Thankful

This is sort of tough. I am broken. Not sad, well a little bit. I am broken. Cracked if you will. It hit me last night as I lay in bed. The wind blowing hard up against the house, trees bending over, rain drilling the ground as if being paid...it hit me as it all hit the earth, I am broken. I'm here to get fixed. I need some putty. I know probably my friends are tired of hearing this story. I am sort of exhausted of telling it, feeling it. Nowhere near done I think. I prayed to the God Ganeesh last night to give me strength and courage to plunge down that dark hole that is now before me. I found the hole last night. I am at the edge and I am scared. I want to fall, to jump even. I am still standing on the edge. I can see into the hole. It is dark and I know I will be alone in it. There is light around me, warming me, reminding me that if I stay here things will be OK. Ugh. Boring. OK is what I've been living for so long now. Walking around the hole, even stepping over the hole. Ok you big baby, you talker. Time to jump. So why am I thankful today, the day before we as a nation celebrate turkey and yams? A day where football overrides the remberance that we ate with people and them gave them a gift of disease? ouch. A day where eating, drinking and passing out on the couch is all acceptable, a pass for one day? I am thankful for these thoughts I have. I am thankful that I am broken and finally I see it. I am thankful that it happened here, happened now. Some people go their whole lives and never once see that they are broken. Look at themselves and see who they are for real. Most people I meet just don't do it. I am thankful this day before one of my favorite days of the year because if something is broken it means it can be fixed.