Don't like the scenery? Pull up the anchor

or make an appointment to see a therapist - whichever applies. For me it is the lader, later, ladder (how do you spell that word?) I think I need a little pull or maybe it is a push over this last hump. Actually I am pretty sure it is the same hump that has always been here just now it seems bigger, taller and unscalable. When I moved to the shore a year ago (from where not important for this entry) I moved knowing it would be a tough time. Simply because I made the decision to not just make a physical move but to make a mental move. I needed to be somewhere like the shore and be with family and friends for this mental shift. That good ole unconditional love and support sorta thang...the family supplying both since I did not really know anyone outside of them here. And that was cool. What I was looking for and needed.

I've been bumping into the hump for some time now, climbing up and even at times toes touching the ground on the other side. It is now apparent to me that though my feet have grazed the grass over there they are not grounded on that side and I keep ending up back on the side I started from. It seems to be choices I continue to make. I am that gerbel that keeps running on the wheel over and over again and asking myself each time I go round, "Why am I back here again?" Luckily, by chance even, this last weekend gave me a gift. Because of a chain of events, choices or decisions by others that hit my life I was able to see it clearly for the first time. I still see the hump and it is tall, big yet now I can tell the specific height, the length; all the dimensions. I clearly now see that what I need is a lader, later, wait a ladder - and that the right one is all that is not clear for me now...so gotta go see a man about a horse, ahem I mean about a therapist.