I wish

I wish today for no reason in which I can attempt to pinpoint that I was her.

I've never wished to be someone else... not even in high school.
Ok to be fair there was that three day stint in 10th grade where I wished Freaky Friday upon Jolie Julian and I -

I do not know her, this woman you speak of, I have never even seen her, nor can I start to imagine her smell, the feel of her skin, the color of her eyes.

Yet, when I think of her, imagine her standing there and breathing, holding a little hand I barely know of,

I wish to melt down to a puddle, flow gently down hill till I reach her toes and soak into her, fill her up and be her. She has something, a possession I shall never have no matter how tight, how close, how far we travel as one that I will never fully own.

Salt water drips from my tired eyes and an opening begins deep down in the side of my heart. I can feel it, taste it in my throat and I know to the core of my being I will have to accept it.

Maybe I do not wish to be her truly and wholly...only wish I had arrived there first, taken a different train, stopped or lingered a minute longer that one day long ago and then it would be me, not her that filled the shoes you hold onto, the memories bitter sweet on your tongue.

I wish I wish I wish.