Small town in the room

"The calamity that comes is never the one we had prepared ourselves for." - Mark Twain

I moved to a small town just about a year ago. I moved to this small town to get away from the big city. I left behind a place I was no longer able to handle or knew how - I have yet to forclose on that deal, answer that inquiry. I left at a point where I still loved the smell, the feel and wonderment of the city in order to some day return. Only a tad jaded yet no where near bitterness. Not knowing if I would or not ever return only that I wanted, needed a gate to be left ajar, a key kept to unlock my return. Sold furniture, gave clothes away and left a world I lived in for 9 years without looking back. It was night and it was raining when I left. I did not plan such a scene, a setting so dark as to symbolize finality. Like most occurences in one's life it just happened that way with no explanation or clarity. When you leave one place, change one part of your life there is such a gap created one can feel it to the core of one's being. It is almost as if a sucking sound can be, is, heard inside your rib cage. I have come to know it as relief. A letting out of air with the companion by the name of closure. You have left something behind propelled by hope to the next chapter, next opportunity and the next town. I choose a town not a city. I know from experience, observation and perspective that I am an extreme gal. I either want the craziness and madness of a big city or the slow and laid back whirl of a small town - nothing in between! Strip malls are for others and for those others I do say with greatfulness; thank you!

They say "the devil you know..." I think that means that each place, relationship, life you have possess a set of problems and joys. That when you leave one, end it for good yes you do let go of issues and problems, leave them behind. You enter into a new place and relationship and guess what? With a new set of concerns, issues, and problems. The names have changed, that is it.

"A rose by any other name is still a rose" sort of thing if you smell what I am planting. I left behind intensity and shaky ground and in return have found serenity, a clear calmness, and a true sense of being. I turned me inside out and back again. It has been a good year. I have a new devil that I do not know...yet. Been introduced, getting to know, like yet not quite sure of. A new bag of tricks I am now interacting with and learning about - gladly, yet cautiously, calmly and within me. I am in a small town now. A small town is in my room, next to me, calling me to listen. And I will...I have to, want to all at the same time.

Not once, but two times a pants

Driving around today on the back roads around my house enjoying the beautiful sunny yet cool day here in Belle Haven I came across a pair of pants. A pair of jeans strewn across the middle of the road. I swerved to avoid hitting, running over the two legged fully in tact dark blue jeans. The owner may come back for them afterall. I thought nothing of it. Often there are items on the back roads - random single shoes, fast food containers, newspapers, tree branches from past storms and t shirts. Several miles later I came upon another pair of pants, a second pair of jeans. These were faded yet also in fine condition (as much as I could tell going 45 miles an hour). Two pair of pants in just a few miles discovered, come upon both in one day? Now this seemed odd. I mean one person driving along or riding along pantless that is one thing but two people, maybe even in the same car? This got me to thinking. Who are these people? At some point in their travels to the store, to work, to visit a friend or just out joy riding they decided to take off their pants. Not only take them off (imagine this if that one was driving - now that is talent I think) but then decided to take it one step further and throw caution to the wind (hee) and toss said article of clothing out the window. Did the second person see the first one do it and then decide yes I too shall partake in that activity. Or were the pair together and one just took longer to actually throw out their pair? Questions that will never be answered. Unless of course I happen to come across some guy at the grocery store with only a shirt on. Just stuff to think about as a Sunday eases by...

Sunday morning thoughts...

I woke up this morning, fully rested, at around 7am...without an alarm. Refreshing and wonderful. The air is crisp and smells clean today. Fall is just around the corner, just outside the front door and today it feels as if anything is possible. No television, no radio, no newspaper. Only me, a dog, coffee and the sun sparkling on the creek. A few days ago I saw a paper weight on someone's desk that stated, "What would you do if you knew you wouldn't fail?" I have this same paper weight somewhere. Packed away in storage, settled, nestled at the bottom of one of many of the plastic boxes a year now forgotten since here on the shore. I remember packing it away amongst other items I somehow deemed not necessary for the next chapter in my life. When I saw this paper weight on someone elses desk I did not think of any answers and that got me to thinking. And since that interaction with myself and a saying I have still not come up with any answers. Then this morning as I came to the end of my second cup of coffee and finished another chapter in one of the three books I am currently reading - I like to read in groups. I feel it adds to each one. A certian sort of new element to each is added individually because of the group - a thought entered into my head. Not what would I do if I knew I wouldn't fail but what would I do if it was just me and not anyone else, anything else around me. No insatiable desire to know what Paris Hilton had for breakfast, no Entertainment Tonight television shows, people in rehab and I DON't know about it, just my friends, family, beer, paper, pen, books, water, boats, fish and time. What would I do? Now there is a statement for a paper weight, a question worth pondering and finding the, all the answers to.

Um, what?, ah, mmmmkay...well, ok...

Another piece of evidence that we are screwed! i mean really? [Face red, steam out of ears]

GOOGLE FUNDS $30 MILLION MOON PRIZE
Google is bankrolling a $30 million race for privately funded moon rovers - an endeavor that takes the X Prize to new heights.
The Google Lunar X Prize, announced today by the search-engine giant and the X Prize Foundation at the Wired NextFest in Los Angeles, ranks among the richest contests ever offered for technological innovation. It follows up on the $10 million Ansari X Prize for manned spaceflight, which was won nearly three years ago by the SpaceShipOne rocket plane.

Please, oh please

everyone and anyone (for i do not discriminate) STOP saying the following phrase:

"well he/she/they just threw me under the bus!"

OR

"you just threw me under the bus"

OR

"oh no you didn't throw me under the bus"

Please also stop uttering any and all other combinations of this phrase! If i hear it one more time do you know what i will do? Yup. Mmmmkay you got it but don't say it...outloud...please!

I have to say

that there are, for me at least, very few things better than how I spent my evening last night. On a boat, out on the water (key really), clear glassy water, warm yet slightly chilly breezes (a true and moving indication of fall to come), outstanding sunset, a cute boy, cold brews and caught fish. There are some things I am sure that are indeed better (I shall pause here for you to conjure those up - it is a personal thing I think), but for now and I do have to say really at any time you ask me, last night was it and it really was better than most! Last night on the water was grand. Simply grand. For no cost to me, very little travel and to no harm to anyone or the world I was able to have an experience, a night out. Within minutes out on that water, in that boat, with those fish it was so clear as to why I do live here, struggle here, and keep on going generally in life. So, thanks Bay, thanks Warrior and thanks fish for sacrificing your life for bettering mine. Grateful am I.

I could not resist posting this!

This morning I am feeling a wee bit tired and sluggish. So instead of JUST having coffee to help me I read quotes from the movie, the best movie ever by the by - Raising Arizona and I feel fantastic! I could not resist sharing one of my favorites...enjoy! Afterall this is when Nick Cage WAS acting...I said it. You all were thinking it.

H.I. (Cage): "If it's all the same to you, Honey, I think I'll skip this little get together, slip out with the boys and knock back a couple of Coca Colas."

[Ed (Holly Hunter) gives him a look of disapproval]

H.I.: "I guess that wouldn't be such a good idea."

Gale (John Goodman): "So many social engagements, so little time."

I will post this many more times but here it is now...

Eastern Shore’s Own (ESO) Arts Center
P. O. Box 147, Belle Haven, VA 23306
**P R E S S R E L E A S E**

7TH ANNUAL ESO
SHORE MADE MUSIC FESTIVAL
SEPTEMBER 29, 2007

On Saturday, September 29th the ESO 7TH ANNUAL SHORE MADE MUSIC FESTIVAL will again bring together families, friends and neighbors on their BIG LAWN in Belle Haven, Virginia for a music festival that has truly become a wonderful showcase for the musical and artistic denizens of Virginia’s Eastern Shore. Admission for the entire day is only $5/person. Bring a lawn chair or blanket and enjoy! No coolers please. The gate opens at 10:30 a.m. with hours of Acoustic, Folk, Bluegrass, Alternative, Rock and Blues beginning at 11 a.m. until 10:00 p.m.

There will be a Creative Play Area for children, Arts & Crafts booths and a variety of Food Vendors. Beer and wine available for purchase. Free booths for vendors.

The Red Cross Blood Mobile will be there in memory of jazz drummer/humanist/student of life Dave O’Dell.

Proceeds for the day benefit the non-profit Eastern Shore’s Own (ESO) Arts Center which supports and promotes musicians and artists of all types on the Eastern Shore of Virginia. For more information or to reserve a vendor booth call (757) 442-3226

PERFORMANCE SCHEDULE

11:00 – 11:20 DALE RICHARDSON (ACOUSTIC INDY)
11:25 – 11:45 JESSICA WEST (ACOUSTIC ALTERNATIVE)
11:50 - 12:10 RICHARD ROSE (ACOUSTIC COVERS)
12:15 - 12:45 BLESSING IN DISGUISE (CHRISTIAN ROCK)
12:50 - 1:10 WAYNE P. CREED (URBAN FOLK)
1:15 - 1:45 FISH MARKET (BLUES & ROCK)
1:50 - 2:10 JASON JUMP (ROCK)
2:15 - 2:45 PUPIL OF I (CLASSIC ROCK)
2:50 - 3:10 SCOTT & MELINDA (BLUES)
3:15 - 3:45 TURKEY PEN PICKERS (BLUEGRASS)
3:50 - 4:10 LISA STEPHENS (CONTEMPORARY FOLK)
4:15 - 4:45 MICHAEL TODD (CLASSIC ROCK)
4:50 - 5:10 THE MYRTLES (URBAN FOLK)
5:15 - 5:45 THELMA & ERICA (ACOUSTIC ORIG/SOFT ROCK)
5:50 - 6:30 7TH SENSE (ORIGINAL ROCK/BLUES)
6:40 - 7:20 OLD BOOLE LEIGH (JAZZY BLUES)
7:30 - 8:10 MYNE DZAI (ACOUSTIC ROCK/ROCKABILLY)
8:20 - 9:00 QUADPOD (RAGGAE/BLUES/ROCK)

Fall is coming!

I am conflicted on this fact. I had a fantastic although at times difficult but always interesting summer here on the shore. I love September, October and November here so I am thrilled it is coming! I have to each day remind myself to enjoy now. The weather now, my life now, my body now, my friends now, just plain ole everything now, today! Like this picture of my friend Erika and I on the beach just a month or so ago - No fireworks. No big crazy party. Just me, her, her dog, cold brews, sand, salt water, cool breezes, and no plans. Now that was a good now! Oh and of course my backpack!

Now i am smilin!

I just found out my little brother is coming home in under 2 weeks...look out Shore! So happy he is on his way back...

Four Seasons all in one day.

Tuesday, September 11th, 2007

I am here on the eastern shore of Virginia, not in NYC.

Second year away from the city, one of the cities least we forget, where that day happened. It is odd to not be there on this day. Not bad, not good, only just not there delivered in the form of numbness. My most vivid memory of that day is truly the walking home. So many people and more doubts. I signed up right way, on the way home, to give blood - and I hate (more than most, really!) to give blood. I am the true human turnup! It is hard to write about that day and it is even more difficult not to write about it. Tons of words come to my mind and yet from the head to the hand to the paper...nothing. Rather nothing of any worth or beauty. Most of the people I spent that day with, thought of on that day are no longer in NYC either. For some reason that is what brings the salty solution to my eyes today. Again no explanation only just there. I am distant now from the town, that booming city where once I was so close, inside it, a part of a bigger animal. Afterwards people called me - many actually which was nice and sort of not - and all said consistently the same sort of thing to me..."wow I cannot even imagine how it felt to be there, in it, and I am so glad I was not there, so scary" Really? Scary? Sure. Wish I was not there? Absolutely NOT and without hesitation that is my answer. I got nothing for you in the arena of why only that that is my first initial reaction, answer. Not glad, but clear. I am calm, sad, resolved, thankful today. Four seasons all in one day. Appropriate I suppose as we head now into fall.

Porn stars were born last Saturday night!

Psst...you know who you are! What time are we due on set? The jeep scene is going to be fantastic and movie magic in the making I am just sure of it.

Last night

I dreamt of an old friend last night. She is young, our friendship is old, well from the past, a while back. Almost as if from an entirely different lifetime, world. That is the old part. It was an odd, weird sort of out of nowhere dream. I am not going to go into the details only because I find that when someone says, "oh man this dream I had last night was so weird" more times than not the dreams are not so much weird as they are boring! Incidently I don't mind when people call me "man" for I am secure in my feminity. So secure that I had to stop this dream story to point it out. Ahem, anyway, where was I? Ah, yes...
I have not heard from this friend in some time now. Nor has she heard from me in the same amount of time. I do think of her often and wonder what she is up to. Why she popped into my head last night in this dream I am not quite sure about but there she was. And now even as I am writing about her I cannot fully recall the specifics of the dream. Only that she was a main character and I was there as well...in the non dream world we simply lost touch. Stopped talking, sending letters and all communication just dropped one day. If my memory serves me correctly (I would prefer a man to serve me but hey it is all I got for now) I wrote to her last, called her last all to no response from her end. There was no big blow out, no misunderstanding. Just silence. This dream about her got me to thinking about friends, friendships, relationships of the past. Why some are still with me and why some are not. A sense of sadness covered me at first. A feeling that was so powerful it actually hurt in my heart. Then once it passed...it could have been from the pulled pork sandwich and crispy french fries I had just devoured for lunch but for story purposes I shall stick with that it was a sadness from a full realizaton of a loss. After the feeling of sadness passed and my heart was back to a normal steady beat, I felt calmed. I started thinking of all the times we spent together as friends this old friend of mine - laughing A LOT, drinking A LOT, dreaming about our futures A LOT, talking and telling secrets A LOT, making fun of people's fashion choices A LOT, crying A LOT, eating yummy food A LOT...living A LOT and getting through A LOT together. I felt myself smile A LOT as I ran through all the images of her and I in that time, that old time ago. I realized that she was my friend of that time and that what we went through and the friendship we had was for that time, what we both needed at that time. And now this time, this new time in my life I was fine without her. And for her as well fine without me. We met at that time for that time. Simple? Yes. Boring? Perhaps. A dream? Definitely.
P.S. Sorry for all the TIMEs.

ok not to be negative but ah

ok i will give them this;
laying up to 500 eggs at one time (ouch) and that their entire life cycle takes just about a week is very interesting but what i don't know is why do they exist? Sure their life cycle is short but they seem to have a lot of friends. Sure they don't really bother me, directly, and I do love all nature but still WHY? Anyone? Bueller?

http://www.ca.uky.edu/entomology/entfacts/ef621.asp

I know...

exactly how you feel Mr. Tree.

What I would like to see

I am so tired of seeing these cute saying t-shirts that do not even make any sense...like "I love mommy!" I mean come on. As if that little 5 year old actually picked that out herself. Or "Give Peace a chance" Bah!

They are not bad necessarily but are they helpful? Contribute anything, really? If I made t-shirts (I have made one) I would make the sayings say something! like...

1. "You deplete me" (This one I did make - it is a lovely forest green with light green letters)

2. "Yes they are real. I was born with this perfect A cup"

3. "How come you are so pretty on the outside and so ugly on the inside?"

4. "No it is fine, truly it is, I just thought it would be bigger!"

5. "So there you have it. You do the math. Even though there are no numbers!"

My jackie Os and my elvis purse

Today is Wednesday. I fell asleep last night at around 9pm. A deep sleep until I awoke this morning around 5:30am, just before my alarm. It IS the small victories I am finding. It felt liberating to beat something, to win. I've been feeling lately that I am not winning, no scarf of flowers around my neck, no stance in the winner's circle have I been taking part in. I am aware that this feeling is not based in reality, not constructive. That is the logical side of me. Yet the other side, the wacko, the odd or weird side as some of been known to tell me I have, is not all that sure. That side of me does not always welcome facts. Things that are based in truth. For is it not safer, more dramatic to endulge in drama? How I feel and not so much what is actually happening? Yes Yes I say! And then I check in with my logical, constructive side and after a swift hard slap on the face from that side I am back to reality.
The air outside at 6:30am smelled so sweet and calmed me. The light had just come up over the creek and the water was sparkling. It felt as if all the crap that yesterday felt like well ah crap did not so much anymore. I felt refreshed. Clean, empty in a positive way. Waiting to be filled up. I did not run. Not quite ready for that - tomorrow perhaps. But I did think a lot about running and that felt groovy. Coffee in hand, flip flops on feet, Elvis purse in hand and Jackie O sunglasses on face and all was truly right with my little world on the shore. Driving to work I heard an old song and without even knowing it, planning it, I smiled. Everything seemed so simple, so brilliant and honest...just like the steady morning sun beam that was jetting across my front windshield; I too was simply just there, breathing and content. To feel so alive and so comfortable is rare and for that I am exceptionally grateful.

Delicious smelling lotions & 2 for 3 bucks meals

Sometimes it is all you need. Today for me it was. It is really the simple things in life - if you let it be. Just like life can be like a movie; you just have to commit to the script.

This young chick puts me to shame...

and i love her for it.

check out her site - http://laurenstonestreet.com/

I just had to share!

and i love her pics as well.

this one especially.

Ah crap!

Read this news tidbit just this morning and thought I would share;

Consumers, not just factory workers, may be in danger from fumes from buttery flavoring in microwave popcorn, according to a warning letter to federal regulators from a doctor at a leading lung research hospital.

A pulmonary specialist at Denver's National Jewish Medical and Research Center has written to federal agencies to say doctors there believe they have the first case of a consumer who developed lung disease from the fumes of microwaving popcorn several times a day for years.

Really? ah man we are truly screwed now!

Like the sign says that I pass each morning on my way to work, "live today as if you will be standing before HIM tomorrow" Apparently the HIM is NOT the lord but Orville Redenbacher!

It happened over night...sort of

I went to bed last night without it.

A vow I took to get it.

Exhausted from running toward it but never capturing.

Conviction that this time finally I would own it.

I woke this morning and there it was.

A sense so strong of possession in my heart.

Make statements, no more questions I said aloud.

Own my life, reach for clarity the goal of choice.

I choose, have choosen and so now I am there.

I am thankful, appreciate the experiences as of late.

For without them I could not be so far along to completion.

A solid minute of silence devoted to this commitment.
At last you are mine, all mine - certainty.

No need to change the bath towels Heath!

It seems official now - Heath and Michelle are indeed splitting up. Well they gave a good go of it; three years. Tough. That Hollywood is a mean and ruff place it seems. But never fear my dear Heath I am on the way to Venice even as my three loyal yet misguided blog readers are now reading. I was able to catch a flight that leaves this evening. My shoulder will be available for tear catching by tomorrow afternoon. Then after tears I recommend some cold brews, a few lemon drop shots and all will be fine. No need to change any initialed towels or silver platters. I too spell my name with two Ls so all is good to go. Then we jet back to the eastern shore of Virginia (where as you all know is now not only for lovers but we live passionately!) I am sure Heath will have no problem on the eastern shore. People here are very welcoming. Especially for celebrity types. I should know. When I came here I was very well received by the shore public. They made me feel right at home. I can see it now. Sitting out on the screened in porch, sipping on gin and tonics, eating clams and laughing it up with Mr. Ledger. I hope my parents won't mind. I am sure they will be fine. Afterall, what is one more mouth to feed?

I did it!

Finished the 1/2 marathon in 1 hour, 11 minutes and 20 seconds. Pretty impressive considering I was not sure if I would even finish it. Wow. Oh wait...sorry that is not me.

There I am, to the right, with the white shirt on.

When I play the jerk card I really play it!

I pulled a doozy this last week. I let you down. I did not call and I am not even remotely clear as to why I did not. Except that when I do start to dive into it I find some clues...not logic mind you, just clues. For now that will have to be good enough...
I totally reverted back and reacted as if to past events, occurrences.
No excuses just what happened. I was not scared I was gun shy. Someone once asked me what gun shy means. My response? Really? I need to break that one down for you? Ok here is my gun..bang bang! Ok back to this -
I think being in relationships teaches you how to be in relationships. As you are in them, doing them, flying out there in the wind, you are learning how to be in a relationship.
It is the ultimate on the job training. The top notch pinnacle intern position.
You are not paid, you are in sort of a somewhat probationary time period in the beginning and then in and out of it, and you never really know if you are going to get fired or get promoted on a regular basis.
You just know that you either like this one job or you do not, the tasks that you do each day, the people you work with or come into contact with and you simply then decide whether or not to go into that office each day and do that job...or not. Knowing that the or not will then lead you to the classifieds searching for another job. Ofcourse all the while being unemployed. Which is nice sometimes and needed.
At the end of each day you assess your day, did it work, did it not and weigh it out. If the % of stuff that worked is greater than the stuff that did not work you go home, have dinner, drink a cold brew or wine or both, watch some television, perhaps read a chapter in a book, go to bed and resolve that when you wake up the next day you will indeed get up and do it all over again.
You hope that the coworker you work with does the same, especially when thinking of you, and you go from there. Another day another experience and ideally all filled with a sense of humor.
Humor is a good thing, perhaps the best thing.
At first this experience was viewed by me as a bad thing, once again something I screwed up. Then as I investigated it, of course! I realized that it can be a good thing. We yelled, said curt and a few painful things to each other, said some nice things too, said some things i did not know, laughed (how about that? that is good), and ended the call with a promise to talk again. Most importantly we continued on with the job. I slept on it. I assessed it. When I woke the next morning I weighed it. I realized I had been a jerk and needed to tell my coworker this information. Because I was a jerk. I played my jerk card and I played it big. You called my bluff. I then went further and came to the conclusion that the % of the stuff that worked was still higher than the % of stuff that did not. I got up. Brushed my teeth, washed my face, drank my coffee and hoped for the best, for it to work out as relationships, jobs, parties tend to do when effort and time are poured into them. In other words to keep the anology going; I went back into the office.

"Excuse me, hey watch out, ok hi..."

1. ouch, oh that is your foot? Sorry.
2. Hi, nice butt.
3. Wait ah can we have dinner before we get so close?
4. So you come here often?
5. Nice weather yes? A little hot if you ask me.
6. You ever feel like a lot of people are following you?
7. Man I hope not all of these people are going to Starbucks
8. Hi yes do you know where I could get some Gu?
9. Wait 13.1 miles? I thought they said 13.1 feet, ah crap
10. Hey what is this place? I don't see any wings or white clouds...ut oh!

Top ten statements I will be uttering in less than 24 hours at the Rock N Roll 1/2 marathon in Virginia Beach.
Happy running, breathing and not having heart ache sunday TO ME!

Fill in the blank

If you can fill in the blank of what each of these dudes is known to say you win...[click on the cartoon to find out if you are correct or not]

A real fantasy

So I went to a Fantasy Football League draft last night - thank goodness at a bar. It was entertaining. Either that or I had more than 4 beers and just do not recall, lost count (which I often do and think is totally and clearly healthy to do so). It took about 3 hours. There were about 20 people there taking part in the event. 50 bucks, a pen, an ass (literally not figuratively - there is a lot of sitting) and the ability to talk smack with a grin on your face is all that is required to be in the league. No athletic ability, no physical attributes but the power to drink beer and breath all at once - the really good ones make it look as if they are breathin out of their mouth while ingesting the cold brew and not the nose. Hence why I deduce the word, "fantasy" is placed before the word Football. What I loved about this event was not that it was happening in this one bar in this little quaint town on the east coast but that more than likely this same event was happening all over the great U S of A on this same night, had taken place the night before or was to occur in the near future! Brilliant. Well maybe not in NYC...or if so martinis are being consumed instead of budlight. As the night wrapped up and they were down to the players affectionately referred to as, "the who gives a shit about" players, it dawned on me what was really happening. A bunch of men, two women ok three including me, were meeting at a bar, joking, laughing, partaking in libations and generally having a good time that was relatively inexpensive, loosely organized and just basic. In these times of a flailing stock market, war still raging in more than one, two, three countries, mad crazy old ladies leaving 12 million to a dog, our best represenation of youth being Miss Teen USA, mortgages made of smoke and senators that state clothes and not themselves are in their closet, I just find it nice, comforting even that through all of that swirlin around us people can still have, believe in and pursue a fantasy. Hooray!

today at 2pm

"scooch down a little bit closer, keep coming, ok no a still a little bit more...that is it you are almost there. Oh wait you are now too far...back it up [sound in head of "doot doot" - the doot doot as in the sound that comes from the trash truck as it is backing up]. Alright there we go. Yes indeed you are in the correct position, perfect. How do I know this? Because if you turn to the left or the right your head is now aligned with your feet! Ok hold your breath and away we go!"

- I went to the doctor today...have a super duper eve all!

how about this picture choice for this entry, yes yes! Try and make sense out of this one. I hare dare ya!

Hometown Humor for Kids Classes about to start!

Are you…
- An under appreciated genius?
- 8 to 12 years old?
- Tired of being “shushed” when you are funny or silly?
- Ready to “go public” with your stuff?
- Are you ready to tap into that “angst” from the back of the classroom?
- Do you live on the Eastern Shore of Virginia?

Then Hometown Humor for Kids is the class for you!
In a six week class taught by Michelle Maclay 8 to 12 year olds will create their own stand-up set, learn and play improv games. At the end of the six week session each participant will perform their individual set and be part of an improv group in a class show for friends, parents and general audience.

During the six week session we will focus on having fun! The class and show will boost self esteem, build character, and confidence by being in front of peers in a controlled environment. Ms. Maclay will provide a safe, laid back and fun environment in which young talent can express their singular views of the world through their madcap imaginations.

This class is both for kids who have aspirations towards some end of show biz as well as kids who will take the humor experience with them as they move on to become doctors, lawyers and Indian chiefs.

Well what has Ms. Maclay done to enable her to teach such a class?

She is a Comedian, Actor, Producer, Blog Writer
Recently transplanted to the Shore from New York City, Ms. Maclay brings to the classroom an impressive performance history in stand-up comedy and the theatre arts. A self-motivated comedian with excellent organization and communication skills, she brings over three years of stand-up comedy experience in the New York City comedy club scene. As well, Ms. Maclay created and produced a successful long running comedy show called The Comedy Social in New York City so she is well aware of what it takes to run a show, a class and handle any “angst” that is thrown her way!
Ms. Maclay’s easy going presence, professionalism, accessibility, wit and gentle humor make her a natural fit with teaching kids comedy, humor, improv and just plain old having fun!

Check it out at ESO in Belle Haven, http://www.esva.net/~eso/, or The Arts Enter in Cape Charles, http://www.artsentercapecharles.org/, both located on the Eastern Shore of Virginia.

Ah the DAY JOB!

to those of you that are still there I salute you.

to those that have moved on from this place, I applaud you and am jealous of you!

to those that have no idea of what I speak of, I am envious of you.

for me, at my current day job as wonderful as the people are, the atmosphere positive...still when on the phone with some of the subcontractors I work with the above picture is how I feel...

in other words, "you wouldn't like me when I am angry...very angry!"

Wasting Time

This statement seems dumb to me. Wasting time. How does one do that and why do people often say that when they find themselves in a situation they did not expect or want to be in? "Man that was such a waste of time!" I hear it often. I do not think you can actually waste time. Time goes by and that is it. You go with the time. While you are in it most often you don't feel like it is wasted or otherwise you would stop what you were doing right then and there correct? You spend time with people, you spend time on things, going places and experiencing all that is happening. Time goes by and that is it. Sandra Bullock said in a film once in response to a counselor telling her to "take it one day at a time"...SB: "What is it with you people and this one day at a time thing? As if I have any choice to take two three days at a time!" Precisely.
Today I am here taking it one day at a time, passing time...not wasting it. Because I know that during today, as this time takes place today I will without a doubt learn something, experience an occurance or interact with a person that will somehow bring me closer to completion of me. So after this short amount of time in writing this entry and you reading it I now proclaim; if getting to completion, getting closer to being the person I want and need to be means wasting time then ok indeed I say, "Man, that was such a waste of time!" I'm just saying...

what gives ME the right?

I ran a 5k race this last Saturday. It was bloody hot! It was in Virginia Beach...I did decent time. So therefore I then proceeded to consume a large amount of "cold brews" throughout the day and well into the evening...technically then Sunday. As you can imagine then SunDAY was a waste. It is as if the day did not even happen. I slept for most of it. Took a shower around 2pm and drove about 4 miles to have dinner with some friends. All of which completely exhausted me. After which I then got back in bed...watched a FILM and moved onto more sleep at about 8:30pm. What gives me the right to do such a thing to myself? Because I ran a lousy 3.1 miles? Unacceptable and yet I did it. Why is a question in this area I fear I shall never be able to supply an answer to. Alas, I then ponder do I need to? Does it really matter? I mean one could deduce that if one ran said miles - got up at 5am (half past way fuckin too early to be up a Saturday kind of time), sucked on some Gu (don't ask if you don't know!), ran and sweated for 30 minutes (be careful here people if you have any comments on my time...and you are sitting where right now drinking A what? ahem!), does that not make it OK to then inhale beers? Or at least even it out a bit? I am not sure and really I have moved on...

i am shocked!

are you kidding me?
if only Cape Charles was a wee bit bigger?

http://promo.realestate.yahoo.com/best_cities_for_singles.html

10 things that truly annoy me - today.

Not sure why today I have to write this list but it is bubbling up and I got to spit!

Ten things that annoy me...right now, today, this minute

1. A Harley Davidson sticker on a brand new Jeep

2. I start my day off so productive, so hopeful and then I am watching a movie at 2pm

3. roadside signs that say, "Act today as if you will stand before HIM tomorrow"

4. Crying for no reason

5. Still after 20 minutes I am not able to disconnect from my iPod after down loading songs

6. Missing you

7. Being super talented but unfocused

8. bumping into the same corner in the kitchen EVERYDAY

9. knowing I SHOULD run and not WANTING to...at all!

10. Using the word should - it just sets ya up to fail and yet I feel I should...damn it!

I wish

I wish today for no reason in which I can attempt to pinpoint that I was her.

I've never wished to be someone else... not even in high school.
Ok to be fair there was that three day stint in 10th grade where I wished Freaky Friday upon Jolie Julian and I -

I do not know her, this woman you speak of, I have never even seen her, nor can I start to imagine her smell, the feel of her skin, the color of her eyes.

Yet, when I think of her, imagine her standing there and breathing, holding a little hand I barely know of,

I wish to melt down to a puddle, flow gently down hill till I reach her toes and soak into her, fill her up and be her. She has something, a possession I shall never have no matter how tight, how close, how far we travel as one that I will never fully own.

Salt water drips from my tired eyes and an opening begins deep down in the side of my heart. I can feel it, taste it in my throat and I know to the core of my being I will have to accept it.

Maybe I do not wish to be her truly and wholly...only wish I had arrived there first, taken a different train, stopped or lingered a minute longer that one day long ago and then it would be me, not her that filled the shoes you hold onto, the memories bitter sweet on your tongue.

I wish I wish I wish.

Oh, ok

Only just now looking back on that road it all seems to make sense.

In the heat of the moment, in the middle of that time it was all so chaotic, so intense and in my face.

Yet here up on top of this still calm mountain it causes me to not blink when thinking of such current simplicity.

I was in that place a location with no name, no calendar to mark the time as it passed, drifted on top of cool deep water.

And at present I sense and feel even a head turning toward the clear shadows and I realize it is me seeking an answer.

My self possession only at this time in this place asking to be recognized, demanding it, atlast.

A request made to be taught a skill that will win the prize, bestow the first place ribbon upon my chest.

And then at last all at once in a flash you are here next to me, not touching me.

You also looking out into that time, that past place and you stand motionless so to not initiate disturbance.

So we are together yet all the same we are just alone, separate and touching only when bumping into one another.

It is an answer.

Sometimes I wish the answer, the decision to be made was as simple as, "Another Corona for you, then?"

Virginia has it going on

I am approaching my first year living in the state of Virginia. Even though I have yet to get my state driver's license I still think that when asked, "where are you from?", I can safely say, "Virginia" Mostly due to the fact that I am not really sure where I am from and it seems to be the best answer...for now. I am a Virginian. It is the state in which I reside TODAY both in the physical and mental state - that will suffice since really do we know what will or could happen tomorrow? People tell me all the time when I am down or not feeling too super duper about things I should, "live today as if it is your last day on earth, as if you might die tomorrow!" Ok but I don't know if I am going to die tomorrow or keep on going, really. If I live today as if I will not be here tomorrow then I won't have any money to pay my bills when visa calls me on Monday...for I have a feeling those people will always be here.

"live passionately" is the new slogan for the state of Virginia. Not replacing the very popular "Virginia is for Lovers" slogan so no one run screaming from the room for fear of your life being turned upside down! The two statements are meant to go hand in hand. We are lovers and therefore we live passionately. Makes sense. And look the girl is making a sweet little heart with her hands while she one footedly (let it go) makes wine. She looks happy, surely she has loved and we all know that if you are willing to stomp grapes into wine one must be passionate.

I moved here from New York City. Each time I tell someone that fact I get one of two responses - every time! - "Oh, my well this is surely different yes?" or "well you are not going to meet a man here I can tell you that right now!" To the first I simply reply, "Exactly. That is the reason I moved here" and to the second I utter in robot style due to repitition, "well that is ok because believe or not I did not move here to meet one." Now don't get me wrong I have met quite a few men; young, old, cute, not so cute, friendly, funny, odd, boring and all very nice. It does seem interesting that for a state that is claiming it is still for lovers as well as now lives passionately that most people think it is not a place to meet men. Maybe it is as the picture of the girl suggests instead - it is a place to stomp grapes with one foot, make a heart with your hands, smile goofy like and pray for someone to come by and take a picture of you. Nothing more, nothing less. Simple. And it could be as I have come to understand it so far in my almost year here; it is a place to be passionate about investing in and loving oneself. Virginia IS for Lovers and we DO live passionately. That is the critieria for determining where you are from. You live by the slogan of the state. I don't need no stinkin' driver's license. I am a Virginian indeed.

atleast they found the hiker!

headlines for today...what the hell is going on?
how about putting the hiker news first? They snuck that good shit in did they not?
Just when you are about to slit your wrists...

Blogger arrested near UCLA child care center
Eye doc accused of killing prostitute
O.J. Simpson's 'If I Did It' to be published
Actress carried forged kudos
Abducted Iowa kids found in Maine
Second shark attack off Cape Cod
PETA rally burns fur, leather clothes
Brownback visits New Hampshire
Video caught caregiver abusing man
Employee fired after being robbed
Rabid cat attacks, bites family
Boy, 4, found wandering along road
Vicious attack leaves clerk brutalized
8-year-old fights off kidnapper
Man accused of kidnapping nun
Police find puppy with severed leg
Baby gets 23 broken ribs in abuse
Flossie's wind, waves hit Big Island
Text messaging blamed in fatal wreck
Missing hiker found safe

Top U.S. Stories
Ex-NBA ref in betting scandal surrenders
Sources: Vick's lawyers divided
Millions of toys recalled
Newark suspects slipped through cracks
Astronaut teacher wows students from space
Ex-speaker Hastert retiring, GOP officials say
Wife who killed preacher freed

have you ever?

had to sneeze when you had something in your mouth? wait...have you ever had to sneeze just as you take in a large gulp of...[wait for it]...hot, creamy...[jeez this is bad]...COFFEE?

It just happened to me. Hilarious. Either that or it is Wednesday.

Whew!

http://www.kirotv.com/news/13880464/detail.html

I mean really! This woman is a wee bit scarey and just plain ole not patient!

I gave to the local Boy Scouts of America last year as a dontation through the United Way because it seemed like a good cause. Their mission is, "growing young boys into good men"- well actually it is,
"The Boy Scouts of America will prepare every eligible youth in America to become a responsible, participating citizen and leader who is guided by the Scout Oath and Law."
I just translated it into layman's terms - the "non professional" boy scout that is!

I gave to this organization because hey, it seemed like a good one and...I can wait!

Dis - connect

Slice through the air and sever it.

Cut cleanly and watch both sides drop.

Pierce the skin to release a pressure.

Hear it hiss; the emotion.

Relief as it oozes out of you, dripping onto the floor.

Silence is a signal of completion.

Let it go, slide on down the hill, into the distance.

Turn away, run, leap, stomp the ground.

Rip off the bandage quickly with precision.

It sinks down through throat past your liver

and out your toes...feeding the summer weeds.

Gives them all they need to continue to choke.

No matter for now not yours. Disconnect.

No feeling. No more thoughts.

Only lapping waves now drifting over a shell.

One following the others, being followed from behind.

Split into a new atom. A fresh slate in which to try.

No more images arise in mind, crush the heart and spill the salt water.

And then simply, utterly, joyfully...nothing.

Saturday, August 11th, 2007

Does anyone really know what time it is?

This was my inquiry one recent blurry, overcast and breezy Saturday late morning...

I woke up on Saturday morning, the second time, and did not know what time it was, actually - The clock in my bedroom stated 11am, the clock on the stove in the kitchen (naturally. I mean who has a stove anywhere else but the kitchen...outside of NYC that is?) told me 11:01am (by the time I stumbled from the bedroom to the kitchen time elasped - whew!), the clock on the wall in the kitchen made it clear it was 11:01am (I just had to turn my head to the left on this one so no time, well time recorded in minutes, had passed). But the radio station stated it was 12noon. How could this be? What was happening? Worlds colliding. Sky a falling. Where is my little friend Chicken Little when I need him, her? A time change taken place that was not told to me? No that does not happen until October...ah shit is it October already? Checked calendar. Nope. Good wall calendar. Never have to worry about upgrades or glitches in you.

Checked my cell phone - 11:04am (again the whole time continuum thing). The radio station still spouting out the time of 12:04pm...programming and everything. The radio could not be wrong. But alas what was I to do? I cannot call anyone for obvious reasons. In case not obvious afterall..."Ah hi there. What time is it? I mean I am not crazy, but..."

Then the radio went dead. Dead air. Nothing. Ah ha! Then it came back on with the 11am program (the entire reason why I bothered to get back up at 11am in the first place, for the second time)! Situation resolved. World safe again. All good. Well all but for the "I am not crazy!" girl issue.

I'm just saying...

It sure does.

How come people (and I am sure I've been in this crowd at one time or another in the past) that have what you don't or are not in your situation think it is comforting to say things such as; "well it will all work out" or "it just didn't work out this time" or "well things happen for a reason" - this one is by far the worst! - does not EVERYTHING happen for some sort of a reason just by the shear fact that something happened? And why do people say this catch phrase only when something bad or sad happens or is happening?

Mary: Guess what Jane? I just won 50 bucks!

Jane: Well, you know Mary these things do seem to happen for a reason. I am sure it will all work out. Oh and sorry it did not work out this time. [Blank stare by both Mary and Jane - screen fades to black]

I also love it when people cannot or are not able to be upfront and say what is really going on. They think an acceptable answer is, "I don't know" or "Well what do you want me to do?" Or just to let time go by and act as if that large hairy mammoth is not perched on that little chair in the corner of the room. How about figuring it out (not a question, a statement this time!). I mean is that more painful than the smell of stagnet water? Apparently so. And if someone says, "I am up front and will tell you. That is how I roll" that is actually a red flag, a signal that perhaps that is not true. Along the lines of the following statements;

1. "I am not crazy!"

2. "With all due respect..."

3. "To tell you the truth..."

4. "To be honest with you..."

If you have to say it then...

It would be nice if for once someone (besides myself and Valerie Plame's husband) would step up, figure out what is going on, and then deal with it. "Oh, but it is too hard or I don't wanna" or "someone might not like me" (wait what is that? oh a whine!). Well that is the point KIDS! If it smells, tastes, feels and looks hard or you don't wanna, guess what? That is exactly what you should do and the RIGHT choice to execute.

If it smells like BS chances are it is. I read a bumper sticker once that said, "life is too short to eat dessert last" Oh really? Well life is too short to smell bullshit...and not extinquish it or get the hell out of the room. I'm just saying...

Change or not change?

A question I am battling in my head lately. Seasons change. Minds do change... on topics...rarely but it does happen. Flowers change; they sprout, bloom, wither, die (gulp). Bananas change. [I will wait]. Ok, back? Do feelings change? I know they do shift, settle, evolve. Do feelings that were once so powerful and real simply fade like smoke? Or is it that they just die like the flower? Which is it? It can all happen so fast. The flower I mean (gulp). I know what will never change is the asking of Why? And that there will never, maybe once but more than likely not ever, be any answers. Just one of those mysteries wrapped in luck and timing. That there is no answer "appears" to be the only answer to why there is no answer! That there is no answer makes sense as to why one day words are uttered, given as a gift of vulnerability and then the next taken back or denied of ever any existence. And a secondary question, a follow up; does it even matter why? I mean if the power at your house goes out one night does it actually matter if it was due to a rain storm or an ice storm? The end result is that you are sitting in the dark...and do not know what time it is!

Hair color changes. Chameleons change color. People change their underwear on a regular basis...most people, most of us. Or some of us do not wear any...ahem, but I am wandering...Those changes all make sense to me. An action precedes that change. Feelings are on their own. Lingering out in that vast land called someone's heart and soul. One day it is this way and boom 24 hours later it is that way. If only I could change how I feel about this topic. Hey, wait a minute...

I saw today on the way to work...

There is this roadsign that I pass everyday on my way to work. I've passed this sign for just about a year now. I read it every time I zoom by it at about 67 miles an hour. Today was the first day that I really read it, said it over in my brain and then processed it. The sign is one of those kiosky boards that is on wheels and you can change the letters at will. The sort of sign that you usually see outside roadside diners, honky tonk bars, and rural churches. This one happens to be sitting on the side of the road and the only building anywhere near it or could be considered the sign's owner is a trailer park. The sign reads; "Stand before him today as if it was the last day of your life" Him I have to assume is God since it is a captial H. That is how it works...I think. I am not sure since I don't have any formal religious education. Will have to go on assumption for this one.

Once again, the small town rules!

I am running in the rock n roll 1/2 marathon in Virginia Beach on September 2nd...along with a whole gaggle of fine and fun ladies and a few gentlemen here from the Eastern Shore of Virginia. Shout out to you all! Wow been a long time since I've said that, maybe a good reason why...but I digress!
As you can imagine some sort of training, ahem, is now taking place to prepare for this event. I am running on a somewhat sparadic schedule - that is code for running 2 to 3 miles 2 to 3 times a week - and I have to say when I use the word run I truly mean more of the word struggle. So I am struggling for 2 to 3 miles 2 to 3 times a week. It is hot up in here people! I am not being self depricating - I am being factual. I mean when you are running in a field and you notice that two turkey buzzards are actually following you it is bad. I mean birds of prey flying just behind you, stopping on top of a barn as if looking at something else, not moving their lips (??) so you cannot see but talking just the same, then non chalantly taking off and circling over you...that is a struggle my friends.
Then once a week attempting to run a long run, say 7 to 8 miles (they say you need to be up to 10 miles before the actual "race" - who the hell is this They?).
So such an attempt was made today by myself and three other fine souls. I unfortunately got heat exhaustion or well just my body did not want to do it! At about 5 miles I threw up...nice.
In the front yard of someone who happen to be sitting out on their porch for their morning coffee and paper updates. Here is the conversation that followed;
Throw up, sort of. Spit. Raise head.
See nice handsome older couple sitting on porch, looking at me.
Me: well hello there. how are you?
Lady: Well we are well. And you my dear?
Me: oh you know...[turn head toward street looking for an ambulance maybe? Not sure]
Man: What are you doing?
Me: I don't actually know.
Lady: It is suppose to be over 100 degrees today my dear
Me: Yes I heard that
Man: Do you want some water?
Me: Oh no, well, if you have it sure that would be nice [wipe, check mouth for after throw up residue - classy I know. School on Saturday is my name...no class!]
Man goes to get cold bottle of water from the house.
Lady: Again ah what are you doing? And why are you doin it?
Me: Again now that I think about it, not sure. Running? Yes that is it.
Lady: Ah, ok then. Good luck with that.
Man comes back with water.
Man: Be careful out there dear. Take care.
Me: Thank you. you too!

I walked and ran the rest of the 2 to 3 miles (that sequence of number is popular today for me!)
And I felt great! I can do this I thought.
Lesson today? Even if one throws up one can still be ready to rock n roll!

Oh it is hot out alright!

"What the hell are you lookin at?"

It seems that I've had a slight change of attitude from earlier today.

I'll be back...

I put out...

wait that doesn't sound so good now that I read it in print.
I mean I do put out but not what you are thinking. I mean I put out positive energy. At least that is what I will do today. Send it out there so it shall come back to me two-fold. Here's to putting out.

A Sensible Poem

I have a view
of how I should see you
if I allow myself to distinquish.

I possess no dispute with it.
I desire to move forward with this

wonder at being able
to show all information:
I am alive,

I have heard uttered
a while ago before my time
in another mode,

as clever drifted over an era
seeming to shrink and become trivial,
longer extended, and oversized.

As the conversation I want to escape from echos in that room
as soon as the mouth is opened to condemn

prior to when I ever fell for love,
thirsting for external devotion.
yearnings do change over time,

and myself, I give respect,
and cloak only one thing.

I just cannot at this point

I cannot care what people think of me.

More than likely they are not even thinking of me.

I don't care.

I can't care.

Too destructive.

I am not thinking of them so why should they of me?

Neither can I care they are NOT thinking of me. Or acting as if so. To know, to be confident that they are but cannot show it. Will not show it. Will not let me in. I cannot care. Where is that valve, the main shut off anyway? Click. Ah that is better.

Hey wait a minute i just remembered something!

I know people. I know people. I can tell things about people and how they work. It is not hard and I am not tooting any complex horn by any means. I just remembered that I have a sense about people and I am reminding myself.

I know what is happening, what is taking place. I am not giving up or in. I am here. Here. There is no baggage only experience and life. It is worth it. I know it. Like i said, I know people.

A year

I woke up this morning with such a feeling of power. I realized that in a few weeks my first year now living on the eastern shore will be complete. From one big perspective I feel that it has gone really fast and I have not accomplished anything at all. Then when I dive into the specifics I come to see that I have done a lot...especially for someone that had a mini life crisis or half a breakdown in NYC, uprooted 9 years of history and scooted down the coast to live with her parents after 20 years of being on her own. The shore embraced me. Took me in and gave me just what I needed - it is as if this place knew how to heal me without even asking me what I wanted or needed to do so. Which is nice for a couple of reasons...if asked that question at the time of first coming here to the shore I would have had no idea of what to say and two because well let's face it a piece of land, an area talking to you, let alone asking you, "hey there little lady how can we the ocean, the bay, the land help you?" would seem a tad bit out there to say the least. I said I experienced a mini life crisis not complete craziness. I am not crazy. Although I read somewhere that people who say they are not crazy tend to ah well be so. A little crazy is sometimes good. It keeps one sane. Back to my first year here on the shore - What have I done so far in this 12 months? I believe I have discovered or rather uncovered the type of performer, artist I want to be. That takes a long time people. At least a year. Now I have to do it, execute it, make it happen as one may say. That is the second year. What else? I've been working on myself, relationships and all that crap of the heart and at times the head. I am dating someone. A someone. I am learning that timing may not be everything but it IS a big part of it. I am not giving up in this area and that takes guts. I have come to realize that I am brave. I now know that you do have to walk out on the limb for the fruit but fuck then you see how far the drop is! I have to say it feels like I am making progress yet still have a ways to go all at once, tied together. This is hard. I truly understand why people hesitate to do it, to go there and why they retreat from it, put up all defenses so as not to deal with it. At the same time I find I am conflicted - how can one NOT deal with it? How can one allow that big fat elephant to continue to rest in that corner? A big realization is that I have done a lot of work this last year and there is still more to do in this coming year.

So why do I say I woke this morning with such a feeling of power? My answer? Even though there are no numbers involved, do the math.

Another shitty day in paradise

The gals fishing trip that i went on yesterday.

One cute captain, 8 slimy flounder, hot sun, cool green water, and multiple beers = FUN.

As we were all handed a fish to hold for this classic picture, hands inserted into the fish gills, gulp...alas what did one of the ladies whisper to me?

"Well now i know what it is like to be a lesbian"

And say goodnight Gracie...Goodnight Gracie.

Virgin experience

last night at a show i did i had my very first truely evil awful heckler. It was outstanding. i mean i took my flip flops off and everything. Tears started to well up in the corner of my eyes. Luckily they did not form fully and leave the eye area. They fueled me on to not only have a stellar set - one reviewer of my performance said the following;

"Thanks for bringing your energy and life perception to the evening. I know it was a tough evening for you but you responded with dignity, grace and courage - and humor" - Peg, runs the show and also a close friend...just a coincidence

- ...but for the first time i got to use my "stop the heckler" skills. They worked. i got the crowd all riled up against him and someone actually said to this non gentleman, "dude why don't you just let her tell us her funny stuff or get the &^%$# out!" Righteous. And to think i really did not have any material when i first got up there. i did a hodge podge of old stuff, audience off the cuff stuff and well then the heckler stuff. That actually extended my set by 3 or 4 minutes. Nice. It had been a while since i had performed some material, new that is, so this experience got me pumped. i got to get back to writing and stop sulking around thinking about this life crap. I feel like my life has been on hold for the last few weeks and i got to stop it. I am sure all three of you know the cause...a boy, relationship, of course. Man, men, ahem, sometimes they are a royal pain in the ass. Ok i am off to write some funny shit...well technically to rent a movie, put on PJs and lay in bed, drink a hot toddy (once i google what the hell makes one up) - Allergies ain't they a bitch? So you know, i like to call all of the previous events ah writing. Sssshhhh....no one has to know. i mean it is my life afterall.