Moving. Moving to a new state. Moving to a new life. Move items. Find stuff. Found this letter from a guy I dated for 14 years. Ah. Ah. Ah. I know don’t say it, I got it, now. I estimate that he wrote and gave this letter to me oh around the nine year mark about six years ago…boy was I blind. How did I not end it then? Oh wait I did…and then I started it again…and then ended it, again. Then I started it again and then ended it, again, finally. Maybe if I had listened to the words, really read the words instead of being such a good “communicator” I would have seen more clearly. I now can read it, the words and see them as beautiful. Now I see they are as they were then, just words and nothing else. The words have not changed, I have.

My songs have no
words. There are so
many ways that we are
alike, and many in
which we differ. You
are the communicator .
You listen, you talk,
You write. You are the
singular person in my
life that can make me
communicate. I believe
that you only have one
relationship like that
in your life, where
you have gotten to the
deepest truths. I
realize that I have
regressed quite a bit
since we met. We had
such wonderful talks.
I seem unable to
achieve that level of
communication anymore.

I remember a
windy, cool evening on
the beach in
Wrightsville---
We sat on the
beach in the dark and I
lost myself in my
conversation with
you. It felt like we
could talk about
anything.

Now you are patient
with me, and I
appreciate that. I
hope that my presence
in your life is not a
source of difficulty
for you. I sensed last
time that I saw you
that it was--- this
would be different
than your letter,
which talks of the
good of my being back.

I hope that we can
Keep that, while the
time that we share is
not always much; it is
extremely important to
me. As you know, I am
embarking on a big new
adventure right now
and I am 150% consumed
by it. I hope that I
can remain in your
life throughout it. I
also understand that
if I cannot give more;
you would prefer I not
be in your life. I
would hate that
decision, but would
respect your wishes.
That is for you to
Decide.

As for our recent
visits, they have been
strange and wonderful.
I love just talking to
you. Sometimes I wish
that I could put a
veil on you, because I
am doing so well and
then inevitably fall
into some sort of
weird sexual tension.
Sorry about that. The
veil probably wouldn’t
hurt. I do think that
you should envision me
as some sort of love
slave that can carry
on clever
conversation, though.
I think it would make
life easier on both of
us.
No matter where you
are in the world, you
will always be closest
to me, I thank you for
that.

There is more to this,
but I am not there
yet…