For now all is just fine.

I don't care how jaded you are, how much negativity juice you have pulsing in your vains, the amount of hatred you possess for your neighbor you don't even know...this is cute and should warm any jagged little shards of cockels in ones heart!

Look how happy they are! Friends for now. Soon that will change. One more month or so and they will be separated. At three months tigers start to eat meat and even I, a layman, know what orangutans are made of!

It's no Bradanglina...

it is better! Check out this article -http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20070227/sc_afp/scienceenvironmentanimalssexfrogs
Male frogs being turned into female frogs...in nature. Interesting indeed. What does it all mean? Well it depends on if you are the sort of person that sees the glass half full, half empty, don't see a glass at all and so on. Overall I think it is safe to make the statement, "something here ain't quite right!" Why do I bring this to attention? I have decided to boycott taking in any information of; Hollywood, movie stars (ahem, luckily there are less and less of these going around these days), affairs of people I don't know, rehab for talentless non wearing panty moms, comedians stealing material - shocking as it may be that this happens, um what else? A couple that allows the media to join their names as one that did not show up at an award show, ah...most importantly no longer am I interested in an embalmed body of an ex Playboy centerfold...bury her somewhere already and move on! If she has a spirit she will travel so what is the concern, really?
Time to pay attention to other pressing items like nature, the war in Iraq now approaching its 4th year this March (crap and shit!), the environment (thank you Al even though now it is being reported that you have an unusually high electric bill this month - I knew it! He is a human and no cryptonite needed afterall!), family, friends, reading, eating, laughing, singing, having sex, overall YOU and YOUR life! Come join me. Give it a chance. I'm just saying...

My Pen Pal

My pen pal sent me a present in the mail.

I received a large brown box from my pen pal today.

Sent me a musical instrument. It was so unexpected, so welcomed.

I'm thrilled and touched.

Who am I to deserve such a gift, a prize?

Thought put into action where thought could of stood alone.

A smile, a small girlish giggle escaped my lips as I lifted the treasure from the box.

Sytrofoam peanuts tumbling all over me, my car.

And I not a care in the world.

For a minute I was transported into the body of the father in the movie A Christmas Story - such surprise and joy from one inanimate object. My very own Red Rider Leg Lamp!

My pen pal sent me a present today. I wish to him a gift back; for him to sense, to feel, to know that he has sent me oh so much more -

hot tea it is.

I really wanted a beer - an organic beer today with my lunch.
I ate lunch at the Heritage Healthfood Store Cafe and Auditorium. Wonderful place.
After a 3 minute exchange with the lovely gal behind the order section of the lunch counter I learned that the beer is located in the store area.
3 minutes is a long time to talk to someone you don't know about beer location.
I went in search of the beer. After 5 minutes I did locate it. Only it was on a shelf, hot. No refrigerated beer could I find.
Once again I was situated in front of someone I did not know, another employee, having an extended conversation on beer location.
"You know we don't have any cold, but we should", she replied to my inquiry on cold beer existance in the store. She smiled and then proceeded to walk off, leaving me alone, no beer, just flax seed and tofu as witnesses.
Back to the lunch counter, empty handed I went.
"I'll have hot tea then", I stated to yet a different new employee. They say you meet friends when you least expect it. I'm now a believer. I went out for lunch and now had 3 new friends.
15 minutes later; me, salad, hot tea, sitting down. Salad delicious. Hot tea yummy and comforting. Healthfood, hippies, and hot tea... ah, so happy was I.

I keep telling myself...

any news is good news even if dressed in bad news clothing.

I'm just saying...

RAIN

Rain rain go away.

Rain rain it feels as if you're here to stay.

Oh sun fight your way through.

Oh mighty one make it come true.

I had to get out of bed today.

The dark clouds simulating decay.

Drops scatter across my windshield.

Plummeting down as if against an alien force field.

Oh wait I see you there, peeking out.

Showering the street with light, stopping my pout.

Rain is gone, sun is here.

My mind, my heart now clear.

Anyone for a...

peanut butter, shitake mushroom and chicken sandwich? Bacteria is good for us people...I saw it on the show Wife Swap so I know it to be true. Something is a brewing I think. I'm just saying...

Memoir

Title:

JUST

A memoir of an unusually average life.

OR

Just

A memoir of an average unusual life.

OR

Just

A memoir of an unordinarily unusual life.

Content:

In progress...

WHISPER

I whisper in your ear, "I'm scared"

You look at me and turn your head to the side.

I lean down again and try the other ear, "I said, I'm scared"

You place your nose on my hand and look up at me.

For just one minute, there is no fear in me.

I hold this minute deep inside my chest.

I place the feeling safely away to use later .

To return to it at any time for comfort.

I whisper in your ear, "Thank you"

You rise up and with your brown eyes plead back, "Great now where is my biscuit?"

Here is a question?

THE FACTS:

I'm 40. Smart, good looking, hysterically funny and charming, well I am!

Single. Not dating anyone.

I live IN my parent's house - trust me there is a difference from the statement and therefore state of mind; "living WITH my parents" - irrelevant that I made this difference up.

I drive my brother's car, that he doesn't technically own...I'll give you 3 guesses as to who does and the first 2 don't count, go! you are getting warmer if you think it is my roomies!

I work in a field I have no desire to advance in.

I owe the IRS, credit cards, don't own any property and no longer have any savings left. (I did at one time and i have to admit that was cool in a yuppy sort of way).

I am muddling through my creative side, trying to figure out what the hell I love to do so I can then figure out how to do it so I can then ah do it. I am talented yet so not focused it makes me stink...yes I said stink and not sick!

And to top it all off I noticed the other day that even though my face, me overall does not look 40, yikes my hands do!

QUESTION -

How am I gettin up each day and laughing all day long? I gotta stop with the stupid questions. It must be driving the three people that read my blog bonkos! Is it? HA.

I'm just saying...till later and another question - peace.

50 of 4

50 minutes of bliss.
4 minute increments.
Hit it, snap it, shut it down.
240 seconds of somber again.
I don't recall the first time.
I only know now I cannot go back.
Sun rising, I am not. I lie still.
I jump back inside of the dream.
A fantasy of Clint E and I smooching.
So real, so vivid and then the sound blares once more.
I pound a paw and silence all over again.
Seconds ticking by as if in pudding and I so unaware.
Then the stroke of a long thin black hand against the soldier known only as 7.
No longer can I put it off,
cannot hit the bar one more time.
Air escapes my lips and Clint is gone, now only me.
I rise, stretch, yawn, prepare.
A day present, beckoning to tell me now it is here.

This Old House

This old house deep off the road.
This old house set back above the water.
A house shedding white paint, black shutters attached.
A house hoarding spider webs and sheltering mice.
A calming effect cascades over me as I enter this old house.
A peaceful warmth grows up from my toes to the base of my skull when I enter this old house.
Music filters in and out of each room, upstairs and down.
A red lab dog with a bicycle seat shaped head loves me in this old house.
Smells of spice, flavor filled meats and kindness permiate the wallpaper in this old house.
Prints, paintings, carvings from far lands and even longer ago times form the decor in this old house.
Bits and pieces from several houses long gone to the ground make this place whole.
A whisper of a grandmother echoes often throughout the chilled basement as clothes are washed and dried in modern machines.
A grandfather's command of work to be done in the fields hums, bouncing off the walls that form the room once worn thin from entertaining.
Soft furs, moth eaten tuxedos, tattered Christmas ornaments comfort the past spirits in the attic.
This old house with no leaks in a storm.
This old house with shelter during struggle.
This old house. This old home. This haven.

Never assume, Mr. BB Man!

An edit - Sunday, February 18th, 2007
How I did not think of this earlier I am not sure...but here goes:
My comment on this topic, this news of last week should have been -
"Uh, interesting that such a big dick does not like dick!"
Get it? Good.

Tim Hardaway said this last week on a radio show, "I hate gay people" and "I don't like gay people and I don't like to be around gay people and they should not be in the locker room, all looking at me" I love the assumption that they like you Mr. H. I am not gay yet I am offended by this comment and him. I probably don't have any right to be offended but emotions are very difficult to wrangle I have learned - they seem to just happen with or without one's blessing. How does one hate an entire group of people? Why is this even an issue, news worthy? I been doing a lot of talking out loud this week...asking questions. I gotta get some answers! Or stop asking dumb questions...perhaps. I'm just saying...

Let it go

I've been thinking a lot lately about regret. Actually not thinking because thinking would mean some sort of action took place, a decision made. I think, ah I mean I know that I've been talking inside of my head a lot lately about regret. The idea of it and what it is; attempting to define it. Discussing out loud in the shower to myself specific regrets I believe I have. As well as speaking, asking to myself in the mirror...how does one, me specifically, let it go? Release that feeling of regret for a turn made long ago that as I reflect on it now seems so obviously clearly stupid or how do I spit out the pit resting in my stomach that is the past relationship gone bad, career move not taken or pursued? I again say talking, speaking, asking to myself and not thinking because I don't have any answers. I just have the feeling running through my blood, of regret not being filtered out. When I close my eyes and reflect on this feeling of regret a concise and clear image comes into my head and rests. At first it is a picture of me standing alone in a large livingroom void of furniture, art work, curtians, anything at all signifying occupancy. All the windows are open and there are a lot of windows. It is day time. Sun shinning into all of the windows. I can see my breath in a white crisp cloud in front of my face as I inhale, exhale. I am chilled slightly but not actually cold - more alive and tingly than anything else. Each window is open the same amount - wide open to the top of the window. Then the image changes and movement starts. The windows are now starting to close, moving very slowly and they are all moving downward. As the windows lower the sun light starts to fade. I then see myself running around the room quickly pushing up each window. Each time I do so each window goes up a little bit and then begins it descent again as I leave it, move on to attend to the next closing window. A feeling of control with a tinge of slidding down a mountain with no rope to grab overwhelms me, washes over my entire body as this scene plays out over and over in my mind. I'm alone here in this room. No people, no animals only me, and the windows. Over and over I run around the room pushing up the windows, sensing them start their drop down as I move to the next one. The window's openings appear to stay the same, stable you could say. I push up, they start to close and as they reach that one spot I am back, there pushing back up and so on. I know in my bones in this scene that I will keep pushing up those windows until they stop coming back down or until I can no longer push. Remember, as I stated at the begining; I am talking out loud and inside of my head, not so much thinking...yet.

A Valentine Poem

Valentine's Day is at last here.

So happy am I oh my dear.

Love and kisses flying in the air.

Chocolate and roses given with flare.

Gals and guys smooching on their honeys.

Spit being exchanged and people eating at Shoney's.

Hearts breaking, hearts healing.

Hearts exploding and even hearts like oranges a peeling.

This poem makes no sense.

What do you want?

Did you want me to fluant?

I'm not a poet just someone that likes incense.

Happy Love Day.

I love it but...

where is the L? I'm just saying...

The Daaaaaaawwwwg

Names I like:
1. Oliver
2. Julius
3. Melissa
4. Lars
5. Angus

Names I have a crush on:

1. Oliver

2. Julius

3. Melissa

4. Lars

5. Angus

Names I could fall in love with:

1. Alexander

2. Frank

3. Clive

4. Ernesto

5. Gerard

Names I would like to have sex with:

1. Rex

2. Hayden

3. George

4. Annri

5. Henry

Names I have a crush on, could fall in love with AND would have sex with:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

I know, what are the chances? This searching for the "soul mate" (ahem) is so hard and I wonder why?

Let's just say "to be continued"...oh and Happy 1 Day pre - VD America.

Valentine's Day Address

This just in - Valentine's Day to be cancelled this year. Gasp. Cough. Shriek. Say it is not so! How can it be? No celebration of love? Cards to be purchased, roses to be plucked, chocolates consummed? A year without the Day of Valentine? That would be just plain unAmerican - it is unimaginable. Sort of like having a prez with a brain, actors that just act and aren't photog hogs, actually caring about the war going on instead of how many mobile communication gadgets one can have, or like well I am out of ideas now. Ok so not cancelled but maybe re-examined?

I am not bitter, even though it may sound as such. It just seems that a lot of attention this year is being placed on this card holiday. Placed on the day and what people will give and do and not so much on what the day is! A day to celebrate love. I love love. Why this year more than others is this day being given attention to? Am I noticing it more because of my position in life? Well that is a dumb question. How can one not ever do that? Perhaps I am. I am without a mate right now. Yes I wish that were not the case and yet in some ways I am calm on it, relaxed even. I spent a lovely night the other weekend chatting with an extremely talented musician, intelligent soul and he was handsome to boot. We talked of politics, the war, fame, music, food, comedy, tequilla, and other topics I at this time cannot recall. (Libby uses that phrase than I can too - it is really magic. Try it, you will like it). I was attracted to this person and yet I was content in just the conversation we had and wanted and did not expect anymore than that. Through the conversation I realized that I am not ready for a real relationship. Crazy to realize that. I am after all not 30 anymore...hell I am not 39 anymore...The last 5 months have brought me to a point where I know, think, believe I am still not quite healthy enough for a relationship. This is why I am sensitive to this "holiday" being celebrated tomorrow. You see? I am not upset or sad that I am single at all. I am not angry at men, the world or the rose growers. I am concerned that the point of it all is being missed. I see that now. It is a celebration of love. That is it. All can take part and I recommend that you do. I will be. Here is to love. Here is to hearts, candy, chocolate, flowers, champagne- I won't begrudge those things and anyone that so desires to bestow them upon loved ones, but mostly here is to all out there trying to figure it out, get through it, move on, venture into something new, and just be. Happy Valentine's Day. Not cancelled, just different.

Is it too soon?

To be funny about Anna's death? My first or gut reaction is yes definitely and even my second and third seem to be singing the same tune. It seems like an easy target. I don't know her, or anyone that does know her. And any death or loss to a family is sad and especially the way this one played out, is continuing to be played out, it is tragic and sad. So maybe just a comment on the media coverage of her death, autopsy, baby, dead son, drug habit, her lawyer and common ceremony husband (what is that anyway? If it is anything like it sounds then I've had quite a few "common ceremony husbands"), her legal battles, Trimspa...wait you say false advertising? Say what? I am shocked. Shocked as if I just heard an audience actually laughing at the latest Eddie Murphy movie...Oh Anna bow fanna fee fi fo Anna what have you done now? Taken the role of Reality TV star to the highest of heights for sure.
I am sad for the little girl she has left behind to deal with all of this crap and the uncertian and mixed up future crap I am sure is to come for the little vunerable baby. I wonder if she will change her name when she turns 18? Imagine this if you dare; imagine if someday a famous person dies and the suspicion of drugs as the cause exists and there is no fuss? No pictures, no media, no CNN, no Entertainment Tonight "exclusive last interview", no internet jokes, People Magazine articles or blurbs, blog entries (ahem) on the web...Just words, an entry in the local obit column stating their accomplishments, their failings but in general terms, and the loved ones left behind. And if you dare to keep dreaming; imagine if anyone, just your average Jane or John Doe died where drugs might be involved got the same amount of attention as Anna Nicole, a "famous" person is currently getting? Ah, can you imagine it?...I wonder if you can. I'm just saying...

Nice but why single?

This story warms the little bitter embers floating inside of my heart...until the end. What is the significance of printing that he is single? Perhaps the author has an issue with it? Or the cabbie is hoping to use the article as his very own match.com? Why did I even notice it and then now write on it on my blog? My hang up? Nah...not sure, not sure.
Well outside of that "issue"it is a decent demonstration of being a patriot...and can you believe that he was not even born in this country? Now that is news worthy.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070208/ap_on_fe_st/honest_cabbie

Love is in the air, Part Deux

Sometimes material is so perfect that it falls into one's lap. In this case into the diaper. Ack! So this lady drove over 900 miles, wearing a diaper so as not to have to stop. The diaper wearing does not upset me much since she is an astronaut (wow I spelled that correctly the first time out of the gate - nice!). What concerns me more is that she drove over 900 miles with the wig on! Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

I have to say though, this is a lady with a plan and a vision indeed. Wow I am impressed. So focused and committed to the task at hand. That being; "Keep my man." Yet technically the task at hand needs to be called; "Keep my second man." No one else concerned about the fact that this lady has three kids and is currently married to someone ELSE than this said dude? Selfish if you ask me. Interesting how no one is asking me...well not so much interesting as is expected.

When items such as this last event at NASA take place you can almost hear a collective voice across the country asking, "why?" The answer? "why not?" A product of our country right now. I blame me, you, us. Shame on me, you, us. Shame shame! Anyone got a fresh diaper? I feel soiled and think it just might be time for a change. In the meantime I am off to read about people I don't know and more importantly don't give a fuck about. See you there.

Love is in the air

My love poem for this February in the year 2007...

Ode To Sierra Nevada

With your delightful interpretation of a classic style
oh my Sierra Nevada, I've loved you for quite a while.
You captured my heart at first glance,
I order you, drink you down at any chance.
Oh how I wish you were a man, could be my mate.
With your delectable hoppiness that would be so great.
I am not afraid to share with you my true feeling.
To tell you how your bright, perky high notes of maltiness send me a reeling.
My soul catches a fire each time we meet,
as long as you keep your complex character I shall never cheat.
Oh at times you do so scare me with your fragrant bouquet and spicy flavor,
yet nothing can stop my love for you and even hang overs from you I savor.
Oh how I love my Sierra Nevada, I do so my dear sweet juice.
Your deep amber color, robust, rich, and delicious taste keeps me hanging loose.
Lucky am I to have such a love, to possess such a blessing,
Now if only my Sierra Nevada had hands so to get to a caressing.

Happy almost Valentine's Day! Or as I like to say, Happy VD to all and to all a night.

Hard to Believe

This one is for my friend the lovely miss deb!

February is Here

It is hard to believe that February is here.

With cold breezes, crisp air and skies so clear.

The month we dedicate to love.

Black history celebrated.

A month that buries us in our homes, bundles us in fabric and gloves.

Winter lets us know it is truly here in this month.

28 days only that feel like so much more.

The ground hog did not see his shadow this time around.

Spring to come sooner and with it a new spirit to be found.