You Can Go Home

You can go home.

Yet like every choice

there are consequences.

The hidden thoughts,

unspoken languages

all exist just beneath

the skin surface.

Emerging at morning coffee,

slipping out at the hour of scotch.

Here's something to do around town

What is better than red wine? 3 bottles of red wine. Wednesday night this week I stopped by a friend's house for A glass of red vino and a chat. It was a lovely warm evening and so we sat on her front porch and gossiped, laughed. Well then one more glass, then a 2nd bottle and then a 3rd...which of course led to a phone call to a boy...my advice? If you plan to stop by a friend's house for A glass of vino anytime soon be sure to plan on the following:
A. bring a toothbrush for you will spend the night
B. turn off your cell phone
C. eat dinner

I'm just saying...

Das Boots!

These boots are made for walking.
These boots will take me to where I go.
If only I knew where that was.
The place and time in which I am to land.
I ask these boots and only get a stare.
I beg of them to make it clear on our destination.
No response. No information. Just there.
A value test evidently now in full swing.
It is up to me these boots say without words.
Words shooting at me from all over.
People telling me what to think, to do.
My gut screaming up at me to shut them out.
Listen to me, hear my gut's voice it utters.
Shut them up. Tell them no.
My voice inside must be louder than those.
I am doing the walking here for me.
I am the leading lady in this movie and not the best friend.
Close my eyes now and drift into me.
See me and listen to only I.
I hear ya boots, I get what you are givin.
These boots are made for walking...
and that's just what they'll do.

It was fun AND...

look how %$^&*@! skinny I look! excellent!

Ok now to the goods...this picture is from an open mic that a fun crew from the Shore of Virginia jetted to last week in Virginia Beach. The locaton? The Holiday Food Mart. A convenience store and gas station. It was great. You walk into a very nice convenience store, turn to your right and there is an entire stage, audience area set up and rearing to go. Better set up than most comedy clubs I have seen in a while! It was fantastic. The crew that runs it was so welcoming and warm and fun to hang with. I highly recommend any entertainer or audience member checking it out. Our crew from the shore shined. I thought we might be superstars but this gig comfirmed it. Our numero uno roadie and groupie Mr. Chris was there as well cheering and getting buds!

Not only that but it was a new and learning experience for this comedian. For some reason I had planned to do all of my blue aka dirty jokes or anything with a swear word in it stuff. I have no clue as to why I thought this was the right thing to do. For some reason I just assumed that, "hey I am going to VA Beach to do comedy so I MUST do dirty material" So naturally we get there and guess who is in the audience? Kids. Young ones. And not young men in their early 20's that I like to call kids and that I am totally attracted to and know that yes in some states it is illegal but not so much in Virginia sort of kids! Ha. Wait, 24 is legal in all states yes? Ok good.

Ok so it is time to adjust. Into action I go. A good test. Luckily I had already sampled a few Sierra Nevadas on the ride over (I love you SN!) so the brain was a pumping! Side note: Key word in that last sentence being RIDE. I rode over to the beach. Ok back to it! I adjusted material and only said one bad word so overall a fine job came out of it.

The moral of this tale? When going to a convenience store to do comedy be sure to plan for any INconveniences you may incur. Or rather is it, be sure to always have a back up plan - in comedy and in life!

Peace and all that crap.

I felt it, no really I did!

I turned off the light.

Fell back onto the pillows.

Pulled up the quilt and settled in to sleep.

It was completely pitch black dark.

No sound. No wind, rain, crickets, nothing.

Loud silence.

For the first time in a while I felt the air, the night.

I could hear deer whispering outside my window.

My ears were in tune.

Skin tingled.

Outside of myself. I did not see, I sensed it.

Transformation. I am transforming. I've known this for a while.

Been on the shore, here in this new location, for about 6 months and that is what I am doing. My one job for right now.

Only for the first time I felt it happening, physically and not mentally or because I said so. It is happening. Last night I felt transformation. It was a transformation episode!

I can feel myself actually going through a transformation.

Ah shit, ah yes! All rolled into one. I am scared and excited.

I am getting to me and so far what I see, feel, hear and know I like it.

p.s. this picture is not me, I just like it. Ouch! A tree for an ass? That has got to be difficult to explain on dates.

You Fadi

I woke this dawn

your face, your eyes

finally you've moved out.

You're fading and

the smell of your skin,

a scent I can only now see

drifts away in wisps outside my window.

Your aroma lingers no more inside my nose.

My mind catches itself not pondering you

and a smile releases itself across my face.

Your reflection in a rain shower runs down a hill.

A touch once desired forgotten as if from an old movie.

I am free and alone.

Hey, you brave lady, Tasha!

The formula?

1. Strong vison - CHECK

2. Focus - CHECK

3. Conviction, Believe it will happen - CHECK

4. Action - "You are really doing it baby! - CHECK

Hang in there baby and just KEEP ON WORKING!

I love you my dear.

Sleep?

Wednesday, 2am, pitch dark, quietly noisey...am I sleep, awake?

I am asleep.

I am awake inside of my dream.

A car, a white van swerves and stops.

Doors fly wide open, hands grab me.

People talking, screaming at me, to me.

No recoginition can you see on my face.

In a crowd in this van I am alone, lonely.

Trees and cars we jet by at a top speed.

Now in a place I am unfamiliar with.

This group does not like me, does not know me.

They tell me I am wrong with no reason given, a fact they say.

I am scared and yet calm all in swirled into one.

I let out a tearless cry, no sound escapes my mouth to find an ear.

On a plane they take me now, all holding onto me.

Leave the ground and enter dark clouds.

I shall never see things and souls I know of again.

They are going to kill me and I will not struggle.

I know this like I know my ten toes and fingers.

I am not alone anymore, nor lonely.

I become one of them, floating inside their blood.

Hair Today

Last week, Wednesday night after a night out, I cut my hair...again. I am not sure why I find such rejuvenation in this activity. It empowers me. No I am not pulling a "Brittany" - I just made that up by the by and I want credit when it comes out in the future on "Hollywood buzz look at me and all the crazy shit I did today" blog or whatever one of those sites is named...I have plenty of hair left on my head and perhaps Brittany knows or realizes what I have come to embrace - it grows back. Ah there it is...the source of empowerment.

Here is what I really wanted to tell you this morning:

When talking with my mom this morning, hair down for the first time since the butchering ahem the trim of last week, (which I have to admit was a lot of fun - having a secret like that), she kept staring at my hair, no eye contact. I know this maneuver, this action quite well from past experiences all throughout childhood. Not so much disapproval more of confusion and curiousity. So I said, interrupting my ownself mid sentence, "don't worry I am just letting it dry, I am going to put it up when I get to work."

She then snorted out, "Oh I don't care. Just why don't you get someone professional to cut it? I don't get it."

"I am going to mom, this girl at work cuts hair and she is going to do it" I replied outloud while thinking in the head, or not, not sure if that will happen or not...maybe. I continued, "but really I just don't care to tell the truth" and audience truthfully? I don't. And not in a "oh my life is awful and I have given up" way at all. Just a plain, down and dirty "have not put any thought or time into thinking on it so therefore not worried on it" sort o thang.

She then ended it by saying, well I had to go anyway - coffee in hand, car keys a jangling and uneven hair a drying and all..."well", she slipped in, "but you just don't want to go around looking like someone or you cut your hair with a razor blade!" She did laugh after she said this last statement, which was comforting for some reason.

The funny thing is, the reality of it all is I don't care. I am one of the few in this country, or so it feels and I don't have any actual evidence to prove this feeling I possess so it is just my own view really, that does not care about hair! It just appears to me to be something not to be concerned about.

I'm just saying...

Indeed!

I watched Babel this weekend in the comfort of my own home. Babel...that is correct it was babel, babel indeed.

A confusion of sounds or voices.
A scene of noise and confusion. I get it. The point. Ok.

Yep. The good part, honestly? Brad Pitt was actually a minor part in the movie.

I did cry at the end when the naked teenager is on the balcony and her father comes out and they hug. That is just good cinema.

I'm just saying...

This is no JOKE

"what's shakin'?" says Pete the polar bear

I joke about the lovable polar bears...one of my best jokes actually..."Now you see me, now you don't!"
Well if things are not taken care of, people don't take notice, the polar bear may be heard saying just that, "Now you see me, now you don't"

Read the article if you can and voice in support if agree. If not, boo on you and consider yourself a nature hater...ok that is a little harsh and you know I don't really mean it and yet...well anyway, do what you can. It is an email - a few minutes out of your hectic busy day to save a big warm intelligent animal.
I'm just saying...

http://www.capwiz.com/awc/issues/alert/?alertid=9348376&type=AN

NYC vs. The Eastern Shore Obs. #6

When in New York City i would have an experience with the transportation system that i imagine or atleast hope others in the big ole apple of a city had as well. If not, certianly ok, but if so even better. When standing on the subway platform at any station, as the train is coming into the station, the stop, rambling...at times barreling down the tracks towards us patient traveling soldiers, there is this split second, a millisecond even, a rippling feeling inside of me where an image flashes across my brain. The scene is of me flinging myself off of the platform onto the tracks and as you can guess, being run over by the train. Although to be honest, yes, the vision never evolves that far. It is just a sensation of me jumping in front of the train. And there is never a feeling that i would actually do it, it is only a consideration that i could do it. A possibility. Before it has even happened really it is then gone. It evaporates as snow flakes are known to do on that just above freezing temperature of a day as they hit black top pavement, gone instantly as if never created. However, the sensation, the sentiment in which this flash of an apparition would linger. It seemed to provide this electric charged current to run through my body, through the rest of my day. It is a boast, a kick in the ass, even an injection of life, a natural drug in the most literal sense. Goose bumps planting on my skin and taking up residence the entire train ride to work, or wherever it was I would be attempting to go - Possibility. A chance. That power or opportunity to beyond a doubt manauever your life in a second. To know that it all could really change in an instant...what a consideration and quite frankly a gift.
So now you ask, "What is the observation #6, the difference between that in NYC and now here on the Eastern Shore of Virginia?"...well quite simply it is this...one lovely morning on the way to work i stood just on the edge of a field, a field filled with deer (well at least 4 or 5 of em) and waited for one to charge me, to ramble into the grassy station at me...just not the same, no electricity no charge or bolt! It was more of an unflustered significant sense of strength that hit me as one deer stared at me and i back at her, and then of course I staring at the back of her as she lept away into a near by woods. i'm just saying...

Thursday Thursday...

can't trust that day...Thursday Thursday...ok you get the idea. Today is Thursday. I am tired today. I seem to always be tired by the time Thursday rolls around. I feel like this is the day that should be the last day of the work week. And my body agrees. Getting up out of bed seems harder, takes longer; like walking through pudding. Chocolate pudding with that top layer of congealed pudding still on top feeling. I woke up this morning and did not move for a good 5 minutes from the same spot, position from which I had slept in all night. I looked up at the ceiling, turned to look at the chinese lamp to the left of me on my night table, turned to the right to take in all of my clothes strewn (what I cool word yes?) all over on the dresser, not in on, shoes scattered around and in front of my closet like dead soldiers waiting to be collected and buried in their final resting place. What the hell? Ah hello it is Thursday and I only on my first cup o' joe! Then it hit me...I live in a walk in closet, cool. I then returned back to looking up at the ceiling and this little diddy began to run through my brain...

Good morning to me, good morning to you

Get up out of bed that is what you should do

Oh no I don't want to and you can't make me

Oh yes I can and I shall, don't test my capabilty!

Screw you go to hell

Ok that is fine and maybe I will

in the meantime, get the hell up!

May the schwartz be with you all on this fine and fickle Thursday on earth.

TUESDAY

Give me strength today to go the length.

Provide me insight for it to be alright.

Let me breathe in hope enabling me to cope.

Allow me vision which to keep me from collision.

Grant to me the gift of acceptance allowing me to complete a sentence.

Oh and make me stop writing this poem of slop!

Well hello Tuesday and a good day to you kind sir!

Grass of Blue

I wrote this sitting in the lobby of a Holiday Inn in Hampton this last weekend. I attended a blue grass festival the night before in the same hotel. I was waiting for the rest of my party to join me for breakfast. I saw one of the players from the night before as he left the back entrance with his banjo and then this happened, it just came out. I like it a lot. I wrote for me.
Read, enjoy it if you so desire.

Grass of Blue

He strums the chords.
Lace on fire, flame upon mountain.
A voice begins as a whisper
then builds like lilac on a vine;
soft, steady and vibrant.
Harmony echoes and lingers
around my ears, searching
for a heart to let it in.
Alone now waiting
for just one more chance.
He strums the chords.
Silk billowing over warm southern
even breeze.
Pain released quietly
as if a cat staulking its prey.
Power and pride long since moved on.
Leaving me no longer a neighbor without a glance,
a thought or word to spare.
I now strum a chord, one only.
Flicker of flame, puff of smoke
that seeps out, up and then melts
into my skin.

A new poem I wrote and dedicate to Heather

A Day on The Shore

Rosemary flowers purple, faint and bright.

Cowbell windchime does a job now long vacant,

cows all gone.

Only a decoration of the time since slipped by.

Red dog asleep in a March sunshine shadow.

A sky aching with blue powder adorned with wisps

of white cloud splatter.

A breeze that lays warmth upon my blotchy skin.

Water below me skates past carrying light on its back,

searching for the next solid shore.

A pumpkin past its prime holds tight to a wooden deck

worn dull from a 1000 steps.

So here's what I been thinking...

Mistakes

I've learned that the making of mistakes is the easy part indeed.

I find it takes no thought, no planning and certianly no creed.

You move on after the mistake is made without any thought.

It floats in the rearview mirror, drifts out of sight, not being sought.

Then a day, a week maybe even two pass and there it is again, up front and personal back with you.

Unannounced it came, standing there demanding and asking, "ah hello whatcha gonna do?"

The struggle begins and right from the gate you are the loser.

Back and forth you wrestle with it, bargain with it, yet you are never the choser.

It slaps you first and then if only out of habit you slap back.

Punches are thrown, words are tossed, even hurled, giving no slack.

And just when you think it is over, you can go on no more,

a reprieve appears, a light is seen and you move on past the mistake shore.

You know the peace is temporary for how long you are never sure.

You linger in that gap of serenity, wadding as if in a gentle pond and hope that this time a found cure.

Perhaps this time is the one that will stick and no more visits to this place to be made.

The mistake will move on, take its friend regret leaving the game over and played.

Finally you have let this one go and now calmness is allowed in.

Now the feeling is allowed to settle that indeed it is ok to be living in this skin.