me smilin

what a wonderful show i did have last night at The Bear and Cub Coffee Shoppee. They had to turn people away....now there was only seating for 35 so i am not calling Leno just yet but the feeling that they had to turn people away feels good. Ecelctic and fun crowd attended and they paid me. Wow! My second to last show here on the shore and it was fantastic. Thank you to Amy and Joe who own the B & C - you two are making it happen and for that i love ya! Have a super duper weekend people.

PS. I just noticed that in the picture of me up top with the mic i look like a blonde jewish vampire. Ah aint life grand? There has got to be something there...i am off to find out, me, my journal and my butt at The Bear and Cub!

question

can one have anything other than a "personal" opinion? stop saying that people!

the truth

you have one job people! to be the best human being you can be. that is it. cut and dry and as simple as that. if you do that, if you strive for that to be your inner mission, passion, goal then i gurantee all else will fall into place, present themselves in an orderly fashion. if you are making a face right now then never mind. have a day kids, toots and smooches to you.

Memoir Entry #12

this should keep ya busy....

Leaving the Shore

It has been 18 months now since on the shore living with the older
couple. Things are nice and Peaceful here. Alas I feel as
If it is time to move on. To try out another area, a new adventure. I’ve
secured another room with another lovely older couple down south in
North Carolina. The lovely older couple here on the
Shore referred me to them. They are good friends. I believe
they keep telling me that this couple are my Godparents.
I asked the lovely older couple here what that means. It was
explained to me by the older woman of the couple that
these two are now responsible for my spiritual guidance
should anything happen to her or the lovely older
gentleman. Seems fair enough. I feel as if the time has come
to pursue my passion is a larger community. A simple passion really.
Staying one and sometimes two steps ahead of “the man”.
I have so enjoyed my time here on the shore and find that I shall
miss so many things about it. The lack of options for one.
That is nice. No thinking Involved. The waving by
people I don’t know I shall miss as well.
Even though it is not socially accepted for a
woman to wave, I do so.
I’m concerned about my lifestyle changing. I’ve asked the lovely
Older couple to provide me with 3 cars, a chef and 18 months of
Rent stipend as this is the lifestyle I’ve come accustomed to.
I will miss my morning chats with the local farm dogs. The shore
Name is actually deer. I’m pretty sure it’s the state dogs.
I am thrilled that while
Here on the shore I have finally been diagnosed.
For so long now I have feared. The worse about what was
ailing me. I moved here to find out what and so
happy that the time has not Been wasted. The doctor told me just
The other day, “oh honey, you are very focused, you
are just lazy and don’t want to do the work!”
What a relief to finally be diagnosis. I called
my best girlfriend and told her. She was so happy for
me and proceeded to ask If I was doing this, and then
finishing that, to which I had to say, “whoa, there missy!
I’ve just been now diagnosed. It may be months maybe even
years before there is any substantial behavior change!”
I did have a dream the other night about my new journey down
South. I dreamt that I was paddling down a river of gravy with two
queue tips. When I told the young Farmhand, the one that incidentally
looks a lot like me, I said is that not weird and what does it mean? To
which he replied, absolutely nothing! I have been able to pay
off some of the large debt I owe but not all. I called the credit card
company just the other day In hopes of extending my
credit limit. All the time truly knowing in the heart
of my heart that it was not to be. While on hold waiting for the
lovely adolescent girl to Come back on the line
To tell me no, I thought it quite discomforting that the
hold music they played was, “Bridge over troubled water”
I am not sure if they think that is humorous or not, I
alas did not. I fear that the credit card
company guys sitting up in their office eating their
20 dollar lunches and sipping on their 5 dollar coffees are
looking at my file and are concerned. This makes me
feel so good inside. That they are taking the time.
I fear they are concerned not so much about the payments
I am not making for us all know that is just money.
No I hear them saying things like, “I am worried for this
Miss Maclay. She does not seem to be living
up to her potential” and “What has happened to her?
She use to buy so many material items and now
all she buys is gas, Cheetos and slim jims”
I do find it encouraging and really a leap of faith at
All of the credit card offerings they are now
Sending me in the mail. This has got to be a good
sign. After all, if they did not care why would they
Send me so many offers, approved for cards?
surely they know my situation. It reassures me that
It is not about the money but they are genuinely
concerned about my potential, my welfare. So sweet.
I have yet to take them up on their offer but
now find myself with this new move considering it.
And as I am often heard exclaiming, “I say live for
each day!” I do try to live each day as if it were my
last. However I do find it rather frustrating when
I wake up each morning alas I am still there. And have to
start it all over again. Perhaps this is why
people have children, to leave them their debt.
Makes sense.
I overheard the older couple talking the other night in regard
to a tax gift now being offered by the federal gift.
I’m rather excited although at the same time I fear that the
tax man is good friends with the credit card gentlemen and I shall
never see “that gift”
more later as I hear the older woman clomping
up the stairs, talking to herself.
Which I do have to say as a side note, even if she
does talk to herself, what she says does seem to be
good advice for on several occasions I have listened in
to her conversations with herself. I do hope they will be ok, the
Lovely older couple, once I am gone. I will miss them.
I shall have to return and check on them regularly to make sure.
I’ve encountered quite a few people who once I tell I live
with this lovely older couple, say, “how can you do that?”
To which I reply, “ah how can you not?”
I highly recommend it.
I have so enjoyed my time here on the shore. I am
eternally grateful to it and to all I have encountered,
One and all. Thank you. Till next time, goodbye.

words rule!

three new favorite words:

toots, smooches, and kid

i am using em and i am gonna use em a lot!

leaving a place

a place is a place as a chunk of time allows it to be.
there are people you meet, conversations you have and experiences undertaken.
in a pocket of time and space you are placed, alone, and made available.
a learning may take place, a priority figured out and then a calmness descends.
past yourself you sense a breeze flowing, gently gliding past you fresh from the ocean.
a whif of a scent familiar yet no finger can be put upon it, to name it.
for now name is needed, only a feeling suffices and for now that is good for you.
your name is known to a few, maybe even many and you like that idea, welcome it.
plans made, schedules secured, people to show up and say goodbye, so long to you.
could it be fulfillment that now floats inside my blood, traveling along my vein highway?
again another place i've lived and actually lived.
or am i in Kansas?

commence freak out mode

two weeks till i pack up my car with clothes, one piece of art (don't ask it is just the number i came up with...), my journals, and my sunglasses and move to north carolina. it always seems to amaze me or rather never ceases to amaze me how one can feel two very strong and opposite emotions all at once. i am happy and both sad all wrapped in one body. cool.

a half that made me whole

been sort of out of it over the last week...so not posting as regular as i would prefer and as my head works. lots of stuff moving around in there but not been able to get it to my fingers, to then the blog site. this morning as i sit in the cape charles coffee shop on my second cup o joe waiting for my friend sophia to join me i had a flash of something that happened to me last week that i want to share. it was so small, so fast in occuring that i think my little brain tucked it away without truly reflecting upon it - not sure if the event has any significance or not...more than likely not as most small, beautiful events tend to be...no significance needed as things can just happen and be left at that.
i attended a church service last week, a service at night, that my pop played with his bluegrass band at...for easter. it was very nice, laid back, a nice small intimate crowd...just the way i like to pray, be a part of a church. the band played a few songs, we sang, and then the pastor said a few words and made us laugh. nice. we then took communion. since it was a small not in the regular schedule of services there were not the lovely ladies standing in the isle to direct us up to the alter to take part in the communion. therefore, i was not sure when to go, i waited for others to go and then i was one of the last to get up there. by the time i got up there i had missed the wafer distribution, the body as they say, and i was sort of not sure what to do. i got down my knees as you do, put out my hands and started to think on what to do. do i ask him for a wafer as he comes back around with the wine, the blood of christ, and it is ackward or do i skip it and do only the blood part but what would then happen? i mean if i don't do the entire process is that bad, would it not work, not take? this all happening in about 20 seconds! ah! when i then felt a tap on the shoulder from behind. i turned and there was a nice looking older man there, smiling at me. he then proceeded to break his wafer in half and hand me one of the halves. i took it and turned just in time to be in perfect position to receive a sip of wine - it was perfect. i said a few words of thanks to the alter and then headed back to my seat in the pew. before i made it back i was crying...and smiling. this man gave me half of his body and it made me full. we sang two more songs in which i continued to cry through - not wails mind you, just soft flowing, quiet tears of happiness and appreciation. service ended, we gave peace and then we had some homemade soup and bread in the parish house. that is it, really. any meaning to it? i don't know. I do however know it was a simple, pleasant and unexpected occurance in a place i'd not been in some time. and that in itself, all alone, has significance. way more than this one can put into words, blog entry or speech. so i say goodbye for today and wish that peace be with you.

wednesday: coffee shop, job hunting, mattress searching...sort of...

i'm taking a break from craigslist. when i came across the free sticks and branches entry i thought that perhaps it might be time to break away from that activity for a little bit. due to that i am in process of making a big fat TO do list of all the things i need to get done in order to head on down the road to north carolina in THREE weeks it truly hit me...ack! ack...this is for reals, for keeps! it is going to happen. And i do ponder that after a terrific unplanned afternoon at the pub, delicious dinner at friend's house, several bottles of wine later, telling stories of FIRSTS this last Monday, i am so going to miss this place. when i moved here a mere 18 months ago, i like to say months instead of a year and a half cause it sounds shorter to me and also that is what new moms do with their first kid, but i digress....poorly! When i moved here i had no idea that i would come across so many wonderful, funny, talented, brilliant, goofy, silly, beer drinking, and just plain good ole peeps. what a pleasant surprise indeed. therefore it was decided this last Monday by a committee of one, moi, that i shall spend the last three weeks while here on the shore spending my unemployment checks and drinking heavily. it was decided at the pub, naturally. for all that are in a close enough radius to me i invite you to join me. spring is coming soon to be followed by summer and what better way to welcome in the warmth and singing birds than by sitting inside a pub drinking? none other!!!

so much fun we did have on saturday night!

I had a blast Saturday night at ESO. My bud Theron and I rocked the comedy tree hard and laugh fruit fell like rain. Ack, that was dumb. But you get my drift i bet! I am sure it is quite clear that I am an amateur blogger when it comes to pics...but you get the picture. (obviously I am not an amateur at being funny - ha!)

A memoir entry

one of many written and more to come...

MEMOIR ENTRY #4
Its been 6 months now since I’ve
moved in with the lovely older
couple here on the eastern shore.
They are an interesting couple.
At first I was sort of weirded out
by all of the framed pictures of me
they have up all over the house.
But then I realized that is just their
way of making me feel welcome.
They do speak a unique language.
Both are speaking what appears to be
English, even the same form of it,
the same words yet at times they
are unable to understand one another.
The language seems to have something
to do with the proximity in which
they are to each other. For example
when sitting at the dinner table,
perhaps just a foot apart from each
other it seems rather difficult
for each to hear eachother.
The conversation consists of
grunts and “huhs?”
The peculiar part being that when
one is in the far living room,
on the other side of the house,
and the other in the kitchen at the
other end of the house, they seem to hear
eachother perfectly.
As well oddly and much to my surprise
I have picked up this interesting slang of
the area. I guess it is true that the
best way to learn a new language is
to immerse yourself in the culture,
the people, and sink or swim.
And even beyond just grasping it
I am able to translate for them., much to their delight!
They seem to truly appreciate my
talent for grasping this unusual
language and reward me by
feeding me delicious meals
and offering me alcoholic
beverages. Even to go as far as
to have free reign of their wine
cellar.

I’ve done some research
and have since learned the name of this foreign yet
vaguely familiar language they converse in.
The name of it is mumbling.
I 've been able to secure employment in
another town, Cape Charles, from the one in which I reside,
Belle Haven, with the older couple, quite a distance, a
journey or so I am told so often by the
locals with remarks like “oh my you drive
All the way here from there and then
All the way back again at night?” “you live where?”
Is that up north somewhere? I shake my head yes
and answer politely. I do not want to rile the locals
up since living among them so far has been peaceful
and I am learning a lot. I really don’t mind the long
distance, all 28 miles of it, the drive in the morning.
The vehicle I have precured is enjoyable to drive
and seems quite reliable. I like having something of
my own. And actually when I say my own I truly mean, to
be fair, the fine young farm hand's. It is his car. He is
extremely friendly, helpful and as well looks strikingly
like myself. I fear he has as well been taking pictures of me
when I am not looking since he as well as a few of me
in his room I have never seen before.
He purchased the vehicle from the woman of
the older couple but has yet to pay her entirely for it.
So she has loaned it to me for the time being. Often she says,
“well I have half a mind to repossess that car from him”
and then proceeds to laugh for what to me seems to be an
over extended period of time. It seems to make her happy.
And yet again, I don’t say anything. I don’t want to come
across as ungrateful since they have taken me in on merit.
They are very generous to someone they don’t really know.
Paying for other various necessities like electricity, netfix,
popcorn, scotch, advil, and triple A batteries. I’ve been
spending a lot of time getting to know the older
couple and so far it seems that we do have a lot in common.
We’ve discovered one thing in particular that goes by the
name of DNA. Note to self, when first free moment, look up
This DNA. I’ve not really been dating. I fear there might
be a language barrier as well with men here or perhaps the
pick up lines of this area do not translate well to others.
They seem so confusing. For example just last week
a young man came up to me in the grocery store parking
lot and said, “get in the truck” and smiled.
Then just the other evening I was in a fine drinking
establishment in town and this fine young gentleman
came up to me at the bar, right up to
me so that at first I thought oh good
someone direct and who knows what he wants.
Then he proceeded to push me, hard, and say,
“Hey get the hell out of the way”
I was so confused.
I wonder as to why he did
not go ahead and ask me out. Instead he seemed to be
playing some game. Doing
some tribal ritual dating dance.
I don’t usually like to toot my horn, but
“toot toot” for I am very happy
with my choice to live with the
lovely older couple, who for some reason
as of late have requested that I call
them mother and father…and again I
abide by their peculiar wishes since they are
so kind and seem to be moving
slower but speeding up in the consumption of
this brown liquid called SCOTCH.
I am proud of my contribution to the
environment and my sacrifice for
Mother earth. Truly would it not be
environmentally damaging to live on
my own? Wasteful even. Using separate
gas to heat a house when they are already
heating it, buying separate groceries when
they have so much to share? And so on.
I am hopeful that this arrangement
will continue on. I do chores around
the house to help out such as picking up
after myself, throwing the recyclables actually
in the recycle bin, unloading the dishwasher,
making them laugh…and other such vital tasks.
Until the older couple stop feeding me
and ask for rent I shall stay on as
their boarder, afterall truly it is the least
I can do. Until next entry, stay safe.