Fill in the blank

If you can fill in the blank of what each of these dudes is known to say you win...[click on the cartoon to find out if you are correct or not]

A real fantasy

So I went to a Fantasy Football League draft last night - thank goodness at a bar. It was entertaining. Either that or I had more than 4 beers and just do not recall, lost count (which I often do and think is totally and clearly healthy to do so). It took about 3 hours. There were about 20 people there taking part in the event. 50 bucks, a pen, an ass (literally not figuratively - there is a lot of sitting) and the ability to talk smack with a grin on your face is all that is required to be in the league. No athletic ability, no physical attributes but the power to drink beer and breath all at once - the really good ones make it look as if they are breathin out of their mouth while ingesting the cold brew and not the nose. Hence why I deduce the word, "fantasy" is placed before the word Football. What I loved about this event was not that it was happening in this one bar in this little quaint town on the east coast but that more than likely this same event was happening all over the great U S of A on this same night, had taken place the night before or was to occur in the near future! Brilliant. Well maybe not in NYC...or if so martinis are being consumed instead of budlight. As the night wrapped up and they were down to the players affectionately referred to as, "the who gives a shit about" players, it dawned on me what was really happening. A bunch of men, two women ok three including me, were meeting at a bar, joking, laughing, partaking in libations and generally having a good time that was relatively inexpensive, loosely organized and just basic. In these times of a flailing stock market, war still raging in more than one, two, three countries, mad crazy old ladies leaving 12 million to a dog, our best represenation of youth being Miss Teen USA, mortgages made of smoke and senators that state clothes and not themselves are in their closet, I just find it nice, comforting even that through all of that swirlin around us people can still have, believe in and pursue a fantasy. Hooray!

today at 2pm

"scooch down a little bit closer, keep coming, ok no a still a little bit more...that is it you are almost there. Oh wait you are now too far...back it up [sound in head of "doot doot" - the doot doot as in the sound that comes from the trash truck as it is backing up]. Alright there we go. Yes indeed you are in the correct position, perfect. How do I know this? Because if you turn to the left or the right your head is now aligned with your feet! Ok hold your breath and away we go!"

- I went to the doctor today...have a super duper eve all!

how about this picture choice for this entry, yes yes! Try and make sense out of this one. I hare dare ya!

Hometown Humor for Kids Classes about to start!

Are you…
- An under appreciated genius?
- 8 to 12 years old?
- Tired of being “shushed” when you are funny or silly?
- Ready to “go public” with your stuff?
- Are you ready to tap into that “angst” from the back of the classroom?
- Do you live on the Eastern Shore of Virginia?

Then Hometown Humor for Kids is the class for you!
In a six week class taught by Michelle Maclay 8 to 12 year olds will create their own stand-up set, learn and play improv games. At the end of the six week session each participant will perform their individual set and be part of an improv group in a class show for friends, parents and general audience.

During the six week session we will focus on having fun! The class and show will boost self esteem, build character, and confidence by being in front of peers in a controlled environment. Ms. Maclay will provide a safe, laid back and fun environment in which young talent can express their singular views of the world through their madcap imaginations.

This class is both for kids who have aspirations towards some end of show biz as well as kids who will take the humor experience with them as they move on to become doctors, lawyers and Indian chiefs.

Well what has Ms. Maclay done to enable her to teach such a class?

She is a Comedian, Actor, Producer, Blog Writer
Recently transplanted to the Shore from New York City, Ms. Maclay brings to the classroom an impressive performance history in stand-up comedy and the theatre arts. A self-motivated comedian with excellent organization and communication skills, she brings over three years of stand-up comedy experience in the New York City comedy club scene. As well, Ms. Maclay created and produced a successful long running comedy show called The Comedy Social in New York City so she is well aware of what it takes to run a show, a class and handle any “angst” that is thrown her way!
Ms. Maclay’s easy going presence, professionalism, accessibility, wit and gentle humor make her a natural fit with teaching kids comedy, humor, improv and just plain old having fun!

Check it out at ESO in Belle Haven, http://www.esva.net/~eso/, or The Arts Enter in Cape Charles, http://www.artsentercapecharles.org/, both located on the Eastern Shore of Virginia.

Ah the DAY JOB!

to those of you that are still there I salute you.

to those that have moved on from this place, I applaud you and am jealous of you!

to those that have no idea of what I speak of, I am envious of you.

for me, at my current day job as wonderful as the people are, the atmosphere positive...still when on the phone with some of the subcontractors I work with the above picture is how I feel...

in other words, "you wouldn't like me when I am angry...very angry!"

Wasting Time

This statement seems dumb to me. Wasting time. How does one do that and why do people often say that when they find themselves in a situation they did not expect or want to be in? "Man that was such a waste of time!" I hear it often. I do not think you can actually waste time. Time goes by and that is it. You go with the time. While you are in it most often you don't feel like it is wasted or otherwise you would stop what you were doing right then and there correct? You spend time with people, you spend time on things, going places and experiencing all that is happening. Time goes by and that is it. Sandra Bullock said in a film once in response to a counselor telling her to "take it one day at a time"...SB: "What is it with you people and this one day at a time thing? As if I have any choice to take two three days at a time!" Precisely.
Today I am here taking it one day at a time, passing time...not wasting it. Because I know that during today, as this time takes place today I will without a doubt learn something, experience an occurance or interact with a person that will somehow bring me closer to completion of me. So after this short amount of time in writing this entry and you reading it I now proclaim; if getting to completion, getting closer to being the person I want and need to be means wasting time then ok indeed I say, "Man, that was such a waste of time!" I'm just saying...

what gives ME the right?

I ran a 5k race this last Saturday. It was bloody hot! It was in Virginia Beach...I did decent time. So therefore I then proceeded to consume a large amount of "cold brews" throughout the day and well into the evening...technically then Sunday. As you can imagine then SunDAY was a waste. It is as if the day did not even happen. I slept for most of it. Took a shower around 2pm and drove about 4 miles to have dinner with some friends. All of which completely exhausted me. After which I then got back in bed...watched a FILM and moved onto more sleep at about 8:30pm. What gives me the right to do such a thing to myself? Because I ran a lousy 3.1 miles? Unacceptable and yet I did it. Why is a question in this area I fear I shall never be able to supply an answer to. Alas, I then ponder do I need to? Does it really matter? I mean one could deduce that if one ran said miles - got up at 5am (half past way fuckin too early to be up a Saturday kind of time), sucked on some Gu (don't ask if you don't know!), ran and sweated for 30 minutes (be careful here people if you have any comments on my time...and you are sitting where right now drinking A what? ahem!), does that not make it OK to then inhale beers? Or at least even it out a bit? I am not sure and really I have moved on...

i am shocked!

are you kidding me?
if only Cape Charles was a wee bit bigger?

http://promo.realestate.yahoo.com/best_cities_for_singles.html

10 things that truly annoy me - today.

Not sure why today I have to write this list but it is bubbling up and I got to spit!

Ten things that annoy me...right now, today, this minute

1. A Harley Davidson sticker on a brand new Jeep

2. I start my day off so productive, so hopeful and then I am watching a movie at 2pm

3. roadside signs that say, "Act today as if you will stand before HIM tomorrow"

4. Crying for no reason

5. Still after 20 minutes I am not able to disconnect from my iPod after down loading songs

6. Missing you

7. Being super talented but unfocused

8. bumping into the same corner in the kitchen EVERYDAY

9. knowing I SHOULD run and not WANTING to...at all!

10. Using the word should - it just sets ya up to fail and yet I feel I should...damn it!

I wish

I wish today for no reason in which I can attempt to pinpoint that I was her.

I've never wished to be someone else... not even in high school.
Ok to be fair there was that three day stint in 10th grade where I wished Freaky Friday upon Jolie Julian and I -

I do not know her, this woman you speak of, I have never even seen her, nor can I start to imagine her smell, the feel of her skin, the color of her eyes.

Yet, when I think of her, imagine her standing there and breathing, holding a little hand I barely know of,

I wish to melt down to a puddle, flow gently down hill till I reach her toes and soak into her, fill her up and be her. She has something, a possession I shall never have no matter how tight, how close, how far we travel as one that I will never fully own.

Salt water drips from my tired eyes and an opening begins deep down in the side of my heart. I can feel it, taste it in my throat and I know to the core of my being I will have to accept it.

Maybe I do not wish to be her truly and wholly...only wish I had arrived there first, taken a different train, stopped or lingered a minute longer that one day long ago and then it would be me, not her that filled the shoes you hold onto, the memories bitter sweet on your tongue.

I wish I wish I wish.

Oh, ok

Only just now looking back on that road it all seems to make sense.

In the heat of the moment, in the middle of that time it was all so chaotic, so intense and in my face.

Yet here up on top of this still calm mountain it causes me to not blink when thinking of such current simplicity.

I was in that place a location with no name, no calendar to mark the time as it passed, drifted on top of cool deep water.

And at present I sense and feel even a head turning toward the clear shadows and I realize it is me seeking an answer.

My self possession only at this time in this place asking to be recognized, demanding it, atlast.

A request made to be taught a skill that will win the prize, bestow the first place ribbon upon my chest.

And then at last all at once in a flash you are here next to me, not touching me.

You also looking out into that time, that past place and you stand motionless so to not initiate disturbance.

So we are together yet all the same we are just alone, separate and touching only when bumping into one another.

It is an answer.

Sometimes I wish the answer, the decision to be made was as simple as, "Another Corona for you, then?"

Virginia has it going on

I am approaching my first year living in the state of Virginia. Even though I have yet to get my state driver's license I still think that when asked, "where are you from?", I can safely say, "Virginia" Mostly due to the fact that I am not really sure where I am from and it seems to be the best answer...for now. I am a Virginian. It is the state in which I reside TODAY both in the physical and mental state - that will suffice since really do we know what will or could happen tomorrow? People tell me all the time when I am down or not feeling too super duper about things I should, "live today as if it is your last day on earth, as if you might die tomorrow!" Ok but I don't know if I am going to die tomorrow or keep on going, really. If I live today as if I will not be here tomorrow then I won't have any money to pay my bills when visa calls me on Monday...for I have a feeling those people will always be here.

"live passionately" is the new slogan for the state of Virginia. Not replacing the very popular "Virginia is for Lovers" slogan so no one run screaming from the room for fear of your life being turned upside down! The two statements are meant to go hand in hand. We are lovers and therefore we live passionately. Makes sense. And look the girl is making a sweet little heart with her hands while she one footedly (let it go) makes wine. She looks happy, surely she has loved and we all know that if you are willing to stomp grapes into wine one must be passionate.

I moved here from New York City. Each time I tell someone that fact I get one of two responses - every time! - "Oh, my well this is surely different yes?" or "well you are not going to meet a man here I can tell you that right now!" To the first I simply reply, "Exactly. That is the reason I moved here" and to the second I utter in robot style due to repitition, "well that is ok because believe or not I did not move here to meet one." Now don't get me wrong I have met quite a few men; young, old, cute, not so cute, friendly, funny, odd, boring and all very nice. It does seem interesting that for a state that is claiming it is still for lovers as well as now lives passionately that most people think it is not a place to meet men. Maybe it is as the picture of the girl suggests instead - it is a place to stomp grapes with one foot, make a heart with your hands, smile goofy like and pray for someone to come by and take a picture of you. Nothing more, nothing less. Simple. And it could be as I have come to understand it so far in my almost year here; it is a place to be passionate about investing in and loving oneself. Virginia IS for Lovers and we DO live passionately. That is the critieria for determining where you are from. You live by the slogan of the state. I don't need no stinkin' driver's license. I am a Virginian indeed.

atleast they found the hiker!

headlines for today...what the hell is going on?
how about putting the hiker news first? They snuck that good shit in did they not?
Just when you are about to slit your wrists...

Blogger arrested near UCLA child care center
Eye doc accused of killing prostitute
O.J. Simpson's 'If I Did It' to be published
Actress carried forged kudos
Abducted Iowa kids found in Maine
Second shark attack off Cape Cod
PETA rally burns fur, leather clothes
Brownback visits New Hampshire
Video caught caregiver abusing man
Employee fired after being robbed
Rabid cat attacks, bites family
Boy, 4, found wandering along road
Vicious attack leaves clerk brutalized
8-year-old fights off kidnapper
Man accused of kidnapping nun
Police find puppy with severed leg
Baby gets 23 broken ribs in abuse
Flossie's wind, waves hit Big Island
Text messaging blamed in fatal wreck
Missing hiker found safe

Top U.S. Stories
Ex-NBA ref in betting scandal surrenders
Sources: Vick's lawyers divided
Millions of toys recalled
Newark suspects slipped through cracks
Astronaut teacher wows students from space
Ex-speaker Hastert retiring, GOP officials say
Wife who killed preacher freed

have you ever?

had to sneeze when you had something in your mouth? wait...have you ever had to sneeze just as you take in a large gulp of...[wait for it]...hot, creamy...[jeez this is bad]...COFFEE?

It just happened to me. Hilarious. Either that or it is Wednesday.

Whew!

http://www.kirotv.com/news/13880464/detail.html

I mean really! This woman is a wee bit scarey and just plain ole not patient!

I gave to the local Boy Scouts of America last year as a dontation through the United Way because it seemed like a good cause. Their mission is, "growing young boys into good men"- well actually it is,
"The Boy Scouts of America will prepare every eligible youth in America to become a responsible, participating citizen and leader who is guided by the Scout Oath and Law."
I just translated it into layman's terms - the "non professional" boy scout that is!

I gave to this organization because hey, it seemed like a good one and...I can wait!

Dis - connect

Slice through the air and sever it.

Cut cleanly and watch both sides drop.

Pierce the skin to release a pressure.

Hear it hiss; the emotion.

Relief as it oozes out of you, dripping onto the floor.

Silence is a signal of completion.

Let it go, slide on down the hill, into the distance.

Turn away, run, leap, stomp the ground.

Rip off the bandage quickly with precision.

It sinks down through throat past your liver

and out your toes...feeding the summer weeds.

Gives them all they need to continue to choke.

No matter for now not yours. Disconnect.

No feeling. No more thoughts.

Only lapping waves now drifting over a shell.

One following the others, being followed from behind.

Split into a new atom. A fresh slate in which to try.

No more images arise in mind, crush the heart and spill the salt water.

And then simply, utterly, joyfully...nothing.

Saturday, August 11th, 2007

Does anyone really know what time it is?

This was my inquiry one recent blurry, overcast and breezy Saturday late morning...

I woke up on Saturday morning, the second time, and did not know what time it was, actually - The clock in my bedroom stated 11am, the clock on the stove in the kitchen (naturally. I mean who has a stove anywhere else but the kitchen...outside of NYC that is?) told me 11:01am (by the time I stumbled from the bedroom to the kitchen time elasped - whew!), the clock on the wall in the kitchen made it clear it was 11:01am (I just had to turn my head to the left on this one so no time, well time recorded in minutes, had passed). But the radio station stated it was 12noon. How could this be? What was happening? Worlds colliding. Sky a falling. Where is my little friend Chicken Little when I need him, her? A time change taken place that was not told to me? No that does not happen until October...ah shit is it October already? Checked calendar. Nope. Good wall calendar. Never have to worry about upgrades or glitches in you.

Checked my cell phone - 11:04am (again the whole time continuum thing). The radio station still spouting out the time of 12:04pm...programming and everything. The radio could not be wrong. But alas what was I to do? I cannot call anyone for obvious reasons. In case not obvious afterall..."Ah hi there. What time is it? I mean I am not crazy, but..."

Then the radio went dead. Dead air. Nothing. Ah ha! Then it came back on with the 11am program (the entire reason why I bothered to get back up at 11am in the first place, for the second time)! Situation resolved. World safe again. All good. Well all but for the "I am not crazy!" girl issue.

I'm just saying...

It sure does.

How come people (and I am sure I've been in this crowd at one time or another in the past) that have what you don't or are not in your situation think it is comforting to say things such as; "well it will all work out" or "it just didn't work out this time" or "well things happen for a reason" - this one is by far the worst! - does not EVERYTHING happen for some sort of a reason just by the shear fact that something happened? And why do people say this catch phrase only when something bad or sad happens or is happening?

Mary: Guess what Jane? I just won 50 bucks!

Jane: Well, you know Mary these things do seem to happen for a reason. I am sure it will all work out. Oh and sorry it did not work out this time. [Blank stare by both Mary and Jane - screen fades to black]

I also love it when people cannot or are not able to be upfront and say what is really going on. They think an acceptable answer is, "I don't know" or "Well what do you want me to do?" Or just to let time go by and act as if that large hairy mammoth is not perched on that little chair in the corner of the room. How about figuring it out (not a question, a statement this time!). I mean is that more painful than the smell of stagnet water? Apparently so. And if someone says, "I am up front and will tell you. That is how I roll" that is actually a red flag, a signal that perhaps that is not true. Along the lines of the following statements;

1. "I am not crazy!"

2. "With all due respect..."

3. "To tell you the truth..."

4. "To be honest with you..."

If you have to say it then...

It would be nice if for once someone (besides myself and Valerie Plame's husband) would step up, figure out what is going on, and then deal with it. "Oh, but it is too hard or I don't wanna" or "someone might not like me" (wait what is that? oh a whine!). Well that is the point KIDS! If it smells, tastes, feels and looks hard or you don't wanna, guess what? That is exactly what you should do and the RIGHT choice to execute.

If it smells like BS chances are it is. I read a bumper sticker once that said, "life is too short to eat dessert last" Oh really? Well life is too short to smell bullshit...and not extinquish it or get the hell out of the room. I'm just saying...

Change or not change?

A question I am battling in my head lately. Seasons change. Minds do change... on topics...rarely but it does happen. Flowers change; they sprout, bloom, wither, die (gulp). Bananas change. [I will wait]. Ok, back? Do feelings change? I know they do shift, settle, evolve. Do feelings that were once so powerful and real simply fade like smoke? Or is it that they just die like the flower? Which is it? It can all happen so fast. The flower I mean (gulp). I know what will never change is the asking of Why? And that there will never, maybe once but more than likely not ever, be any answers. Just one of those mysteries wrapped in luck and timing. That there is no answer "appears" to be the only answer to why there is no answer! That there is no answer makes sense as to why one day words are uttered, given as a gift of vulnerability and then the next taken back or denied of ever any existence. And a secondary question, a follow up; does it even matter why? I mean if the power at your house goes out one night does it actually matter if it was due to a rain storm or an ice storm? The end result is that you are sitting in the dark...and do not know what time it is!

Hair color changes. Chameleons change color. People change their underwear on a regular basis...most people, most of us. Or some of us do not wear any...ahem, but I am wandering...Those changes all make sense to me. An action precedes that change. Feelings are on their own. Lingering out in that vast land called someone's heart and soul. One day it is this way and boom 24 hours later it is that way. If only I could change how I feel about this topic. Hey, wait a minute...

I saw today on the way to work...

There is this roadsign that I pass everyday on my way to work. I've passed this sign for just about a year now. I read it every time I zoom by it at about 67 miles an hour. Today was the first day that I really read it, said it over in my brain and then processed it. The sign is one of those kiosky boards that is on wheels and you can change the letters at will. The sort of sign that you usually see outside roadside diners, honky tonk bars, and rural churches. This one happens to be sitting on the side of the road and the only building anywhere near it or could be considered the sign's owner is a trailer park. The sign reads; "Stand before him today as if it was the last day of your life" Him I have to assume is God since it is a captial H. That is how it works...I think. I am not sure since I don't have any formal religious education. Will have to go on assumption for this one.

Once again, the small town rules!

I am running in the rock n roll 1/2 marathon in Virginia Beach on September 2nd...along with a whole gaggle of fine and fun ladies and a few gentlemen here from the Eastern Shore of Virginia. Shout out to you all! Wow been a long time since I've said that, maybe a good reason why...but I digress!
As you can imagine some sort of training, ahem, is now taking place to prepare for this event. I am running on a somewhat sparadic schedule - that is code for running 2 to 3 miles 2 to 3 times a week - and I have to say when I use the word run I truly mean more of the word struggle. So I am struggling for 2 to 3 miles 2 to 3 times a week. It is hot up in here people! I am not being self depricating - I am being factual. I mean when you are running in a field and you notice that two turkey buzzards are actually following you it is bad. I mean birds of prey flying just behind you, stopping on top of a barn as if looking at something else, not moving their lips (??) so you cannot see but talking just the same, then non chalantly taking off and circling over you...that is a struggle my friends.
Then once a week attempting to run a long run, say 7 to 8 miles (they say you need to be up to 10 miles before the actual "race" - who the hell is this They?).
So such an attempt was made today by myself and three other fine souls. I unfortunately got heat exhaustion or well just my body did not want to do it! At about 5 miles I threw up...nice.
In the front yard of someone who happen to be sitting out on their porch for their morning coffee and paper updates. Here is the conversation that followed;
Throw up, sort of. Spit. Raise head.
See nice handsome older couple sitting on porch, looking at me.
Me: well hello there. how are you?
Lady: Well we are well. And you my dear?
Me: oh you know...[turn head toward street looking for an ambulance maybe? Not sure]
Man: What are you doing?
Me: I don't actually know.
Lady: It is suppose to be over 100 degrees today my dear
Me: Yes I heard that
Man: Do you want some water?
Me: Oh no, well, if you have it sure that would be nice [wipe, check mouth for after throw up residue - classy I know. School on Saturday is my name...no class!]
Man goes to get cold bottle of water from the house.
Lady: Again ah what are you doing? And why are you doin it?
Me: Again now that I think about it, not sure. Running? Yes that is it.
Lady: Ah, ok then. Good luck with that.
Man comes back with water.
Man: Be careful out there dear. Take care.
Me: Thank you. you too!

I walked and ran the rest of the 2 to 3 miles (that sequence of number is popular today for me!)
And I felt great! I can do this I thought.
Lesson today? Even if one throws up one can still be ready to rock n roll!

Oh it is hot out alright!

"What the hell are you lookin at?"

It seems that I've had a slight change of attitude from earlier today.

I'll be back...

I put out...

wait that doesn't sound so good now that I read it in print.
I mean I do put out but not what you are thinking. I mean I put out positive energy. At least that is what I will do today. Send it out there so it shall come back to me two-fold. Here's to putting out.

A Sensible Poem

I have a view
of how I should see you
if I allow myself to distinquish.

I possess no dispute with it.
I desire to move forward with this

wonder at being able
to show all information:
I am alive,

I have heard uttered
a while ago before my time
in another mode,

as clever drifted over an era
seeming to shrink and become trivial,
longer extended, and oversized.

As the conversation I want to escape from echos in that room
as soon as the mouth is opened to condemn

prior to when I ever fell for love,
thirsting for external devotion.
yearnings do change over time,

and myself, I give respect,
and cloak only one thing.

I just cannot at this point

I cannot care what people think of me.

More than likely they are not even thinking of me.

I don't care.

I can't care.

Too destructive.

I am not thinking of them so why should they of me?

Neither can I care they are NOT thinking of me. Or acting as if so. To know, to be confident that they are but cannot show it. Will not show it. Will not let me in. I cannot care. Where is that valve, the main shut off anyway? Click. Ah that is better.

Hey wait a minute i just remembered something!

I know people. I know people. I can tell things about people and how they work. It is not hard and I am not tooting any complex horn by any means. I just remembered that I have a sense about people and I am reminding myself.

I know what is happening, what is taking place. I am not giving up or in. I am here. Here. There is no baggage only experience and life. It is worth it. I know it. Like i said, I know people.

A year

I woke up this morning with such a feeling of power. I realized that in a few weeks my first year now living on the eastern shore will be complete. From one big perspective I feel that it has gone really fast and I have not accomplished anything at all. Then when I dive into the specifics I come to see that I have done a lot...especially for someone that had a mini life crisis or half a breakdown in NYC, uprooted 9 years of history and scooted down the coast to live with her parents after 20 years of being on her own. The shore embraced me. Took me in and gave me just what I needed - it is as if this place knew how to heal me without even asking me what I wanted or needed to do so. Which is nice for a couple of reasons...if asked that question at the time of first coming here to the shore I would have had no idea of what to say and two because well let's face it a piece of land, an area talking to you, let alone asking you, "hey there little lady how can we the ocean, the bay, the land help you?" would seem a tad bit out there to say the least. I said I experienced a mini life crisis not complete craziness. I am not crazy. Although I read somewhere that people who say they are not crazy tend to ah well be so. A little crazy is sometimes good. It keeps one sane. Back to my first year here on the shore - What have I done so far in this 12 months? I believe I have discovered or rather uncovered the type of performer, artist I want to be. That takes a long time people. At least a year. Now I have to do it, execute it, make it happen as one may say. That is the second year. What else? I've been working on myself, relationships and all that crap of the heart and at times the head. I am dating someone. A someone. I am learning that timing may not be everything but it IS a big part of it. I am not giving up in this area and that takes guts. I have come to realize that I am brave. I now know that you do have to walk out on the limb for the fruit but fuck then you see how far the drop is! I have to say it feels like I am making progress yet still have a ways to go all at once, tied together. This is hard. I truly understand why people hesitate to do it, to go there and why they retreat from it, put up all defenses so as not to deal with it. At the same time I find I am conflicted - how can one NOT deal with it? How can one allow that big fat elephant to continue to rest in that corner? A big realization is that I have done a lot of work this last year and there is still more to do in this coming year.

So why do I say I woke this morning with such a feeling of power? My answer? Even though there are no numbers involved, do the math.

Another shitty day in paradise

The gals fishing trip that i went on yesterday.

One cute captain, 8 slimy flounder, hot sun, cool green water, and multiple beers = FUN.

As we were all handed a fish to hold for this classic picture, hands inserted into the fish gills, gulp...alas what did one of the ladies whisper to me?

"Well now i know what it is like to be a lesbian"

And say goodnight Gracie...Goodnight Gracie.

Virgin experience

last night at a show i did i had my very first truely evil awful heckler. It was outstanding. i mean i took my flip flops off and everything. Tears started to well up in the corner of my eyes. Luckily they did not form fully and leave the eye area. They fueled me on to not only have a stellar set - one reviewer of my performance said the following;

"Thanks for bringing your energy and life perception to the evening. I know it was a tough evening for you but you responded with dignity, grace and courage - and humor" - Peg, runs the show and also a close friend...just a coincidence

- ...but for the first time i got to use my "stop the heckler" skills. They worked. i got the crowd all riled up against him and someone actually said to this non gentleman, "dude why don't you just let her tell us her funny stuff or get the &^%$# out!" Righteous. And to think i really did not have any material when i first got up there. i did a hodge podge of old stuff, audience off the cuff stuff and well then the heckler stuff. That actually extended my set by 3 or 4 minutes. Nice. It had been a while since i had performed some material, new that is, so this experience got me pumped. i got to get back to writing and stop sulking around thinking about this life crap. I feel like my life has been on hold for the last few weeks and i got to stop it. I am sure all three of you know the cause...a boy, relationship, of course. Man, men, ahem, sometimes they are a royal pain in the ass. Ok i am off to write some funny shit...well technically to rent a movie, put on PJs and lay in bed, drink a hot toddy (once i google what the hell makes one up) - Allergies ain't they a bitch? So you know, i like to call all of the previous events ah writing. Sssshhhh....no one has to know. i mean it is my life afterall.