Thursday, September 27, 2007

had to share what was just said to me

a friend just said to me and it is so how i feel right now...
"I feel like I'm on a merry-go-round but it isn't all that merry"
Brilliant. Sad, but funny.

I'm just saying!

COME ON OUT AND PUT YOUR FEET UP!

Eastern Shore’s Own (ESO) Arts Center
15293 King Street, Belle Haven, VA
757-442-3226

7TH ANNUAL ESO
SHORE MADE MUSIC FESTIVAL

SEPTEMBER 29, 2007

GATE OPENS AT 10:30 A.M.
$5/ADMISSION
BRING A BLANKET OR A LAWN CHAIR

BRING YOUR FAMILY
&
TELL YOUR FRIENDS!

KIDS CREATIVE PLAY AREA!
SEAFOOD – BBQ – TEX-MEX!!
ARTS & CRAFTS VENDORS
NO COOLERS PLEASE
BEER & WINE AVAILABLE FOR PURCHASE

PERFORMANCE SCHEDULE

11:00 – 11:20 DALE RICHARDSON (ACOUSTIC INDY)
11:25 – 11:45 JESSICA WEST (ACOUSTIC ALTERNATIVE)
11:50 - 12:10 RICHARD ROSE (ACOUSTIC COVERS)
12:15 - 12:45 BLESSING IN DISGUISE (CHRISTIAN ROCK)
12:50 - 1:10 WAYNE P. CREED (URBAN FOLK)
1:15 - 1:45 FISH MARKET (BLUES & ROCK)
1:50 - 2:10 JASON JUMP (ROCK)
2:15 - 2:45 PUPIL OF I (CLASSIC ROCK)
2:50 - 3:10 SCOTT & MELINDA (BLUES)
3:15 - 3:45 TURKEY PEN PICKERS (BLUEGRASS)
3:50 - 4:10 LISA STEVENS (CONTEMPORARY FOLK)
4:15 - 4:45 MICHAEL TODD (CLASSIC ROCK)
4:50 - 5:10 THE MYRTLES (URBAN FOLK ORIGINALS/COVERS)
5:15 - 5:45 THELMA & ERIKA (ACOUSTIC ORIGINALS/SOFT ROCK)
5:50 - 6:30 7TH SENSE (ORIGINAL ROCK/BLUES)
6:40 - 7:20 OLD BOOLE LEIGH (JAZZY BLUES)
7:30 - 8:10 MYNE DZAI (ACOUSTIC ROCK/COUNTRY/ROCKABILLY)
8:20 - 9:00 QUADPOD (RAGGAE/BLUES/ROCK)

Achoo, cough cough, sniffle sniffle


I awoke last night to the sound of thunder
How far off I sat and wondered
Started humming a song from 1962
Ain't it funny how the night moves
When you just dont seem to have as much to lose

Wait a minute that is all wrong...no idea where that came from!

I awoke this morning to the sound of my nose running
How far off I laid and coughed
Started singing a song from 1982
Ain't it odd how the allergies strike
When you just don't seem to know what to do


Wednesday, September 26, 2007

8:52pm, allergy medicine just kickin in, two beers -


here is a thought bouncing round my head; you know what the worse thing is about having something wonderful and losing it like say very cold Ben & Jerry's ice cream, just cooked McDonald's french fries, a new white t from the Gap, chocolate oozy cake still warm, sunglasses you found at a bar in the lost and found, that green pen, your mind, or (I know I know you are not suppose to use OR for more than two items...blah blah) like good sex? Duh!


answer: the losing of the actual thing part?! get it, got it? well that's nice. not bitter, just jad...(that is half of jaded!)


Pow! I kill me with my comedy - and that one dear folks is courtesy of a good long ago friend Miss Jen...
good night all.


"But I, ah, [whimper, snort, snot out of nose...]


cooked the pork! Everyone knows what that means."

Happy Frickin' Wednesday to ME!



wipe that frickin' grin off your face mister! Why do people say frickin' (me included, although I feel like I write it more than I say it) so much? We all know what they / I really mean, are saying! I am off to the doctor now...you know the drill...my question? "Does your mom know what you do for a living?" Peace out.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

When do you know?

Yesterday I felt I had hit rock bottom. Then today I realize I am like nowhere near it. I think I scraped my toes, just the tips. I reflected back on something, someone I saw last week. I was driving back to my house around 7am from a boy's house...now don't go thinking ill of me or ask if I charged...he is a steady boy maybe not a boyfriend persay, I think...I don't know we go back and forth so who knows and who really cares! He is a good dude and a fella I like and for now that works. Anyway...I was driving along the highway sorta thinking about stuff, sorta singing along with Bon Jovi, when out of the corner of my eye I saw this dude on, sitting on the railroad tracks. All alone. Tossled hair, old or worn looking clothes, a brown bag bottle of something and a blank stare into the distance. He had that look of not quite a full time resident of homeless town but certianly had been to visit a few times. My first thought? "I hear ya brother!" Then my second thought was "wait a minute! Who the hell do you think you are?" This man is sitting on rail road tracks at 7am on a Friday because he obviously does not have anywhere to go and has been out all night. You? You are driving a car (granted it is not mine but my brother's), to a home (granted it is not mine, but it will be some day), to eat breakfast (this is mine or was once I had poonied up the $2.50 at Mickey Ds) and you are coming from a night out with friends and some cuddling with a warm body. Shut up! And so I did.
Today when thinking about yesterday and my CHOICE that I had or felt I had hit rock bottom, I made myself go back to this sighting and I pondered it. I did indeed realize I was nowhere near the bottom of rock. I don't like to often use others as a barimeter to me in hopes to make me feel better or ok about my life and where it stands at a particular time - I think that does not better you at all just keeps you right there in that stagnet place and there perhaps longer than you really want to be or for most of us can afford to be. Yet the human condition takes me to that place anyway...sometimes. So when I do find myself in this place I at least try to take advantage of it - to not feel better than that person, that man on the tracks, but realize yes things could be much much worse. Afterall, maybe he is just someone that likes an early morning walk along the rails, got tired, sat down to rest, took a swig of "juice" and ponder his life, his rock...somehow I doubt it but hey you never really do know do you? That is not the rub that is the blessing.
My conclusion and mantra then? My toes have some blisters, yes. So what? Blisters heal. They heal even if you do pop em instead of letting them take their natural course - the bottom line is that they heal no matter what path they took to get to that stage...unless of course you're dead! Alas and thankfully, I am not! So up up and away go!

Monday, September 24, 2007

i get it

Sera: Don't you like me, Ben?
Ben Sanderson: Sera... what you don't understand is - no, see, no. You can never, never ask me to stop drinking. Do you understand?
Sera: I do. I really do.

a severe exchange in an intense scene from the powerful and dark Leaving Las Vegas film starring Nick Cage and Elizabeth Shue. Came out in 1995 and Cage won the Oscar for it. I liked this movie when I first saw it and think of it often. If you are someone that has seen it you either understand why and can relate or you may choose to think I am a little bit off. If you have not seen the movie I highly suggest doing so for many reasons. This scene especially - Sera needs him to love her, to be with her so badly, to be a part of something so desparate that she is willing to accept that he is LITERALLY drinking himself to death. It is the turning point of the movie. Your heart breaks, at least mine did, with recognition because you know that in the end she will not be able to truly be ok with him drinking himself to the grave. How could one be if you absolutely love them? The ideas of saying it and really living such a concept rarely do those two cover each other in agreement. Then how far does she go? Well, to the end - the tragic yet plausible option. Even though she cannot ever really accept his dying she does stay, commits to the journey with this person. I will not give you the specifics of the end since you may want to watch it some day. How far does one go for the hope of love, a relationship and to have what one knows is there or saw at one time? I do not know. Do you give up or struggle on for a certian amount of time till that end where it does work out or it dies? How much time is acceptable to do so and how much time is pathetic? Again, I do not know. For Elizabeth's character it was till the wall was hit and the end was a literal end, no more. This film is tragic from that perspective yet hopeful from another. Even when you are in a place where you feel or know you don't want to be you still want love, need that relationship and know in your heart it is there, exists. Even the most disastrous or messed up character can and deserves that if only for a short amount of time. Perhaps the answer is that there is no actual answer. You just do,act. She kept going until there was no more to go.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

I hate red wine, I really really do.


Last night on the radio I came across the most intense air guitar contest.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Can I ask you something? Be honest with me.

Does this microphone make me look fat? Well, does it? Jeez...so quiet today. Or are you just feeling passive agressive? Fine. Email me kay? Love you and your work!



Shake, shake...shake your booty" Thanks KC!


Tuesday, September 18, 2007

ahhhhhh...its the attack of the headless white sweatshirt wearing girl...oh no wait she is just walking by. sorry. continue on.

pssst...

I see you sitting over there doing your thing...

Monday, September 17, 2007

conversation

Girl: "Yeah just having a bad morning. Things not going well this morning"
Boy: "Well, at least you're not OJ"
Girl: "Ah that's sweet. You're right. At least I'm not really really dumb..which is nice"
Boy: [Laughter]
Girl: "Thanks sweetie"

Ah communication...it really is the glue.

Monday Monday can't trust that day

toilet overflowed this morning, I forgot to send in my federal tax payment on Saturday, I drank too much red wine last night, my cell phone battery is for real dying, I just missed hitting not just one but three deer (by the hair on their chinny chins) on the way to the radio interview...spilled my coffee in the car - the worst part? As I was walking out to the car with it, with no top cause you know I am a professional coffee drinker, I said to myself, "self? you are so going to spill this coffee!", sharp pain in my shoulder blade seems to be back...so hello Monday! At least it is all happening now - get it out of the way for the rest of the week! The highlight of it all though I have to say? The radio interview on WESR that I was a part of this morning to promote the ESO Shore Made Music Festival on September 29th! It was fun and thanks Bill and Jason for saving my sanity if only for 20 minutes.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Small town in the room



"The calamity that comes is never the one we had prepared ourselves for." - Mark Twain

I moved to a small town just about a year ago. I moved to this small town to get away from the big city. I left behind a place I was no longer able to handle or knew how - I have yet to forclose on that deal, answer that inquiry. I left at a point where I still loved the smell, the feel and wonderment of the city in order to some day return. Only a tad jaded yet no where near bitterness. Not knowing if I would or not ever return only that I wanted, needed a gate to be left ajar, a key kept to unlock my return. Sold furniture, gave clothes away and left a world I lived in for 9 years without looking back. It was night and it was raining when I left. I did not plan such a scene, a setting so dark as to symbolize finality. Like most occurences in one's life it just happened that way with no explanation or clarity. When you leave one place, change one part of your life there is such a gap created one can feel it to the core of one's being. It is almost as if a sucking sound can be, is, heard inside your rib cage. I have come to know it as relief. A letting out of air with the companion by the name of closure. You have left something behind propelled by hope to the next chapter, next opportunity and the next town. I choose a town not a city. I know from experience, observation and perspective that I am an extreme gal. I either want the craziness and madness of a big city or the slow and laid back whirl of a small town - nothing in between! Strip malls are for others and for those others I do say with greatfulness; thank you!
They say "the devil you know..." I think that means that each place, relationship, life you have possess a set of problems and joys. That when you leave one, end it for good yes you do let go of issues and problems, leave them behind. You enter into a new place and relationship and guess what? With a new set of concerns, issues, and problems. The names have changed, that is it.
"A rose by any other name is still a rose" sort of thing if you smell what I am planting. I left behind intensity and shaky ground and in return have found serenity, a clear calmness, and a true sense of being. I turned me inside out and back again. It has been a good year. I have a new devil that I do not know...yet. Been introduced, getting to know, like yet not quite sure of. A new bag of tricks I am now interacting with and learning about - gladly, yet cautiously, calmly and within me. I am in a small town now. A small town is in my room, next to me, calling me to listen. And I will...I have to, want to all at the same time.



Not once, but two times a pants

Driving around today on the back roads around my house enjoying the beautiful sunny yet cool day here in Belle Haven I came across a pair of pants. A pair of jeans strewn across the middle of the road. I swerved to avoid hitting, running over the two legged fully in tact dark blue jeans. The owner may come back for them afterall. I thought nothing of it. Often there are items on the back roads - random single shoes, fast food containers, newspapers, tree branches from past storms and t shirts. Several miles later I came upon another pair of pants, a second pair of jeans. These were faded yet also in fine condition (as much as I could tell going 45 miles an hour). Two pair of pants in just a few miles discovered, come upon both in one day? Now this seemed odd. I mean one person driving along or riding along pantless that is one thing but two people, maybe even in the same car? This got me to thinking. Who are these people? At some point in their travels to the store, to work, to visit a friend or just out joy riding they decided to take off their pants. Not only take them off (imagine this if that one was driving - now that is talent I think) but then decided to take it one step further and throw caution to the wind (hee) and toss said article of clothing out the window. Did the second person see the first one do it and then decide yes I too shall partake in that activity. Or were the pair together and one just took longer to actually throw out their pair? Questions that will never be answered. Unless of course I happen to come across some guy at the grocery store with only a shirt on. Just stuff to think about as a Sunday eases by...

Sunday morning thoughts...


I woke up this morning, fully rested, at around 7am...without an alarm. Refreshing and wonderful. The air is crisp and smells clean today. Fall is just around the corner, just outside the front door and today it feels as if anything is possible. No television, no radio, no newspaper. Only me, a dog, coffee and the sun sparkling on the creek. A few days ago I saw a paper weight on someone's desk that stated, "What would you do if you knew you wouldn't fail?" I have this same paper weight somewhere. Packed away in storage, settled, nestled at the bottom of one of many of the plastic boxes a year now forgotten since here on the shore. I remember packing it away amongst other items I somehow deemed not necessary for the next chapter in my life. When I saw this paper weight on someone elses desk I did not think of any answers and that got me to thinking. And since that interaction with myself and a saying I have still not come up with any answers. Then this morning as I came to the end of my second cup of coffee and finished another chapter in one of the three books I am currently reading - I like to read in groups. I feel it adds to each one. A certian sort of new element to each is added individually because of the group - a thought entered into my head. Not what would I do if I knew I wouldn't fail but what would I do if it was just me and not anyone else, anything else around me. No insatiable desire to know what Paris Hilton had for breakfast, no Entertainment Tonight television shows, people in rehab and I DON't know about it, just my friends, family, beer, paper, pen, books, water, boats, fish and time. What would I do? Now there is a statement for a paper weight, a question worth pondering and finding the, all the answers to.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Um, what?, ah, mmmmkay...well, ok...

Another piece of evidence that we are screwed! i mean really? [Face red, steam out of ears]

GOOGLE FUNDS $30 MILLION MOON PRIZE
Google is bankrolling a $30 million race for privately funded moon rovers - an endeavor that takes the X Prize to new heights.
The Google Lunar X Prize, announced today by the search-engine giant and the X Prize Foundation at the Wired NextFest in Los Angeles, ranks among the richest contests ever offered for technological innovation. It follows up on the $10 million Ansari X Prize for manned spaceflight, which was won nearly three years ago by the SpaceShipOne rocket plane.

Please, oh please



everyone and anyone (for i do not discriminate) STOP saying the following phrase:

"well he/she/they just threw me under the bus!"

OR

"you just threw me under the bus"

OR

"oh no you didn't throw me under the bus"

Please also stop uttering any and all other combinations of this phrase! If i hear it one more time do you know what i will do? Yup. Mmmmkay you got it but don't say it...outloud...please!

I have to say

that there are, for me at least, very few things better than how I spent my evening last night. On a boat, out on the water (key really), clear glassy water, warm yet slightly chilly breezes (a true and moving indication of fall to come), outstanding sunset, a cute boy, cold brews and caught fish. There are some things I am sure that are indeed better (I shall pause here for you to conjure those up - it is a personal thing I think), but for now and I do have to say really at any time you ask me, last night was it and it really was better than most! Last night on the water was grand. Simply grand. For no cost to me, very little travel and to no harm to anyone or the world I was able to have an experience, a night out. Within minutes out on that water, in that boat, with those fish it was so clear as to why I do live here, struggle here, and keep on going generally in life. So, thanks Bay, thanks Warrior and thanks fish for sacrificing your life for bettering mine. Grateful am I.


I could not resist posting this!


This morning I am feeling a wee bit tired and sluggish. So instead of JUST having coffee to help me I read quotes from the movie, the best movie ever by the by - Raising Arizona and I feel fantastic! I could not resist sharing one of my favorites...enjoy! Afterall this is when Nick Cage WAS acting...I said it. You all were thinking it.
H.I. (Cage): "If it's all the same to you, Honey, I think I'll skip this little get together, slip out with the boys and knock back a couple of Coca Colas."
[Ed (Holly Hunter) gives him a look of disapproval]
H.I.: "I guess that wouldn't be such a good idea."
Gale (John Goodman): "So many social engagements, so little time."

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

I will post this many more times but here it is now...

Eastern Shore’s Own (ESO) Arts Center
P. O. Box 147, Belle Haven, VA 23306
**P R E S S R E L E A S E**

7TH ANNUAL ESO
SHORE MADE MUSIC FESTIVAL
SEPTEMBER 29, 2007

On Saturday, September 29th the ESO 7TH ANNUAL SHORE MADE MUSIC FESTIVAL will again bring together families, friends and neighbors on their BIG LAWN in Belle Haven, Virginia for a music festival that has truly become a wonderful showcase for the musical and artistic denizens of Virginia’s Eastern Shore. Admission for the entire day is only $5/person. Bring a lawn chair or blanket and enjoy! No coolers please. The gate opens at 10:30 a.m. with hours of Acoustic, Folk, Bluegrass, Alternative, Rock and Blues beginning at 11 a.m. until 10:00 p.m.

There will be a Creative Play Area for children, Arts & Crafts booths and a variety of Food Vendors. Beer and wine available for purchase. Free booths for vendors.

The Red Cross Blood Mobile will be there in memory of jazz drummer/humanist/student of life Dave O’Dell.

Proceeds for the day benefit the non-profit Eastern Shore’s Own (ESO) Arts Center which supports and promotes musicians and artists of all types on the Eastern Shore of Virginia. For more information or to reserve a vendor booth call (757) 442-3226

PERFORMANCE SCHEDULE

11:00 – 11:20 DALE RICHARDSON (ACOUSTIC INDY)
11:25 – 11:45 JESSICA WEST (ACOUSTIC ALTERNATIVE)
11:50 - 12:10 RICHARD ROSE (ACOUSTIC COVERS)
12:15 - 12:45 BLESSING IN DISGUISE (CHRISTIAN ROCK)
12:50 - 1:10 WAYNE P. CREED (URBAN FOLK)
1:15 - 1:45 FISH MARKET (BLUES & ROCK)
1:50 - 2:10 JASON JUMP (ROCK)
2:15 - 2:45 PUPIL OF I (CLASSIC ROCK)
2:50 - 3:10 SCOTT & MELINDA (BLUES)
3:15 - 3:45 TURKEY PEN PICKERS (BLUEGRASS)
3:50 - 4:10 LISA STEPHENS (CONTEMPORARY FOLK)
4:15 - 4:45 MICHAEL TODD (CLASSIC ROCK)
4:50 - 5:10 THE MYRTLES (URBAN FOLK)
5:15 - 5:45 THELMA & ERICA (ACOUSTIC ORIG/SOFT ROCK)
5:50 - 6:30 7TH SENSE (ORIGINAL ROCK/BLUES)
6:40 - 7:20 OLD BOOLE LEIGH (JAZZY BLUES)
7:30 - 8:10 MYNE DZAI (ACOUSTIC ROCK/ROCKABILLY)
8:20 - 9:00 QUADPOD (RAGGAE/BLUES/ROCK)

Fall is coming!



I am conflicted on this fact. I had a fantastic although at times difficult but always interesting summer here on the shore. I love September, October and November here so I am thrilled it is coming! I have to each day remind myself to enjoy now. The weather now, my life now, my body now, my friends now, just plain ole everything now, today! Like this picture of my friend Erika and I on the beach just a month or so ago - No fireworks. No big crazy party. Just me, her, her dog, cold brews, sand, salt water, cool breezes, and no plans. Now that was a good now! Oh and of course my backpack!

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Now i am smilin!


I just found out my little brother is coming home in under 2 weeks...look out Shore! So happy he is on his way back...

Four Seasons all in one day.


Tuesday, September 11th, 2007
I am here on the eastern shore of Virginia, not in NYC.
Second year away from the city, one of the cities least we forget, where that day happened. It is odd to not be there on this day. Not bad, not good, only just not there delivered in the form of numbness. My most vivid memory of that day is truly the walking home. So many people and more doubts. I signed up right way, on the way home, to give blood - and I hate (more than most, really!) to give blood. I am the true human turnup! It is hard to write about that day and it is even more difficult not to write about it. Tons of words come to my mind and yet from the head to the hand to the paper...nothing. Rather nothing of any worth or beauty. Most of the people I spent that day with, thought of on that day are no longer in NYC either. For some reason that is what brings the salty solution to my eyes today. Again no explanation only just there. I am distant now from the town, that booming city where once I was so close, inside it, a part of a bigger animal. Afterwards people called me - many actually which was nice and sort of not - and all said consistently the same sort of thing to me..."wow I cannot even imagine how it felt to be there, in it, and I am so glad I was not there, so scary" Really? Scary? Sure. Wish I was not there? Absolutely NOT and without hesitation that is my answer. I got nothing for you in the arena of why only that that is my first initial reaction, answer. Not glad, but clear. I am calm, sad, resolved, thankful today. Four seasons all in one day. Appropriate I suppose as we head now into fall.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Porn stars were born last Saturday night!



Psst...you know who you are! What time are we due on set? The jeep scene is going to be fantastic and movie magic in the making I am just sure of it.

Last night

I dreamt of an old friend last night. She is young, our friendship is old, well from the past, a while back. Almost as if from an entirely different lifetime, world. That is the old part. It was an odd, weird sort of out of nowhere dream. I am not going to go into the details only because I find that when someone says, "oh man this dream I had last night was so weird" more times than not the dreams are not so much weird as they are boring! Incidently I don't mind when people call me "man" for I am secure in my feminity. So secure that I had to stop this dream story to point it out. Ahem, anyway, where was I? Ah, yes...
I have not heard from this friend in some time now. Nor has she heard from me in the same amount of time. I do think of her often and wonder what she is up to. Why she popped into my head last night in this dream I am not quite sure about but there she was. And now even as I am writing about her I cannot fully recall the specifics of the dream. Only that she was a main character and I was there as well...in the non dream world we simply lost touch. Stopped talking, sending letters and all communication just dropped one day. If my memory serves me correctly (I would prefer a man to serve me but hey it is all I got for now) I wrote to her last, called her last all to no response from her end. There was no big blow out, no misunderstanding. Just silence. This dream about her got me to thinking about friends, friendships, relationships of the past. Why some are still with me and why some are not. A sense of sadness covered me at first. A feeling that was so powerful it actually hurt in my heart. Then once it passed...it could have been from the pulled pork sandwich and crispy french fries I had just devoured for lunch but for story purposes I shall stick with that it was a sadness from a full realizaton of a loss. After the feeling of sadness passed and my heart was back to a normal steady beat, I felt calmed. I started thinking of all the times we spent together as friends this old friend of mine - laughing A LOT, drinking A LOT, dreaming about our futures A LOT, talking and telling secrets A LOT, making fun of people's fashion choices A LOT, crying A LOT, eating yummy food A LOT...living A LOT and getting through A LOT together. I felt myself smile A LOT as I ran through all the images of her and I in that time, that old time ago. I realized that she was my friend of that time and that what we went through and the friendship we had was for that time, what we both needed at that time. And now this time, this new time in my life I was fine without her. And for her as well fine without me. We met at that time for that time. Simple? Yes. Boring? Perhaps. A dream? Definitely.
P.S. Sorry for all the TIMEs.

Thursday, September 06, 2007

ok not to be negative but ah

ok i will give them this;
laying up to 500 eggs at one time (ouch) and that their entire life cycle takes just about a week is very interesting but what i don't know is why do they exist? Sure their life cycle is short but they seem to have a lot of friends. Sure they don't really bother me, directly, and I do love all nature but still WHY? Anyone? Bueller?

http://www.ca.uky.edu/entomology/entfacts/ef621.asp

I know...

exactly how you feel Mr. Tree.

What I would like to see


I am so tired of seeing these cute saying t-shirts that do not even make any sense...like "I love mommy!" I mean come on. As if that little 5 year old actually picked that out herself. Or "Give Peace a chance" Bah!
They are not bad necessarily but are they helpful? Contribute anything, really? If I made t-shirts (I have made one) I would make the sayings say something! like...
1. "You deplete me" (This one I did make - it is a lovely forest green with light green letters)
2. "Yes they are real. I was born with this perfect A cup"
3. "How come you are so pretty on the outside and so ugly on the inside?"
4. "No it is fine, truly it is, I just thought it would be bigger!"
5. "So there you have it. You do the math. Even though there are no numbers!"

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

My jackie Os and my elvis purse

Today is Wednesday. I fell asleep last night at around 9pm. A deep sleep until I awoke this morning around 5:30am, just before my alarm. It IS the small victories I am finding. It felt liberating to beat something, to win. I've been feeling lately that I am not winning, no scarf of flowers around my neck, no stance in the winner's circle have I been taking part in. I am aware that this feeling is not based in reality, not constructive. That is the logical side of me. Yet the other side, the wacko, the odd or weird side as some of been known to tell me I have, is not all that sure. That side of me does not always welcome facts. Things that are based in truth. For is it not safer, more dramatic to endulge in drama? How I feel and not so much what is actually happening? Yes Yes I say! And then I check in with my logical, constructive side and after a swift hard slap on the face from that side I am back to reality.
The air outside at 6:30am smelled so sweet and calmed me. The light had just come up over the creek and the water was sparkling. It felt as if all the crap that yesterday felt like well ah crap did not so much anymore. I felt refreshed. Clean, empty in a positive way. Waiting to be filled up. I did not run. Not quite ready for that - tomorrow perhaps. But I did think a lot about running and that felt groovy. Coffee in hand, flip flops on feet, Elvis purse in hand and Jackie O sunglasses on face and all was truly right with my little world on the shore. Driving to work I heard an old song and without even knowing it, planning it, I smiled. Everything seemed so simple, so brilliant and honest...just like the steady morning sun beam that was jetting across my front windshield; I too was simply just there, breathing and content. To feel so alive and so comfortable is rare and for that I am exceptionally grateful.

Delicious smelling lotions & 2 for 3 bucks meals


Sometimes it is all you need. Today for me it was. It is really the simple things in life - if you let it be. Just like life can be like a movie; you just have to commit to the script.


This young chick puts me to shame...

and i love her for it.
check out her site - http://laurenstonestreet.com/
I just had to share!
and i love her pics as well.
this one especially.



Ah crap!

Read this news tidbit just this morning and thought I would share;

Consumers, not just factory workers, may be in danger from fumes from buttery flavoring in microwave popcorn, according to a warning letter to federal regulators from a doctor at a leading lung research hospital.

A pulmonary specialist at Denver's National Jewish Medical and Research Center has written to federal agencies to say doctors there believe they have the first case of a consumer who developed lung disease from the fumes of microwaving popcorn several times a day for years.

Really? ah man we are truly screwed now!

Like the sign says that I pass each morning on my way to work, "live today as if you will be standing before HIM tomorrow" Apparently the HIM is NOT the lord but Orville Redenbacher!


It happened over night...sort of


I went to bed last night without it.
A vow I took to get it.
Exhausted from running toward it but never capturing.
Conviction that this time finally I would own it.
I woke this morning and there it was.
A sense so strong of possession in my heart.
Make statements, no more questions I said aloud.
Own my life, reach for clarity the goal of choice.
I choose, have choosen and so now I am there.
I am thankful, appreciate the experiences as of late.
For without them I could not be so far along to completion.
A solid minute of silence devoted to this commitment.
At last you are mine, all mine - certainty.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

No need to change the bath towels Heath!


It seems official now - Heath and Michelle are indeed splitting up. Well they gave a good go of it; three years. Tough. That Hollywood is a mean and ruff place it seems. But never fear my dear Heath I am on the way to Venice even as my three loyal yet misguided blog readers are now reading. I was able to catch a flight that leaves this evening. My shoulder will be available for tear catching by tomorrow afternoon. Then after tears I recommend some cold brews, a few lemon drop shots and all will be fine. No need to change any initialed towels or silver platters. I too spell my name with two Ls so all is good to go. Then we jet back to the eastern shore of Virginia (where as you all know is now not only for lovers but we live passionately!) I am sure Heath will have no problem on the eastern shore. People here are very welcoming. Especially for celebrity types. I should know. When I came here I was very well received by the shore public. They made me feel right at home. I can see it now. Sitting out on the screened in porch, sipping on gin and tonics, eating clams and laughing it up with Mr. Ledger. I hope my parents won't mind. I am sure they will be fine. Afterall, what is one more mouth to feed?

I did it!

Finished the 1/2 marathon in 1 hour, 11 minutes and 20 seconds. Pretty impressive considering I was not sure if I would even finish it. Wow. Oh wait...sorry that is not me.

There I am, to the right, with the white shirt on.

Saturday, September 01, 2007

When I play the jerk card I really play it!

I pulled a doozy this last week. I let you down. I did not call and I am not even remotely clear as to why I did not. Except that when I do start to dive into it I find some clues...not logic mind you, just clues. For now that will have to be good enough...
I totally reverted back and reacted as if to past events, occurrences.
No excuses just what happened. I was not scared I was gun shy. Someone once asked me what gun shy means. My response? Really? I need to break that one down for you? Ok here is my gun..bang bang! Ok back to this -
I think being in relationships teaches you how to be in relationships. As you are in them, doing them, flying out there in the wind, you are learning how to be in a relationship.
It is the ultimate on the job training. The top notch pinnacle intern position.
You are not paid, you are in sort of a somewhat probationary time period in the beginning and then in and out of it, and you never really know if you are going to get fired or get promoted on a regular basis.
You just know that you either like this one job or you do not, the tasks that you do each day, the people you work with or come into contact with and you simply then decide whether or not to go into that office each day and do that job...or not. Knowing that the or not will then lead you to the classifieds searching for another job. Ofcourse all the while being unemployed. Which is nice sometimes and needed.
At the end of each day you assess your day, did it work, did it not and weigh it out. If the % of stuff that worked is greater than the stuff that did not work you go home, have dinner, drink a cold brew or wine or both, watch some television, perhaps read a chapter in a book, go to bed and resolve that when you wake up the next day you will indeed get up and do it all over again.
You hope that the coworker you work with does the same, especially when thinking of you, and you go from there. Another day another experience and ideally all filled with a sense of humor.
Humor is a good thing, perhaps the best thing.
At first this experience was viewed by me as a bad thing, once again something I screwed up. Then as I investigated it, of course! I realized that it can be a good thing. We yelled, said curt and a few painful things to each other, said some nice things too, said some things i did not know, laughed (how about that? that is good), and ended the call with a promise to talk again. Most importantly we continued on with the job. I slept on it. I assessed it. When I woke the next morning I weighed it. I realized I had been a jerk and needed to tell my coworker this information. Because I was a jerk. I played my jerk card and I played it big. You called my bluff. I then went further and came to the conclusion that the % of the stuff that worked was still higher than the % of stuff that did not. I got up. Brushed my teeth, washed my face, drank my coffee and hoped for the best, for it to work out as relationships, jobs, parties tend to do when effort and time are poured into them. In other words to keep the anology going; I went back into the office.

"Excuse me, hey watch out, ok hi..."


1. ouch, oh that is your foot? Sorry.
2. Hi, nice butt.
3. Wait ah can we have dinner before we get so close?
4. So you come here often?
5. Nice weather yes? A little hot if you ask me.
6. You ever feel like a lot of people are following you?
7. Man I hope not all of these people are going to Starbucks
8. Hi yes do you know where I could get some Gu?
9. Wait 13.1 miles? I thought they said 13.1 feet, ah crap
10. Hey what is this place? I don't see any wings or white clouds...ut oh!

Top ten statements I will be uttering in less than 24 hours at the Rock N Roll 1/2 marathon in Virginia Beach.
Happy running, breathing and not having heart ache sunday TO ME!

Quote of the week....I had to

"I saw them. There were four of them and I thought there are four of us, that is if we find the lady. Oh, Hello Lady!" - Fezzik, aka Andre The Giant, Princess Bride

Yes it's hot NOW, but in the fall it will be cool and you will need me more than ever!

Yes it's hot NOW, but in the fall it will be cool and you will need me more than ever!
I am back at ESO to do some comedy; all me, all alone, well there will be beer and wine! October 18th, 7:30pm...stay tuned!

for now!

Till this chica gets settled in the blog name stays the same...deal with it! still posting but now OFF SHORE! I am working on my website so look for that soon...