A year

I woke up this morning with such a feeling of power. I realized that in a few weeks my first year now living on the eastern shore will be complete. From one big perspective I feel that it has gone really fast and I have not accomplished anything at all. Then when I dive into the specifics I come to see that I have done a lot...especially for someone that had a mini life crisis or half a breakdown in NYC, uprooted 9 years of history and scooted down the coast to live with her parents after 20 years of being on her own. The shore embraced me. Took me in and gave me just what I needed - it is as if this place knew how to heal me without even asking me what I wanted or needed to do so. Which is nice for a couple of reasons...if asked that question at the time of first coming here to the shore I would have had no idea of what to say and two because well let's face it a piece of land, an area talking to you, let alone asking you, "hey there little lady how can we the ocean, the bay, the land help you?" would seem a tad bit out there to say the least. I said I experienced a mini life crisis not complete craziness. I am not crazy. Although I read somewhere that people who say they are not crazy tend to ah well be so. A little crazy is sometimes good. It keeps one sane. Back to my first year here on the shore - What have I done so far in this 12 months? I believe I have discovered or rather uncovered the type of performer, artist I want to be. That takes a long time people. At least a year. Now I have to do it, execute it, make it happen as one may say. That is the second year. What else? I've been working on myself, relationships and all that crap of the heart and at times the head. I am dating someone. A someone. I am learning that timing may not be everything but it IS a big part of it. I am not giving up in this area and that takes guts. I have come to realize that I am brave. I now know that you do have to walk out on the limb for the fruit but fuck then you see how far the drop is! I have to say it feels like I am making progress yet still have a ways to go all at once, tied together. This is hard. I truly understand why people hesitate to do it, to go there and why they retreat from it, put up all defenses so as not to deal with it. At the same time I find I am conflicted - how can one NOT deal with it? How can one allow that big fat elephant to continue to rest in that corner? A big realization is that I have done a lot of work this last year and there is still more to do in this coming year.

So why do I say I woke this morning with such a feeling of power? My answer? Even though there are no numbers involved, do the math.