Small town in the room

"The calamity that comes is never the one we had prepared ourselves for." - Mark Twain

I moved to a small town just about a year ago. I moved to this small town to get away from the big city. I left behind a place I was no longer able to handle or knew how - I have yet to forclose on that deal, answer that inquiry. I left at a point where I still loved the smell, the feel and wonderment of the city in order to some day return. Only a tad jaded yet no where near bitterness. Not knowing if I would or not ever return only that I wanted, needed a gate to be left ajar, a key kept to unlock my return. Sold furniture, gave clothes away and left a world I lived in for 9 years without looking back. It was night and it was raining when I left. I did not plan such a scene, a setting so dark as to symbolize finality. Like most occurences in one's life it just happened that way with no explanation or clarity. When you leave one place, change one part of your life there is such a gap created one can feel it to the core of one's being. It is almost as if a sucking sound can be, is, heard inside your rib cage. I have come to know it as relief. A letting out of air with the companion by the name of closure. You have left something behind propelled by hope to the next chapter, next opportunity and the next town. I choose a town not a city. I know from experience, observation and perspective that I am an extreme gal. I either want the craziness and madness of a big city or the slow and laid back whirl of a small town - nothing in between! Strip malls are for others and for those others I do say with greatfulness; thank you!

They say "the devil you know..." I think that means that each place, relationship, life you have possess a set of problems and joys. That when you leave one, end it for good yes you do let go of issues and problems, leave them behind. You enter into a new place and relationship and guess what? With a new set of concerns, issues, and problems. The names have changed, that is it.

"A rose by any other name is still a rose" sort of thing if you smell what I am planting. I left behind intensity and shaky ground and in return have found serenity, a clear calmness, and a true sense of being. I turned me inside out and back again. It has been a good year. I have a new devil that I do not know...yet. Been introduced, getting to know, like yet not quite sure of. A new bag of tricks I am now interacting with and learning about - gladly, yet cautiously, calmly and within me. I am in a small town now. A small town is in my room, next to me, calling me to listen. And I will...I have to, want to all at the same time.