When I play the jerk card I really play it!

I pulled a doozy this last week. I let you down. I did not call and I am not even remotely clear as to why I did not. Except that when I do start to dive into it I find some clues...not logic mind you, just clues. For now that will have to be good enough...
I totally reverted back and reacted as if to past events, occurrences.
No excuses just what happened. I was not scared I was gun shy. Someone once asked me what gun shy means. My response? Really? I need to break that one down for you? Ok here is my gun..bang bang! Ok back to this -
I think being in relationships teaches you how to be in relationships. As you are in them, doing them, flying out there in the wind, you are learning how to be in a relationship.
It is the ultimate on the job training. The top notch pinnacle intern position.
You are not paid, you are in sort of a somewhat probationary time period in the beginning and then in and out of it, and you never really know if you are going to get fired or get promoted on a regular basis.
You just know that you either like this one job or you do not, the tasks that you do each day, the people you work with or come into contact with and you simply then decide whether or not to go into that office each day and do that job...or not. Knowing that the or not will then lead you to the classifieds searching for another job. Ofcourse all the while being unemployed. Which is nice sometimes and needed.
At the end of each day you assess your day, did it work, did it not and weigh it out. If the % of stuff that worked is greater than the stuff that did not work you go home, have dinner, drink a cold brew or wine or both, watch some television, perhaps read a chapter in a book, go to bed and resolve that when you wake up the next day you will indeed get up and do it all over again.
You hope that the coworker you work with does the same, especially when thinking of you, and you go from there. Another day another experience and ideally all filled with a sense of humor.
Humor is a good thing, perhaps the best thing.
At first this experience was viewed by me as a bad thing, once again something I screwed up. Then as I investigated it, of course! I realized that it can be a good thing. We yelled, said curt and a few painful things to each other, said some nice things too, said some things i did not know, laughed (how about that? that is good), and ended the call with a promise to talk again. Most importantly we continued on with the job. I slept on it. I assessed it. When I woke the next morning I weighed it. I realized I had been a jerk and needed to tell my coworker this information. Because I was a jerk. I played my jerk card and I played it big. You called my bluff. I then went further and came to the conclusion that the % of the stuff that worked was still higher than the % of stuff that did not. I got up. Brushed my teeth, washed my face, drank my coffee and hoped for the best, for it to work out as relationships, jobs, parties tend to do when effort and time are poured into them. In other words to keep the anology going; I went back into the office.