Responsibility

It is now cold and wet here on the eastern shore of Virginia. It appears as if winter and all its splendor has at last landed on this shore. Spring time often beckons the average person to contemplate their life, to sloth off old habits and memories; start a fresh in other words. Quite literally and figuratively - as those being actual other words and all. In the last two years I've noticed or rather for the first time in my life paid attention that for me it is the arrival of the winter season that brings forth such thoughts and ideas into my life, this such process I suppose you could say. Therefore this week has been a rebirth of some sort for me and I am just today realizing it. All week I've been dwelling, wading in a blue pond of...well not sadness, not even close to depression, far from fear but more of determination I think. I am not quite able to define it to be honest. Hey look at that! I'm being honest and I have NOT been drinking - sorry Mel!

A feeling of starting over. A new chance. Each morning of this last week I've opened my eyes to the new day with excitement coursing through my body. Not energy mind you. This said fluid in my veins is not that elixir. This solution does not get me right out of bed once I'm awake. It does not in any shape or form send me bouncing like Tigger of Winnie the Pooh out of bed to grab the day. I can tell you again in all honesty that the snooze button on my alarm clock and I are close and personal friends and I suspect will continue to be so for many years to come. No it is more of a responsibilty sentiment. I am starting to sense, to get the idea that as a person in this world I have a responsibility. That perhaps that is my job, my mission. A responsibility to do what you ask? Well that answer I am still forming - the specifics. I have a duty to this life, to the people I know and even to those I do not know to not be sad, to not dwell on what I want or what is lacking in my world. To send good energy out there to be grabbed and built upon. This is my task. To be grateful, to be appreciative of all I have and will have, feel, experience in the future. I know this is not revolutionary as a thought. I do however have a sneaking suspicion that as a way of life or as an action in one's life, a constant behaviour, it is a new idea. I have such a sensation in my throat of possibility. A fervor I dare to say of wonderful things to come for me, for others. A confirmation I possess that all experiences, people and interactions can be and often are good even if dressed in bad news clothes.

It is winter here now. The leaves are all off the trees, long since fallen to the ground. Long ago or so it seems, walked upon and meshed to be as one with the land. The sky is that dark blue gray that confirms one's secret hunch that indeed the world is large, so much larger than one's own small current globe.

This morning as I left the house to go to work I found myself saying out loud, "Damn it, man it is cold out here..." Then, "Man! IT IS COLD out here and damn it that fantastic!"

I'm just saying...