My jackie Os and my elvis purse

Today is Wednesday. I fell asleep last night at around 9pm. A deep sleep until I awoke this morning around 5:30am, just before my alarm. It IS the small victories I am finding. It felt liberating to beat something, to win. I've been feeling lately that I am not winning, no scarf of flowers around my neck, no stance in the winner's circle have I been taking part in. I am aware that this feeling is not based in reality, not constructive. That is the logical side of me. Yet the other side, the wacko, the odd or weird side as some of been known to tell me I have, is not all that sure. That side of me does not always welcome facts. Things that are based in truth. For is it not safer, more dramatic to endulge in drama? How I feel and not so much what is actually happening? Yes Yes I say! And then I check in with my logical, constructive side and after a swift hard slap on the face from that side I am back to reality.
The air outside at 6:30am smelled so sweet and calmed me. The light had just come up over the creek and the water was sparkling. It felt as if all the crap that yesterday felt like well ah crap did not so much anymore. I felt refreshed. Clean, empty in a positive way. Waiting to be filled up. I did not run. Not quite ready for that - tomorrow perhaps. But I did think a lot about running and that felt groovy. Coffee in hand, flip flops on feet, Elvis purse in hand and Jackie O sunglasses on face and all was truly right with my little world on the shore. Driving to work I heard an old song and without even knowing it, planning it, I smiled. Everything seemed so simple, so brilliant and honest...just like the steady morning sun beam that was jetting across my front windshield; I too was simply just there, breathing and content. To feel so alive and so comfortable is rare and for that I am exceptionally grateful.