Cave Open Mic this eve, Tuesday Dec 1 babies!

Come laugh at the Cave with me this eve. I am hosting the best Open Mic in town kids! Mr. Johnny Cook started this show and it is still kickin! Come ring in the best month of the year, December! Come watch, laugh, tell a joke, drink and be merry! Please....(that was me begging - it is a work in progress)

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

A show. be there. Want to know more? go here...http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/photo.php?pid=2894655&id=144184901031
this URL ain't pretty, I know, but you sort of want to go there and see if there is something pretty yez? I dare you.

I've been bad

and lame...not written in a long time. be back soon with magic. or at least a story.
Happy Fall, Ya'll!

Yeah. Married

In honor of Mr. Hughes, gosh darn rest his soul...and well me getting hitched...

[Jake rings doorbell at Samantha's house]
Long Duk Dong: Okay. I'm comin'.
[opens closet door]
Long Duk Dong: Hello? Jeez, this place is so confusing. Okay.
[opens front door, screams and shuts door]
Long Duk Dong: Go away! I call F.I.B. I call police! Go away!
Jake: Open the door.
Long Duk Dong: No way, Jose!
Jake: Open the door.
Long Duk Dong: You beat up my face.
Jake: You grabbed my nuts.
Long Duk Dong: [looks through frosted glass on door] Is that you?
Jake: Yeah, that me.
Long Duk Dong: [opens door] Oh, I'm so sorry. I thought you my new - new-style American girlfriend.
Jake: Forget it, man. Just get Samantha, all right?
Long Duk Dong: She not here.
Jake: Don't jerk me around, man. Where is she?
Long Duk Dong: She got married.
Jake: What?
Long Duk Dong: She at the church. She getting married to oily bohunk.
Jake: Married?
Long Duk Dong: Married.
Jake: Married?
Long Duk Dong: Yeah. Married
[closes door]
Jake: [turns around, under breath to himself] Married?
Long Duk Dong: Married! Jeez.

Jeez! That is what I say!

me, Brando, parents, Angus, wine and wedding planning!

Femme Fest is here kids!

Come on down to the Cave this weekend for Femme Fest!
Femme Fest is two days of entertainment at the Cave (Chapel Hill's oldest music venue) and Mansion 462 (Chapel Hill's newest music venue) showcasing women in music. A donation will go to the Girls Rock Camp of NC and the Rape Crisis center of Chapel Hill. This year's Femme Fest is hosted by comedienne Michelle Maclay.

more shows....see me, love me!

July 15th, The Blank Slate Comedy Show - July edition
The Fuse in Chapel Hill
http://www.f-use.com/

July 17th, Ultimate Comic Challenge
The Idiot Box, Greensboro
http://www.theultimatecomic.com/

then another on July 18th, keep scrolling...you need the exercise!

check out this show! please

music and laughter, yez!!!

Check it out! Free SHIT!

Sure you cannot technically take it home with you, but when you wake up in the morning on Thursday with a smile on your face, you will know all is ok...at least till you get to work.
come see da show!
this is our flier for the Fuse show and this is me dancing last weekend at the fuse. All coming together...

returning to the cave tonight!

come with me! The Cave Comedy open mic is this eve, 7:30pm.
http://www.caverntavern.com/

sad yet ok!

that phrase will be on my next t-shirt. My pal Mary Beth and I are planning a t-shirt party, very soon!

A "sad yet ok!" t - shirt will definitely be a product out of that party!

That is exactly what I said and truly felt after I heard, officially, that I had not made it to the final round of the DSI Carolina's Funniest Comic contest last weekend.
I was so ok yet a tad sad, but that is normal I think. In fact I was so ok that as the third person, aka friend, was in the middle of telling me how wonderful I was and that it was all going to be ok, I said, "Yep. I know. In fact upset is over there across the bar and I am way over there outside. That is how far I am from upset" I have good friends, honest ones most importantly.

I was a tad sad only because I essentially lost, and all of us, no matter what we say, want to win or at least we don't actively seek to lose. I was ok because I had a strong solid set that I was very proud of and I made a large number of people (not just my friends in attendance) laugh. Amazing feeling and why we do what we do up in here in da comedy world. And even better I honed one joke I just wrote and had been working on for a week prior...and it killed. That alone is worth all of it, for reals! Anyone out there that writes this crap, ah magic, and performs it knows what I is talking about.

Here it be,
"I have come to feel that the decision to have a kid or not to have a kid is a big, or can be, a big dilemma for women these days. Do I have a kid, do I not have a kid? Just last week I had this overpowering feeling that yes I do want to have kids. But then I realized I was just hungry. Uh, dilemma solved...for this woman."

I will tell you a real dilemma I do have - the spelling of that word. I was originally taught to spell it, "dilemna" but if you google it or do spell check it is spelled, "dilemma" Perhaps from here on out I should just call it a quandary. Hey look at that...quandary solved.

Thanks DSI Carolina's Funniest Comic contest for being in existance so that I could a)make some people laugh and b) for providing a positive performing environment in which to better my material ultimately then making me a better, stronger comedian.

"Sad yet ok!" Me likie.

First round DSI Carolina's Funniest Comedian

In second round this Friday.
I plan to kill, or be killed. Will step it up from this one.

I ate today, so therefore I am...

A banana
Many grapes
A little dish of tuna fish salad
half a small bag of fritos (I threw away the rest...wasteful yet better in the trash can than in, ah on my tummy)
10 sesame low fat crackers or it was a piece of paper, not sure
1 medium cup of coffee with a whisper of half and half

and for dinner? salad...one ice cream cone, no booze, seltzer water, and The Office

Is it Friday yet?

May 23rd, On da shore I will be!

Join the Fun at The Bear & Cub in Pungoteague
A night of comedy & coffee with Michelle Maclay

“365 days older, a few pounds heavier, and more tears shed”
I’m Back!

Saturday, May 23rd

Door Opens 6:30 PM - Show starts at 7:00 PM

Admission: $15 (includes small treat to eat)

Additional refreshments available for purchase.


30241 Bobtown Road, Pungoteague, Virginia

Call 757-442-7222 anytime & leave a message

Or email bearcubscoop@verizon.net

next is good!

"No, really, seriously, man, dude, I made it past the first round in DSI's Carolina's Funniest Comic Contest this last Friday!"

I am now onto round 2 that takes place Friday, May 22nd, 7:30pm.
Me and 7 other mooks muking it up for your votes.
It is personal now!

And I love that Zach, the owner, decided to call it Carolina's Funniest Comic contest. Someone asked me last week how the name came about and how did the contest end up at DSI? As if someone, some group had decided...I said, "Ah I think that is what it is called." nice. Step up. I am a comedian pretty much cause I call myself that, introduce myself to people that way. You gots to think what you are and that is what you will be, are.

Not like that weird stuff, Splenda. "It starts with sugar. It tastes like sugar. But it's not sugar." Ah....then what the hell is it?

I met a guy the other night in a bar. Asshole. He started out as an asshole. He acted like an asshole all night. He is an asshole.

Just saying, in a nice way....

See ya'll Friday, May 22nd, 7:30pm, DSI Theatre, on the loading dock behind Harris Teeter
http://www.dsicomedytheater.com/news/article/180/funniest-comic-round-1/
Vote it up!

Funny Contest

come check me out and 15 other very funny kids contest it up!
Friday, May 1st, 7:30pm
DSI Comedy Theatre

See you there,
Me

http://www.dsicomedytheater.com/shows/details/carolinas-funniest/

I know I know

I have been lame. here and across most of my life over the last few weeks, ah maybe a month. But...if you come to The Blank Slate Comedy show April edition this Wednesday then I promise to write, write!
Wednesday, tomorrow, 8pm
The Fuse on Rosemary Street in Chapel Hill.
FREE.
A host, comics, and drinks. A good trifecta!
See you there

voted the best short joke

3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath. 'Mom', he asked,
'Are these my brains?'
'Not yet,' she replied

ok come on....

is he the cutest pop a gal could ask for? the appropriate answer is YES!
Happy Wednesday. I know I have been slack in the posting lately...been sick, working, and tired. I am back on it starting next week, March 1st...along with getting my jiggly butt off the couch and out on the road a running.

The Blank Slate Comedy show this week!

Come to the Fuse and see a great comedy show!
Wednesday, February 18th, 8pm
A fantastic host, five very talented slightly insane comedians, and a Carolina Basketball game humming in the background.

FREE.

Come on!

Feb 09 in North Carolina

Operation Get my shit together...develop better habits...save money...not sure what to call this "plan yet"
So far so good...meaning "so good" as in sub par and all such references.
The plan for this morning?
Get up at 6:30am (normally I get my 40 something ass out of bed at 7:15amISH)
Crank up some coffee.
Turn on laptop.
Write for 20 minutes.
Shower. Dress. drive. bus ride. work. be productive.

So far the plan?
Woke up at 6am, alarm did it.
Hit snooze till 7:16am.
Turned on laptop. Listened to NPR news.
No TV, no Today Show - that in itself is good - I mean really what is the purpose of that show but to make people that are NOT Ann, Al, Matt, and Meredith feel awful about themselves? That is rhetorical people...I know, stay positive, after all Feb is only 28 days. Hey wait a minute is that the average length of days, of stay for rehab? interesting...
Laid in bed and THOUGHT about writing for 20 minutes...
No coffee.
Showered. Got dressed.
First outfit placed on body went with - another unusual feat.
Started car. Defrosted windows (ice is sticky people...open the door damn it!)
Got to bus stop for 8am bus.
Coffee at fav coffee shop, chatted and laughed with friend that gave me free cup.
At desk just before 8:30am...whew!
Working. Actually being focused...well...ah...ok sort of.
It is the little things people. Baby steps. Wahhhhhh....

Tomorrow awaits me. Perhaps, up at 7am, coffee, turn on laptop, open up new word doc. then Thursday. all in a plan, all in a day.

It is snowing, snowing, and snowing at my house this morning.
I made an attempt to get out of my driveway to go to work earlier today.
3 inches is what I was able to accomplish.
Back out of the car, into the house, covered in white dust.
And still now, 3 hours later, still snowing. it is so beautiful.
so clear, crisp and clean. A day to stay inside, in long johns, fire a going
and the inauguration activities streaming on my television at low volume in the background. perfect Monday, finally. I guess it is a perfect Monday due to the fact that it is Tuesday.
Work will now be hectic tomorrow and for the rest of the week since I am not there today. It is worth it.
I did cry this morning as I was watching a story about Obama and his path to where he is now. The first time I have done so through it all. It came out of nowhere and did not last long, just a few tears. No words to describe the feeling, none that would do justice I think. So I shall continue to be here inside warm, sipping coffee, writing, and feeling so healthy and hopeful. Ah crap, how am I suppose to write funny stuff now?