oh and the best thing happened to me this weekend!

i had the best weekend. i relaxed...did laundry, sipped on yummy cheap red wine from Whole Foods, and watched television Friday eve. Got up early Saturday and went to the Farmer's Market in Carrboro, petted some newly born chicks, had delicious middle eastern food for lunch, found some good deals on clothes at two consignment shops with my god mother (which i love...having a god mother AND a god father, for reals!), lounged on the couch in air conditioning, trained as a bartender at this cool little pub called The Dead Mule Saturday night, got up early Sunday drove around, drank coffee, got a good deal on shorts at The Gap, wrote on my blog, paid bills (had the money in the bank to do it, nice, very nice), did some swimming in a pool, drank some cold cold brews, cooked out, got my fix of law and order CI (THE best one - a new new episode on USA where Goren is undercover...man he is sexy no matter what, crazy or sane!), and hung with my bud from high school and his son and then got some nice sleep and here I am Monday morning. And the best thing that happened to me throughout all of that lovely stuff? Every time i tuned in to the television all four of these movies were playing...four of my favs! It was outstanding!!! Completed an already brilliant weekend. Hot temperature wise and hot fun wise. me so lucky.

Quote for Monday, June 9th

"Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst of order is.” - Steve Martin

I had a deadline at the end of last week that I could have totally gotten done before if I had not goofed off earlier in the week. At first when I realized this (at 6:30pm still at work – I usually leave at 4:30pm) I was upset, a little bit mad at myself. Then after a few more minutes of obsessing on it I realized it was all ok. The time I had spent goofing off earlier in the week had totally been worth it. It made sense that I was now in this current position and it was not such a bad place to be really. Most people get out of work regurarly around the time I was leaving this one day, the first in my new job. I realized and comprehended that it all evened out. There was a balance. What was the big deal about having to stay a few extra hours today? I had no plans for the eve, still light out since summer and I get paid for the time. Ah ha! I felt very balanced and happy. It is the simple things in life after all…one just has to listen out for them, be open to seeing them.

obsession...another...

Quote for Sunday, June 8th

Me: "So what kind of patients are on this floor?"
Co-worker: "Sick ones."

I am obsessed with thrift stores and refinement shops. Apparently I enjoy other people’s stuff. It is cheaper than me buying the stuff the first go round (not crap by the way, stuff). And since I now live in a very affluent area the stuff is great! It has allowed me to institute a new rule of shopping, purchasing for me. I am not allowed to buy any pair of shoes that cost more than 5 bucks. I have bought 3 pair so far all either at 5 or under 5 bucks. Well OK, you got me. Last weekend I bought a pair for $5.50! They were marked $11 and so of course after seeing that I placed them back on the shelf. Nope those are not the shoes for me. Alas, as I was walking around the store I overheard two lovely ladies chatting about the sale taking place that day in the store. Ears a perked and blood a flowing I casually sauntered up to the counter to inquire. “Buy one pair of shoes and get a second pair free”, uttered the young perky gal behind the check out counter. Well, well how grand is that? I whispered to myself. I tried to make another pair work but to no avail, no free shoes. And even though they were free I did not just take a pair – I purchased my one pair at $5.50. Why keep a pair of shoes from another person? To take something just to take it? I also found a cute summer dress for 3 bucks. To which I have already worn twice!

ssshhh....i missed yesterday. a quote for yesterday? well I cannot really go back in time, but if I could here is the quote I would use;

Quote for Saturday, June 7th

"I think about having kids. I ask myself often do I want kids? I mean sure. I like owning stuff as much as the next guy, ah gal." - Michelle Maclay, shopping, dodging renegade strollers.

planned thoughts

Quote for Friday, June 6th, 2008

"Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy." - Steven Wright

So today I thought again about my plan, my schedule that I have set up for myself. What I thought a lot about was that I am not following it. This is hard. I have realized, or it has truly hit home, that just saying you are going to change is not enough. That is only the beginning. Yes creating the plan and documenting is good, necessary even. Yet how does one then go about actually doing it. Getting it done. Making it a part of you. One step at a time. Do one thing on the plan. No matter how small. Therefore today I got up a little bit earlier than usual (about 10 minutes) and simply got out of bed, went to the kitchen, got a glass of water, and sat on the couch. That is it. Then after about 7 or 8 minutes I got up, proceeded to the bathroom and to the rest of my usual morning ritual. It was great. I felt different. I am trying to develop a pattern of getting up earlier so I can either run a few miles or write a few pages, a blog entry before the day gets started. Especially now that we are entering into the “fuckin hot” season of North Carolina. Best to get all outdoor, indoor, around the door, any, activity done before 9am. Remember just a step at this point is what is important and I need to focus on. The process and not so much the actual activity or task that eventually I desire to accomplish and shall do so in the future. And the next step? Well to get up even earlier of course! Extend it to 15, then 20. For 20 is the number I am shooting for to get in a run, a write, a blog entry. They say it takes 21 times of doing a new behavior before it becomes a habit, develops into a habit. Ah, excellent. Only 20 more times…of 10 minutes earlier. Then 21 times of 15, 21 times of 20 minutes earlier. At that rate I will be actually running and or writing by say end of August, the start of fall? Brilliant. Simply smashing to have a goal and fall seems just right.

perky married people

psst...this is Pierre. He is not a dancer, but he plays one on TV.

Quote for Thursday, June 5th:

"When a dude in a pick up truck drives by you at the bus stop and honks his horn, smiles and waves at you does that mean he wants to date you or is he only acting out a scene from a movie he just saw?" - Michelle Maclay

good morning kids. hope all is well in your little worlds. i am back in the office world...in a hospital office world technically. I like my new job. I like the people I work with yet I have noticed that the married kids in my office, and I have to say in any office I have ever resided in, have some perks that us single kids do not have access to. This does not make me bitter. I just want the same rights. Example? If one is married and has kids one can say to their manager, boss man or lady (all equal employers I have worked for), "ah yes I have to leave at 4pm today to pick up my kids at daycare and they look down on me, frown you might say if I am late and they have to wait." Now you would never hear a single person say to their boss man, lady, "so yeah ah I have to leave at 4pm today to go meet my bartender at my local pub to get smashed and he looks down on me, frown you might say if I am late and he has to wait."
I am sure there are some perks available only, morally and legally, to single kids that are not to the married ones. Like being able to attend formal functions or any event and take a different date each time, sleep with them and then not have to go visit in-laws for Thanksgiving...and others that are not coming to mind. As Chris Rock says, “You are either married and bored or single and lonely.” It is good to be one and or the other for different reasons. The good news and why I am truly in the cat bird seat? I am single now, at times a tad lonely but mostly simply alone, but someday I shall be married and bored. Wait a minute that is good news? Ok so then the goal is to not be lonely when single and not be bored once married? I can do that. Oh look there is my manager, my boss lady, “Hey yeah I need to head out early today…

da plan

George is back in my town baby! nice to have you back mister. now what are you doing this weekend?

Ok, so I have already strayed from my executive decision…argh! I missed one day. Here goes. I will get it. Damn it.

Quote for Wednesday, June 4th
“I’m single because I was born that way.” – Mae West

I love it. I am actually really liking being single right now.
I have a plan and I am sticking to it. Here is the brilliance; since not focusing on it ah hello getting asked out.
Now mind you I am not going out on these dates. Not part of the plan right now. I know it sounds dumb but hey I’ve never really had a plan before and I am starting to think perhaps that is the problem. Well not a problem just some things have not turned out the way I expected, desired or rather the way I planned them to come out. Could be cause I didn’t really have a plan. I mean even skinny white pretty girls have plans (not a reference to me at all. Sure I am pretty and white but since I moved here a few new pounds have arrived and taken up residence on my bod…not fat just perhaps a tad bit more of me to ask out)…the SWG plan you ask? To throw up. At least they got that, they know what they need to do each day. My plan now that I am further down south is to truly get this damn debt paid down, organized and to focus on my humor writing. The memoir that is drifting, floating weightless deep down inside of me. I did a 10 minute set the other night at a bar. A nice bar, very nice yet still not a comedy showcase location. A “professional” comedy show so they say… truly still an open mic. Which is fine. Some of my best shows have been at an open mic, ahem, but let’s call it what it is shall we? The kids are doing a great job and I am sure they will get there. Hey creating a good, high quality, funny (ah yes this takes work) long standing comedy show requires time, focus and quite honestly pain. Which is great, works out cause pain and struggle be quite hilarious...if delivered correctly of course.
So, while I was on stage at this show teetering dangerously close to bombing…tends to happen when one does not have any material and says, “ah sure I can just wing it”, gulp, hiccup, ah sure babe! It hit me. Not a tomato or a mean comment. The crowd actually enjoyed my struggle on stage and we had a good time together…I pulled it out you could say – finally I can say that phrase, pulled it out, and it is a good thing and not a line item on a police report. Ok, so there I was and a revelation hit me; the performing is the journey and the writing, the written product is the destination. What the hell is this gal speaking of now? Well the last few years have been about me working on, struggling with who I am as a performer, a comedian, an artist, etc. I love to perform live and be in the moment with the audience and quite frankly I am damn good at it. I am also not too shabby at the writing part. Yet for some reason the two together combined into a category called “stand-up comedian” just have not worked for me, clicked into place within my skeleton. I am starting to get it. Write this memoir, this story of you and your life, adventure in humor and perform it live, share it with others in a live, open, in the moment arena. Perform as you write yet view as fun, a tool to tweak and hone the writing. I love it. I sensed I was on the right track when I moved here and now it is confirmed. In this area at least. Men, owning property, investing in the future, health insurance and a work out regime, all the other "normal" crap? Still checking the signs, reading the map…get to that later people, truly later and really I will...or I won't. And I can honestly say looking back on all the experiences in stand up comedy in my past were all worth it. All of it. It got me here and that is brilliant all in itself. I also had that realization that all those years, shows and interactions with audiences and other comedians was so great, so wonderful and not a waste of time at all! - Whew I am spent for today. Plus my boss just got here and I have go do some executive assistanty stuff. Have a day.

Executive decision

ok so my blogging lately is the pits. not the actual content but the actual process of WRITING on the damn blog! Which I guess if you think about it is also the content since you need the first part to then have the second part. a chicken and egg sort of dealo.

in the past i would do a quote a day either by someone famous or me. I liked the idea of doing a quote a day for many reasons. One by the off chance that I through the course of any given day thought of some insightful, witty or enlightening idea or phrase that I could then have a place to document it, share it. Another reason being that it encouraged me to write each day. It was working for a while but as of late, the last month, it has done the opposite. Taunted me and brought slamming to the surface that fact that I am not writing...as much as I should, could and need to be. Could be my recent move and getting settled has caused me to not write as much. Or that discovering and trying out new bars is taking way more of my free time than I originally planned. Who knows and really who the hell cares? The one time where the journey is NOT the important part and the destination is what it be all about! So here I am in the "not writing on my blog" land.

Therefore, I've decided that instead of having a specific area for a quote a day that now I will do a quote a day in my actual blog entry. That way I have to write everyday. I have to because for some reason I have to post a quote a day. Which actually now that I am here and thinking about my blog, that statement is not true. Since there have been many missed days of quotes. Ok, again, stop focusing on the journey, and get back to the destination.

Also, I am sure that my audience's ("hey, Lara, Chip, Deb S., Robin") lives have been empty these last weeks without my enteries!

So, my quote for today? thanks for asking...

"If you feel as if you are going through hell, keep going, you are on the right track." - Michelle Maclay.

And my entry for today? Ah hello, look up, return to top of page.

Peace and all that crap...till tomorrow.

P.s. a pic of me at my new job. Don't be jealous of my amazing desk...I know I am not!

P.s.s I love my new job...no really, I'm not being funny...or at least I'm not TRYING to be.

no mood to write but here a glimpse of a good weekend on the shore!

i am here...

i will write some this eve...just getting settled, working, writing, meeting people....ahhhh and loving it. lots of funny, interesting stuff to report! I be back!

I'm...

missing. I am in missing. Out of it. Been out of commission here for the last few days. It is a true reflection of me, my life, my place in it right now. Moved here going on three weeks now. Went to the shore this week for a few days to get some more crap and see some people - it was good, familiar, odd, validating and just well it was. I love the shore, the water and that is truly the piece i miss in my new location down further south. Yet I have to say, to write, that as I was tooling along the highway to meet up with some cool kids for some even colder brews it hit me...I do so love this place and in that love I am happy I am not a resident here no more...for now. It did its job and so now must I. I savored that feeling, that revelation for the rest of my ride. It does not happen often I fear, suspect to me or to anyone much I am willing to bet; the grounding knowledge that a place you have been was good...so good that it is great you are now gone from it. It has let you go and so to it you release it as well. I am missing. I am missing that water, some people for sure. I am missing in action and that is just where I want, need to be.

sunday revelation #9

i laid in bed till 10:30am today - missed my show - ack! so i came up with quite a few revelations. alas this one is the one worth telling, ahem, or ah me remembering....
why does one make their bed? you are just going to get back into it in about 12 hours. or maybe one makes their bed cause they think they will get lucky and not be back in their own bed till say 24 hours? me? today? aint making it. i'll be back there this eve...

get a wha?

i got a job today! mommy gets to eat this eve. what a super day i've experienced so far and all cause i am employed. people i am pretty sure are nicer to you if they suspect that you have a job. here are a few examples to prove my point: the surly a tad bit overweight just out of the closet dude at the "we think we are in NYC but wait a minute we are not" coffee shop even smiled at me and gave me my coffee WITHOUT me asking twice for it. but maybe he was hungover or there was a cute stud boy with no shirt on standing behind me and i grabbed that gesture as if it were for moi sort of thing. i've discovered as of late that one truly does have to snatch what is out there and claim it for their own or nothing is what ya get. sort of reminds me of the old west where people raced on horses and stuck sticks in the ground and claimed the land for theirs - this was sorta like that, i think...or was that the rerun of Bonanza i just watched on TV LAND last eve? Which by the way was such a predictable show that my pop use to tell me he was one of the writers on it and to which my grade school i did ah carry such information to and share with classmates! Much to my dismay did not get me a seat at the popular peeps table but alas a piece of asphalt next to the "we smoke, wear black and we dont even like ya" kids...but alas as usual i have drifted way off of course of my story...so back i go! Then later in the day at the grocery story the little cute high school boy that bagged my fruit, TP, the mint 3 muskateers bar, and wine into one compact plastic bulging bag (the esssentials i likes to call em!) smiled at me sweetly and cooed, "oh miss (ahem) would you like me to carry this out to the car for you?" I declined for fear of akward conversation potential as we walked to the car in the early afternoon sun and then the "ah well shucks i cant seem to reach my purse for a tip" shuffle that i knew would take place. then again maybe he feared of my age that i was too frail to carry such a full bag? wait a minute no i am pretty sure that he was impressed that someone, I, who not yet showered for the day could look so stunning and exude such confidence! his thoughts i am sure ran there and then ended on, "yeah girl you got that job!" at least this is the story i am stickin with...that be my story morning glory. afterall attitude IS half the battle and i actually believe more than not over half the battle, maybe even 3/4ths but i am not ready to quite commit to it. till then i'll be here sitting in the sun, sipping on a cool Sierra Nevada, reading a good memoir (research indeed!) and figuring out how to buy some new clothes for my new job that starts in a week....stay tuned....

so what have i been up to?

way down here in north carolina in the last few days? thanks for asking. drinking some carolina brewery cold brew, searching for sublets for the summer, crying over the loss of a family friend and then drinking a crap load of cheap red wine in her honor till 5am...looking for work and finding it, meeting new friends and reuniting with old ones, tooling around a town i recognize under all the new and fangled shops, bars and restuarants, checking out the hoola hoopers at weaver street, catering a party where at the end i drank mucho yummy pink champagne, hanging out with my little bro and loving my move to the big NC.
The flowers are blooming, the birds are a chirping, sun peaking out more and more warming the bricks, green grass and rich orange mud along side the winding roads. Spring has sprung! Enjoy it, soak it up, relish it and love it! that is what i been doing you best get on doing something too.

i am here!

what a way to go out; work the beer truck and get gas money for my trip! thanks cape chuck. it was a blast. got up way too early on saturday morning and headed south. got to my catering gig on time, worked it up, drank it up...hence the car still not unpacked. unfortunately a dear dear family friend is very ill so been chillin with that family...i am super duper beyond sad and numb. glad i am here though. my pop is here too so it is like i am gone from the shore but sort of not. i shall see ya round some corner soon when you least expect kids! Till then keep on keepin on.

peace!

Till later....

i am out. as i get settled over the next few days in NC the blog enteries may be scarce...they may not be...the point? i dunno what they will be!
my parting words to the shore?

you know how some people leave their hearts in San Francisco?
I am pretty sure I am leaving my liver in Cape Charles!

ok that is my time. You have been a lovely audience. Don't forget to tip the bartender and see ya round!

say goodbye, gracie, i mean michelle

a few things i shall truly miss from the eastern shore (my home for the last 19 months, truly a home)

1. blue herons, my neighbors, flying past me as i have morning coffee. i shall even miss them arguing into the late afternoon...so angry!

2. people waving at me i don't know

3. kellys gingernut pub

4. first wednesday show in Cape Charles

5. The ESO in Belle Haven

6. Cape Charles Coffee House in Cape Charles (the best damn office i have ever worked in!)

7. Harbor Parties (oh wait i won't miss those cause I am not going to MISS those!)

8. The Turkey Pen Pickers and The Chair Place concerts in Craddockville

9. The Bear and Cub Coffee Shoppe in Pungoteague

10. sunsets from my bedroom window

11. The Sterling House, my home away from home

12. Cold brews on the beach

13. Tess

14. Mariahs

15. the water, the water and the water

16. Angus dog...he is the best man i know!

17. The Yellow Duck in Exmore

18. Kristen and Jamie's delicious, yummy coffee

i am sure there are items, places, things i am leavin off the list...

a big warm hug of thanks to all i met here on the eastern shore.

as i drive over the bay bridge tomorrow, just as i get to the top of that first leg of the bridge i predict i shall whisper ever so softly, "eastern shore, eastern shore" (not ringing any bells? google Prince of Tides)

Good night kids! It has been a wonderful ride and for all i've met, partied with, hung out with, gotten to know and love, i thank you from the heart of my cute little ole bottom!

thanks eastern shore!

pics from my send off tuesday night....

i have been lame i know!

not written in a few days...been too busy dancing it up at the Renovator's Ball, slurping down Sierra Nevadas, sipping on Coastal Roasting coffee, spending my unemployment dough, and laughing it up with my pals here on the Eastern Shore. Only 4 more days and i am out...heading down south. A good friend of mine asked me the other day, "well now that you are moving to North Carolina won't you have to change your blog name?" My first response? Who the BLEEP are you, the blog police? ha ha! Which of course I just said to try to be funny. I say try cause he did not laugh and therefore since my only audience, it was not a funny! My second and honest response? ah i had not thought on it and so don't rightly know? Maybe i can change it from maclayontheshore to maclayofftheshore? feedback needed peeps? let me know, tell me what to do!

if you are out and about anywhere near Kelly's Pub this eve anytime after 7 in the PM, come on BY to say BYE to moi! smooches kids, smooches indeed!

m

me smilin

what a wonderful show i did have last night at The Bear and Cub Coffee Shoppee. They had to turn people away....now there was only seating for 35 so i am not calling Leno just yet but the feeling that they had to turn people away feels good. Ecelctic and fun crowd attended and they paid me. Wow! My second to last show here on the shore and it was fantastic. Thank you to Amy and Joe who own the B & C - you two are making it happen and for that i love ya! Have a super duper weekend people.

PS. I just noticed that in the picture of me up top with the mic i look like a blonde jewish vampire. Ah aint life grand? There has got to be something there...i am off to find out, me, my journal and my butt at The Bear and Cub!

question

can one have anything other than a "personal" opinion? stop saying that people!

the truth

you have one job people! to be the best human being you can be. that is it. cut and dry and as simple as that. if you do that, if you strive for that to be your inner mission, passion, goal then i gurantee all else will fall into place, present themselves in an orderly fashion. if you are making a face right now then never mind. have a day kids, toots and smooches to you.

Memoir Entry #12

this should keep ya busy....

Leaving the Shore

It has been 18 months now since on the shore living with the older
couple. Things are nice and Peaceful here. Alas I feel as
If it is time to move on. To try out another area, a new adventure. I’ve
secured another room with another lovely older couple down south in
North Carolina. The lovely older couple here on the
Shore referred me to them. They are good friends. I believe
they keep telling me that this couple are my Godparents.
I asked the lovely older couple here what that means. It was
explained to me by the older woman of the couple that
these two are now responsible for my spiritual guidance
should anything happen to her or the lovely older
gentleman. Seems fair enough. I feel as if the time has come
to pursue my passion is a larger community. A simple passion really.
Staying one and sometimes two steps ahead of “the man”.
I have so enjoyed my time here on the shore and find that I shall
miss so many things about it. The lack of options for one.
That is nice. No thinking Involved. The waving by
people I don’t know I shall miss as well.
Even though it is not socially accepted for a
woman to wave, I do so.
I’m concerned about my lifestyle changing. I’ve asked the lovely
Older couple to provide me with 3 cars, a chef and 18 months of
Rent stipend as this is the lifestyle I’ve come accustomed to.
I will miss my morning chats with the local farm dogs. The shore
Name is actually deer. I’m pretty sure it’s the state dogs.
I am thrilled that while
Here on the shore I have finally been diagnosed.
For so long now I have feared. The worse about what was
ailing me. I moved here to find out what and so
happy that the time has not Been wasted. The doctor told me just
The other day, “oh honey, you are very focused, you
are just lazy and don’t want to do the work!”
What a relief to finally be diagnosis. I called
my best girlfriend and told her. She was so happy for
me and proceeded to ask If I was doing this, and then
finishing that, to which I had to say, “whoa, there missy!
I’ve just been now diagnosed. It may be months maybe even
years before there is any substantial behavior change!”
I did have a dream the other night about my new journey down
South. I dreamt that I was paddling down a river of gravy with two
queue tips. When I told the young Farmhand, the one that incidentally
looks a lot like me, I said is that not weird and what does it mean? To
which he replied, absolutely nothing! I have been able to pay
off some of the large debt I owe but not all. I called the credit card
company just the other day In hopes of extending my
credit limit. All the time truly knowing in the heart
of my heart that it was not to be. While on hold waiting for the
lovely adolescent girl to Come back on the line
To tell me no, I thought it quite discomforting that the
hold music they played was, “Bridge over troubled water”
I am not sure if they think that is humorous or not, I
alas did not. I fear that the credit card
company guys sitting up in their office eating their
20 dollar lunches and sipping on their 5 dollar coffees are
looking at my file and are concerned. This makes me
feel so good inside. That they are taking the time.
I fear they are concerned not so much about the payments
I am not making for us all know that is just money.
No I hear them saying things like, “I am worried for this
Miss Maclay. She does not seem to be living
up to her potential” and “What has happened to her?
She use to buy so many material items and now
all she buys is gas, Cheetos and slim jims”
I do find it encouraging and really a leap of faith at
All of the credit card offerings they are now
Sending me in the mail. This has got to be a good
sign. After all, if they did not care why would they
Send me so many offers, approved for cards?
surely they know my situation. It reassures me that
It is not about the money but they are genuinely
concerned about my potential, my welfare. So sweet.
I have yet to take them up on their offer but
now find myself with this new move considering it.
And as I am often heard exclaiming, “I say live for
each day!” I do try to live each day as if it were my
last. However I do find it rather frustrating when
I wake up each morning alas I am still there. And have to
start it all over again. Perhaps this is why
people have children, to leave them their debt.
Makes sense.
I overheard the older couple talking the other night in regard
to a tax gift now being offered by the federal gift.
I’m rather excited although at the same time I fear that the
tax man is good friends with the credit card gentlemen and I shall
never see “that gift”
more later as I hear the older woman clomping
up the stairs, talking to herself.
Which I do have to say as a side note, even if she
does talk to herself, what she says does seem to be
good advice for on several occasions I have listened in
to her conversations with herself. I do hope they will be ok, the
Lovely older couple, once I am gone. I will miss them.
I shall have to return and check on them regularly to make sure.
I’ve encountered quite a few people who once I tell I live
with this lovely older couple, say, “how can you do that?”
To which I reply, “ah how can you not?”
I highly recommend it.
I have so enjoyed my time here on the shore. I am
eternally grateful to it and to all I have encountered,
One and all. Thank you. Till next time, goodbye.

words rule!

three new favorite words:

toots, smooches, and kid

i am using em and i am gonna use em a lot!

leaving a place

a place is a place as a chunk of time allows it to be.
there are people you meet, conversations you have and experiences undertaken.
in a pocket of time and space you are placed, alone, and made available.
a learning may take place, a priority figured out and then a calmness descends.
past yourself you sense a breeze flowing, gently gliding past you fresh from the ocean.
a whif of a scent familiar yet no finger can be put upon it, to name it.
for now name is needed, only a feeling suffices and for now that is good for you.
your name is known to a few, maybe even many and you like that idea, welcome it.
plans made, schedules secured, people to show up and say goodbye, so long to you.
could it be fulfillment that now floats inside my blood, traveling along my vein highway?
again another place i've lived and actually lived.
or am i in Kansas?

commence freak out mode

two weeks till i pack up my car with clothes, one piece of art (don't ask it is just the number i came up with...), my journals, and my sunglasses and move to north carolina. it always seems to amaze me or rather never ceases to amaze me how one can feel two very strong and opposite emotions all at once. i am happy and both sad all wrapped in one body. cool.

a half that made me whole

been sort of out of it over the last week...so not posting as regular as i would prefer and as my head works. lots of stuff moving around in there but not been able to get it to my fingers, to then the blog site. this morning as i sit in the cape charles coffee shop on my second cup o joe waiting for my friend sophia to join me i had a flash of something that happened to me last week that i want to share. it was so small, so fast in occuring that i think my little brain tucked it away without truly reflecting upon it - not sure if the event has any significance or not...more than likely not as most small, beautiful events tend to be...no significance needed as things can just happen and be left at that.
i attended a church service last week, a service at night, that my pop played with his bluegrass band at...for easter. it was very nice, laid back, a nice small intimate crowd...just the way i like to pray, be a part of a church. the band played a few songs, we sang, and then the pastor said a few words and made us laugh. nice. we then took communion. since it was a small not in the regular schedule of services there were not the lovely ladies standing in the isle to direct us up to the alter to take part in the communion. therefore, i was not sure when to go, i waited for others to go and then i was one of the last to get up there. by the time i got up there i had missed the wafer distribution, the body as they say, and i was sort of not sure what to do. i got down my knees as you do, put out my hands and started to think on what to do. do i ask him for a wafer as he comes back around with the wine, the blood of christ, and it is ackward or do i skip it and do only the blood part but what would then happen? i mean if i don't do the entire process is that bad, would it not work, not take? this all happening in about 20 seconds! ah! when i then felt a tap on the shoulder from behind. i turned and there was a nice looking older man there, smiling at me. he then proceeded to break his wafer in half and hand me one of the halves. i took it and turned just in time to be in perfect position to receive a sip of wine - it was perfect. i said a few words of thanks to the alter and then headed back to my seat in the pew. before i made it back i was crying...and smiling. this man gave me half of his body and it made me full. we sang two more songs in which i continued to cry through - not wails mind you, just soft flowing, quiet tears of happiness and appreciation. service ended, we gave peace and then we had some homemade soup and bread in the parish house. that is it, really. any meaning to it? i don't know. I do however know it was a simple, pleasant and unexpected occurance in a place i'd not been in some time. and that in itself, all alone, has significance. way more than this one can put into words, blog entry or speech. so i say goodbye for today and wish that peace be with you.

wednesday: coffee shop, job hunting, mattress searching...sort of...

i'm taking a break from craigslist. when i came across the free sticks and branches entry i thought that perhaps it might be time to break away from that activity for a little bit. due to that i am in process of making a big fat TO do list of all the things i need to get done in order to head on down the road to north carolina in THREE weeks it truly hit me...ack! ack...this is for reals, for keeps! it is going to happen. And i do ponder that after a terrific unplanned afternoon at the pub, delicious dinner at friend's house, several bottles of wine later, telling stories of FIRSTS this last Monday, i am so going to miss this place. when i moved here a mere 18 months ago, i like to say months instead of a year and a half cause it sounds shorter to me and also that is what new moms do with their first kid, but i digress....poorly! When i moved here i had no idea that i would come across so many wonderful, funny, talented, brilliant, goofy, silly, beer drinking, and just plain good ole peeps. what a pleasant surprise indeed. therefore it was decided this last Monday by a committee of one, moi, that i shall spend the last three weeks while here on the shore spending my unemployment checks and drinking heavily. it was decided at the pub, naturally. for all that are in a close enough radius to me i invite you to join me. spring is coming soon to be followed by summer and what better way to welcome in the warmth and singing birds than by sitting inside a pub drinking? none other!!!

so much fun we did have on saturday night!

I had a blast Saturday night at ESO. My bud Theron and I rocked the comedy tree hard and laugh fruit fell like rain. Ack, that was dumb. But you get my drift i bet! I am sure it is quite clear that I am an amateur blogger when it comes to pics...but you get the picture. (obviously I am not an amateur at being funny - ha!)

A memoir entry

one of many written and more to come...

MEMOIR ENTRY #4
Its been 6 months now since I’ve
moved in with the lovely older
couple here on the eastern shore.
They are an interesting couple.
At first I was sort of weirded out
by all of the framed pictures of me
they have up all over the house.
But then I realized that is just their
way of making me feel welcome.
They do speak a unique language.
Both are speaking what appears to be
English, even the same form of it,
the same words yet at times they
are unable to understand one another.
The language seems to have something
to do with the proximity in which
they are to each other. For example
when sitting at the dinner table,
perhaps just a foot apart from each
other it seems rather difficult
for each to hear eachother.
The conversation consists of
grunts and “huhs?”
The peculiar part being that when
one is in the far living room,
on the other side of the house,
and the other in the kitchen at the
other end of the house, they seem to hear
eachother perfectly.
As well oddly and much to my surprise
I have picked up this interesting slang of
the area. I guess it is true that the
best way to learn a new language is
to immerse yourself in the culture,
the people, and sink or swim.
And even beyond just grasping it
I am able to translate for them., much to their delight!
They seem to truly appreciate my
talent for grasping this unusual
language and reward me by
feeding me delicious meals
and offering me alcoholic
beverages. Even to go as far as
to have free reign of their wine
cellar.

I’ve done some research
and have since learned the name of this foreign yet
vaguely familiar language they converse in.
The name of it is mumbling.
I 've been able to secure employment in
another town, Cape Charles, from the one in which I reside,
Belle Haven, with the older couple, quite a distance, a
journey or so I am told so often by the
locals with remarks like “oh my you drive
All the way here from there and then
All the way back again at night?” “you live where?”
Is that up north somewhere? I shake my head yes
and answer politely. I do not want to rile the locals
up since living among them so far has been peaceful
and I am learning a lot. I really don’t mind the long
distance, all 28 miles of it, the drive in the morning.
The vehicle I have precured is enjoyable to drive
and seems quite reliable. I like having something of
my own. And actually when I say my own I truly mean, to
be fair, the fine young farm hand's. It is his car. He is
extremely friendly, helpful and as well looks strikingly
like myself. I fear he has as well been taking pictures of me
when I am not looking since he as well as a few of me
in his room I have never seen before.
He purchased the vehicle from the woman of
the older couple but has yet to pay her entirely for it.
So she has loaned it to me for the time being. Often she says,
“well I have half a mind to repossess that car from him”
and then proceeds to laugh for what to me seems to be an
over extended period of time. It seems to make her happy.
And yet again, I don’t say anything. I don’t want to come
across as ungrateful since they have taken me in on merit.
They are very generous to someone they don’t really know.
Paying for other various necessities like electricity, netfix,
popcorn, scotch, advil, and triple A batteries. I’ve been
spending a lot of time getting to know the older
couple and so far it seems that we do have a lot in common.
We’ve discovered one thing in particular that goes by the
name of DNA. Note to self, when first free moment, look up
This DNA. I’ve not really been dating. I fear there might
be a language barrier as well with men here or perhaps the
pick up lines of this area do not translate well to others.
They seem so confusing. For example just last week
a young man came up to me in the grocery store parking
lot and said, “get in the truck” and smiled.
Then just the other evening I was in a fine drinking
establishment in town and this fine young gentleman
came up to me at the bar, right up to
me so that at first I thought oh good
someone direct and who knows what he wants.
Then he proceeded to push me, hard, and say,
“Hey get the hell out of the way”
I was so confused.
I wonder as to why he did
not go ahead and ask me out. Instead he seemed to be
playing some game. Doing
some tribal ritual dating dance.
I don’t usually like to toot my horn, but
“toot toot” for I am very happy
with my choice to live with the
lovely older couple, who for some reason
as of late have requested that I call
them mother and father…and again I
abide by their peculiar wishes since they are
so kind and seem to be moving
slower but speeding up in the consumption of
this brown liquid called SCOTCH.
I am proud of my contribution to the
environment and my sacrifice for
Mother earth. Truly would it not be
environmentally damaging to live on
my own? Wasteful even. Using separate
gas to heat a house when they are already
heating it, buying separate groceries when
they have so much to share? And so on.
I am hopeful that this arrangement
will continue on. I do chores around
the house to help out such as picking up
after myself, throwing the recyclables actually
in the recycle bin, unloading the dishwasher,
making them laugh…and other such vital tasks.
Until the older couple stop feeding me
and ask for rent I shall stay on as
their boarder, afterall truly it is the least
I can do. Until next entry, stay safe.

i am off down south...

not for good just for a few days - in search of jobs and a cool pad to rest my head once down there. I will hang with my bro, see my god parents (not really sure how the spiritual leadership or guidance they are responsible for is going...), catch up with some old high school buddies (gulp! - we can compare wrinkles, smile lines and the progression of tats spreading) oh and drink many cold brews!

a perfect day to drive i must say. clear, crisp air, blue sky with a few wisps of white clouds to guide me down the coast. got tunes, sunglasses, and Funonions (refreshing when a word IS actually spelled as it sounds!) - is this a great country or what?

Don't despair...i will still be in blog contact! Just you wait...there i will be looking all cool and hip in starbucks aka 4bucks in downtown chapel hill! either that or i will be looking all scary with notes scattered all around me while the young college students gawk and laugh at me - blogging will prevail no matter what! Ok, to much java today, i am out!

Oh and FYI?

that song "Isnt it ironic?" by miss morissette? none of those lyrics are ironic... i think or is that ironic? wait...ah crap...but i just don't see how "it's like rain on your wedding day, its good advice that you just didn't take", or "it's like 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife" is ironic? am i off here people?

oh and i got some new chucks last week. i am in love.

slip ons? who knew? I didn't till i opened the box...they were on sale! Well sure no laces, duh, for sure they should be on sale! Then red ones? For sure. sort of reddish orange actually.

You know how i knew they rocked? When a friend saw me in them this last weekend at a party he said, and i quote (duh, what else would I do but quote? jeez!), "Damn girl you are my bitch now!"Is that a fork? stick me cause I am done. What if you only had a spoon would that then be ironic? No it would just mean you would have to stick me with a spoon which actually if you think about it just might be more painful..."you know cause it would take longer, cousin" - now tell me what movie that is from? HA.
Ok happy storm and wind to ya.

stormy afternoon, head spinning, thoughts spilling, letting it go!

to be over it, to be done with it truly and finally it feels so sweet.
to drive a road and not glance for your car, for your wave, a reality of finality hits my heart.
liberation overflows out of my pores powered by knowledge I am free and possess no desire to return.
Backing out of the driveway one last time i imagine me shutting that door, no seeing it close quietly behind me, a lock click into place.
My hand slipping off of the knob, finger tips touching, forming into a snap propeling lips to evolve comfortably, warmly into a smile.
Even better yet to be filled with complete awareness of thankfulness nowhere near regret.
Grateful for the unexpected encounter, diversion provided from that left field.
And now I move on, out, up, and satisfied I am better off, stronger and more alive than ever.
to be over it, to be done reading that tale. A good short story now put aside to gather dust on the shelf of memory. A new slot now open making way for the big, grand novel. Not sure where yet know it can be, is, just over that hill over there, or perhaps around the bend, definitely down the road.

I sing therefore I am ah...

a singer! The other morning as i was getting dressed for the day one of my favorite songs came on the radio and before i knew what had hit me i was dancing around the room, hair brush in hand, aka microphone (I still use the old fashioned kind - no Brittney and Madonna ear piece for this performer), in underwear, bra, singing up a storm. I even played some air guitar. I am a versatile performer...the hair brush doubles easily as a guitar. I think it was a guitar, could have been the bass. I've only played this one song twice before so not sure. It was just 3 or so minutes out of my day yet it was a brilliant 3 minutes. I got lost completely and afterward felt so motivated and energized. Not to join a band I mean really? I can't actually play an instrument. And even though there are multiple air bands out there that do partake in concerts as well as contests I am just not that gal. I am many things that people laugh at but that is not one of them. It got me motivated for the day. Energized to go to the "office" in cape charles to submit resumes, write on my memoir, create material for upcoming shows and to just be excited about me, my life. It is silly I know. So simple, so I dont know, just small. I like that lately. Finding the little things, exploring them, letting myself go, and getting something big out of them. Like the idea that in a month I will pack up my car with the bare minimum (clothes, a few books, my journals, and some music) and hit the road and head down south. An adventure. Me, the road and possibilities! What I love most about those 3 minutes of dancing and air singing to the radio is that I thought I had lost that. The ability to let myself go and be truly and utterly in THE moment. I use to do it all the time when I lived in Greenwich Village in NY but somewhere along the road, the path on my current journey, I lost that ability. I am not a huge believer in "signs" yet I cannot help think, allow my mind to wander to a place where the conclusion is that that dance, that carefree experience that one morning tells me I am indeed ready to go, to move on for the next chapter. Either that or I have completely lost it, am a hop skip and ah a dance away from wearing a tinfoil hat and no one is bothering to tell me. Yet surely someone would tell me, yes? Even if I am though what I have now come to realize is that either way it just doesn't matter. I have the Shore, the people and the experiences here over the last year and a half to thank for this recaptured emotion and knowledge. One more thing I will pack away in my car when i head out down south; gratefulness.

Happy Prez Day to All!

in honor of the big HOLIDAY check out this fresh, new, quite simply fun blog i am HONORED to be a part of....http://navigatrix13.wordpress.com/
it has nothing really to do with presidents. just an opp to promote something fun, good, and creative. and scene, i be done...for now.

at first

at first i thought your words were truth
honestly slipping across your tongue
over your lips, entering my ears, seeping into my blood.
a heart then full of your possibility and
fearing the worst yet still stepping off the porch.
then the sound from your mouth turned to
uncertianity quickly molting to utterances with wings of a coward. lastly, nothing, no words, silence.
i heard the silence echo in my mind,
the quiet so loud it was as if music playing,
bouncing all around my skull, blanketing my brain.

good night moon

there is something about being up at 2:30am...sober. it is sobering. ouch. I only have 5 channels in which I have access to on my television and one of them is sort of half a station truly. interesting that no matter how many channels (or is it stations that is the appropriate word and is the S on the end cause it to be two words?) that one has access to always about 80% of them are crap. doesn't supply a solid argument for cable now does it? So you get more channels, and then more crap. Sort of like when we start to make more money we then start to spend more. We just enter a higher level of poverty. So why not just stick with the 5? And so here I am. I am up because I just finished a transcription job...it is so far from a sexy job that I will not take the time to eSplain. Just know it is a lot of typing, watching and listening people from all walks of life talk on stuff and I have to say then I get well paid for it...and my work clothes are PJs. So hey it aint too bad kids. I am wide awake so I poured myself a glass of vino to unwind and, no that is it no and. I drink it. Just one. I go to bed. I sleep. And so it goes on.

First Wednesday was LAST NIGHT.

the show last night was a success and so much fun. if you missed it shame on ya. i was Russian dancing and everything. amazing talent AS USUAL and much delicious Dogfish brew was consumed. Thanks to tall that performed and observed. I had a good time and think the show went great!

Don't miss the next on March 5th - Peg is back!

if i can make it here...

i can make it anywhere! wow what a few days back in town it has been. so fantastic to go back to a place you lived, grew, experienced so much and to feel so connected and yet not connected. i love being in the big city and at the same time do not miss living here. brilliant. this place is such a worldwind of energy and magic. it only took me about an hour to swing back into the motion of it all. says something, not sure what but says something. nothing profound to say on it all just checking in - back on the shore in a few...

a fav

setting my alarm for 6am and hitting snooze till 7:45am. so yummy. it is predictable and yet not. as i like it. i am off to nyc today kiddos! wish me luck. [PAUSE] ah thanks that is a very nice send off! have a day. and if not then recover it in the night.

off to NYC babies...expenses paid dolls!

so she says to me, "ah yeah we are doing this international food show this weekend in NYC and I need someone to work the show with me, can you do it?"

I think for A second...let's see...so I says back to her, "so what you are saying is that we are staying in a beautiful hotel across from Madison Square Garden, I have a per diem, all expenses paid and you will then pay me to work the show?" To which she replies back with no hesitation, "yep, that is what I am saying"

Like ah no brainer! I get to go to NYC see my friends, do some open mics, eat, drink, and not clean up after myself and someone is going to pay me? I am there, Claire!

I fly up tomorrow and come back next Tuesday. Sweet. I then am on the shore for about 48 hours and then I head the other direction down south to North Cakalaky (as us natives know to say it...we also know it is a state not a town!) for job interviews, smooch on an old BF (nah, no smooching just drinking!), see my cute funny Bro and then jet on back up early Saturday. Whew! And yet it does not end there! I swing into my sabbatical town of Belle Haven and set up for Amy Ingram's fantastic "not for kids" show that Saturday eve...then I think I can breathe for a wee bit...chill in Cape Charles at Kelly's Gingernut Pub, play some darts, chit chat with friends. Then my roomies, the Lovely older couple AKA moi rents of par are off down way south to the land of tortillas and tequilla (they are taking a tequilla tour that sounds simply brilliant... or is it intoxicating? wahoo!) and I have a friend a visiting me while they are gone...me, him, the dog and the house! And then we are almost done with Feb (of all the months I so glad that the month gods choose Feb to be the shortest - very nice very nice work!) - Wait we are then almost in March, spring is round the corner - wha? what had a happened Maury? Time is a wild animal my friends - it just goes and goes and then its gone. Anywho...here's to getting through January and to all that is good and wonderful to take place in February (someone once told me "attitude is everything" I am pretty sure that someone coined that phrase while spending time in the month of February!). So to all a good month and may many treasures and wealth come your way.

BRING ON THE SPRING!!

PS...why Him up there? He is one of the many reasons NYC works darlings!

ah - ha!

in my job search i came across this site...http://www.sugardaddyforme.com/?mode=reg&x_source=A2_443734:daddy
well to be honest i was not so much job searching when i found it as i was house/dog/pigeon/chicken/goat/kitty sitting and i came across an article about it in a Mother Jones magazine - it is never too late to get smart.
so there i was; a fresh glass of red wine poured, all animals fed and tucked in for the night, law and order on the set - when i house sit i tend to watch a crap load of television. mostly because at "my home" i only have 5 channels. The lovely folks i have house sat for tend to have cable and so i allow myself to get totally soaked into the television. amazing though i have to say that even with over 500 channels it is still mostly all crap! outside of monk, law and order and sex and the city it is mostly all infomercials, alas i still love it!
anyway, there i am and i come across this article about this site. wild. and yet i guess not. i've always suspected that such a biz, a line of work existed but did not know where to look. it has now come to mainstream. i checked oout (i realize that i have two Os in this word and after reading the entry i went back to change it but then decided to keep it in - as i was writing this entry i was watching my favorite show, CBS Sunday Morning show, and they were doing a segment on accents. this OOUt sounds like to me the Fargo accent they were discussing at the time) the site, really, truly (ahem) just out of curiousity and for material potential. that and for something the article said, told me that got my attention. it seems that i am "overripe" for the position or so the article tells me. 27 is overripe. ack! Now calm down! I am in no way claiming I am 27...just a few years past that, hee. but certianly not overripe. Anyway, so i came way too late to this party. at first i was offended by the term "overripe" but then i got over it, ha, over it, past it so to speak!
i did not sign up, but it was tempting. yet do i really need another line of rejection tossed at me, right now? nah, not now. but i did want to pass it onto to you my faithful audience. take it as you feel best or of course don't take it all. but i am guessing that most of you will click on the link. i mean why not? all in fun on this warming overcast sunday.

i dunno...just something thinkin on as the rain falls down on my head today

In 1890, an unknown St. Louis physician supposedly encouraged the owner of a food products company, George A. Bayle Jr., to process and package ground peanut paste as a nutritious protein substitute for people with poor teeth who couldn't chew meat. The physician apparently had experimented by grinding peanuts in his hand-cranked meat grinder. Bayle mechanized the process and began selling peanut butter out of barrels for about 6¢ per pound.

if you want to know more go to - http://www.peanutbutterlovers.com/history/index.html

I am sure I am one of a kabillion!

that will discuss, write this "news" on a blog, website, newspaper, paper napkin today and for many to come...therefore, not gonna write on it persay, simply going to mention it and direct your attention to this entry that i like the best...so far.
and i only mention it really cause i thought he was an outstanding actor and appeared to be a good, decent person. i loved him in A Knights Tale and most all of his films to boot, I've walked by the Candy movie a dozen times in the last few months yet have not picked it up. not sure if i will now or not - we shall see. it is sad when anyone dies, and quite a few die each day i am sure - so this death is not anymore sad than any other known or unknown..it is just that, sad. and to me? i think it makes one truly recognize that not even fame, money, super talent, and dashing looks can save ya from the demons. I know the jury is still out on what actually took place in that manhatten apartment and i am sure we will never really know but till then or we get more information, only peace. Mums the word! i just tossed the key out on this one.

http://inhome.rediff.com/movies/2008/jan/23rs.htm

BIG, HUGE decision i just made

smooches! that is the word...smooches. i love it. use it, adore it, hug it, embrace, hell even make love to it...it is IT! SMOOCH it babies if you know what is good for you. And if you don't? If you think this is stupid, ah hello up there in ah long of isle new york, who cares? You shouldn't. Just be, have fun, afterall it just be a word and yet so, even such much more. Come on....ain't it just life afterall? Peace.

my dream? my goal?

To be Mrs. Frost!
No not to be married to a dead guy but to be as good a poet as this dead man. thought i would share one of my more favs of his...happy melting snow people! And go swing on some brances today if you get the chance. dont pass it up EVER!

When I see birches bend to left and right
Across the lines of straighter darker trees,
I like to think some boy's been swinging them.
But swinging doesn't bend them down to stayAs ice storms do. Often you must have seen themLoaded with ice a sunny winter morning
After a rain. They click upon themselvesAs the breeze rises,
and turn many-colored
As the stir cracks and crazes their enamel.Soon the sun's warmth makes them shed crystal shells
Shattering and avalanching on the snow crust
Such heaps of broken glass to sweep away
You'd think the inner dome of heaven had fallen.
They are dragged to the withered bracken by the load,
And they seem not to break; though once they are bowed
So low for long, they never right themselves:
You may see their trunks arching in the woods
Years afterwards, trailing their leaves on the ground
Like girls on hands and knees that throw their hair
Before them over their heads to dry in the sun.
But I was going to say when Truth broke in
With all her matter of fact about the ice storm
I should prefer to have some boy bend them
As he went out and in to fetch the cows
Some boy too far from the town to learn baseball,
Whose only play was what he found himself,
Summer or winter, and could play alone.
One by one he subdued his father's trees
By riding them down over and over again
Until he took the stiffness out of them,
And not one but hung limp, not one was left
For him to conquer. He learned all there was
To learn about not launching out too soon
And so not carrying the tree away
Clear to the ground. He always kept his poise
To the top branches, climbing carefully
With the same pains you use to fill a cup
Up to the brim, and even above the brim.
Then he flung outward, feet first, with a swish,
Kicking his way down through the air to the ground.
So was I once myself a swinger of birches.
And so I dream of going back to be.
It's when I'm weary of considerations,
And life is too much like a pathless wood
Where your face burns and tickles with the cobwebs
Broken across it, and one eye is weeping
From a twig's having lashed across it open.
I'd like to get away from earth awhile
And then come back to it and begin over.
May no fate willfully misunderstand me
And half grant what I wish and snatch me away
Not to return. Earth's the right place for love:
I don't know where it's likely to go better.
I'd like to go by climbing a birch tree,
And climb black branches up a snow-white trunk
Toward heaven, till the tree could bear no more,
But dipped its top and set me down again.
That would be good both going and coming back.
One could do worse than be a swinger of birches.

what i've learned from L&O

1. When the cops are interviewing you (at the top of an hour) always give them eye contact. Anyone that gives them eye contact is always innocent.
2. If the cops ask you to come "down to the station house", go but call your lawyer on the way, before you get to the precinct. Once inside that interrogation room you are on your own. There is no phone in there people.
3. Continue to do whatever you were doing when the cops come up to you. That way there is a good chance that one of them will grab you, get close, and you will get a better close up on camera.
4. Offer Jack a shot of whiskey right off when meeting with him for the first meetin about your plea...he is a drunk but has not figured out, yet, how to smuggle the juice onto the set.
5. Always cry, especially if you are a woman, when questioned on the stand...the jurors are so nervous that this is their first onscreen performance that they are not really listening and all they will see is your tears and assume you are innocent.

there is more, but my favorite L&O CI episode is on and i am going for a record here people!

like JJ once said,

"Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got."

cycle

i am being tested. i am in an envelope being pushed to the top and someone is attempting to lick the seal and send it off. elements are conspiring, filtering all around me to see what i will do. this is hard. they say...and yet still have no idea who this "they" is...they do say that one will be sent only what one can handle...so i have faith that all of this being shoved to me, onto me is good and that i will pass the test with flying colors. It is hard though i have to say. Yet I look at my predessers and they got through the test. i made a decision a few days ago to actually leave where i am now. it feels right. and then something happened this week that for me stands in that decision's corner. i am out and a new one is in it seems. the natural order of things i suppose. someone dies, someone is born. so it continues; the cycle of life. I saw a billboard the other day at a local biz that said, (I love this time of year because this place posts the best sayings and i look forward to them!) "It is easy to be brave from a distance" Interesting, yes? At first I thought well ok maybe i should stay, tuff it out, be brave...then i realized but wait i don't want to be brave, not now not about this, i just want to get over this one. distance then makes sense. i can be brave later and i promise i shall be.

i got to tell ya!

sitting in the coffee shop, sipping a laddy i mean a latte (hee), listening to gavin degraw, blogging, developing my comedy class, searching for jobs, filing my weekly unemployment claim, chatting with people coming in for afternoon coffee, looking up every once in a while to check out the light rain piercing the subtle sunshine of this monday....i gots to tell ya i am happy. i have such a feeling of possibility encasing my heart it is palitable! i can touch it. but i wont cause there are other diners here today...i hope, wish upon all of you the feeling i have right now on this monday on the eastern shore of virginia. if you arent feelin it, go get it, find it, wrestle it down and sit on it till it takes you over! I'm just saying...

am i strange or not?

initially i know the answer to this but wait! i had a flash on the brain this morning that HERE are some reasons as to why i am odd, or that a splattering of people (some who do know me and some who do not but claim to) in my past have identified me as odd...or said to me, "ah that is weird" Now you be the judge...

1. I don't like cheeseburgers, I like burgers, love them actually. Yet I love all cheese; in and on other food items. Everytime I order a HAMBURGER (and it is usually if not always on the menu right above CHEESEBURGER) the waiter/ess will then inquire, "and what kind of cheese on that?" either they are in shock that an American would order only a hamburger and not a cheeseburger or they just are not listening...anyone? out there are you? come back!

2. I only like drinking coffee in a to-go cup EVEN if I am not taking it to go. I know environmentalist get angry at me for this but I cannot and will not stop it. And really, are you not just a little too late in the process if you tell me as I am ordering the coffee I should care about the environment? The cup has been made. What can i do about it? And as some of you know, I live with my parents. How more environmentally conscious can one be? I don't use extra gas to buy groceries (my dad buys them), I don't use extra water to wash clothes (my mom is already washing clothes when I throw mine in), and they are already using and paying for the electricity so really it would be a crime to the environment if I lived on my own!

3. I like pickles - not love but like a lot - yet I don't like pickles that come with sandwiches.

4. I more often than not cry at movies WHEN I come into them in the middle, the last moment of the movie even...in otherwords I don't need to know the plot, be attached to the characters and I can cry if something happens in those last minutes that moves me...

5. And actually I don't call them movies even I call them FILMS - that is how much I love FILMS, I can call them that, comfortably!

6. I am afraid of commitment yet I am not afraid of soft shell crab sandwiches.

and the jury is now leaving the courtroom!

January is wha?!?!?!?!

It is true...January is National Cell phone awareness month! Here goes...are you AWARE that you have a cell phone? Ok good. Is the month over yet?

Surprisingly enough there is not a lot out there on this "important" month long celebration of cell phones. When I type in "national cell phone awareness month" the following is what pops up...the top selections:

Welcome to the National Aphasia Association

Hepatitis Foundation International - Hepatitis Living and Learning ...

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

President Bush Proclaims October Domestic Violence Awareness Month

Nothing on cell phones let alone being aware of them.

What is Aphasia?

Aphasia is an acquired communication disorder that impairs a person's ability to process language, but does not affect intelligence. Aphasia impairs the ability to speak and understand others, and most people with aphasia experience difficulty reading and writing.

Sort of fits actually once you think on it for a few seconds. Maybe the connection is that by using your cell phone too much you will develop Aphasia? Or maybe (cause i have a slight idea of how Google works...and i do mean A slight as in tiny, small) there are commonalities with Aphasia, cell phones, Bush and Domestic Violence? no proclamation here just putting it out there.

Have a good January with your cell phone and getting to know it, to be aware of it and all it has to offer. Oh and next time you are on any form of public transportation say a bus, a train, a little red wagon, be sure to give me a call and tell me so. I just love that! "Oh hey Michelle, yeah I am on the bus. Oh I have to go now and call 20 more people and tell them I am on the bus."

Happy dialing to all.

Words Of Wisdom...

or daily tidbits of advice...have not decided on the title of this entry series yet...but i shall share, impart, release, provide pearls aka words of wisdom to help in rich your lives each day - or at least make you laugh, giggle, spit up milk, choke on breakfast, release a tear drop, expel a tad of snot...you get the jist....

W.O.W. (get it? is that brilliant? indeed) #1

trust me buying razors at the Dollar Store or Dollar Tree, aka any store with the title "dollar" in the title and seriously even the "99 cent" (can you frickin - hey kids can read too - believe there is no cent sign on my laptop keyboard oh you can? thanks for the support) store applies!

anyway....buying diposal razors at any of the fine dollar store establishments may seem or appear to be a brilliant idea in the moment, as it is happening...i mean really there is nothing better than being able to buy both razors and fried pork skins at the same store and each costing only a dollar but trust me don't do it!!! It only takes one shower, one deep cut of the cheap razor blade ( i mean think on it for even just a split sec...if it only cost a dollar for 6 in a bag how much can it even really physically, logically, chemically, realisically cost to make and where would that cheap razor even come from, exist? - ok no more thinking for you!), one long thick river of deep red blood running down the back of your calf to then know NOT A GOOD IDEA. So please take this W.O.W. to heart. Back away from the Dollar pack of razors! Save the dollar store for candle holders, single serve chicken salad and 6 cracker packs, bibles and paper towels. In the end you will trust me. Good night and good shaving.

survey says...and my friend Jamie

drink more coffee and eat peanuts! go to http://stores.coastalroast.com/StoreFront.bok for some good stuff! i said do it...please!?!

resolve to resolute!

my 2007, crap i mean 2008 resolutions...OR are they?

1. no more television

2. drive less

3. come out of my shell...i'm shy...deep down

4. give less information - just answer the question!

5. get a new cell phone battery

6. write each day

7. drink less...milk

8. make better choices

9. get a job

10. stop assuming...nothing is ever what it seems!

11. stop over punctuating!@*^$%#, ... !! ( )

happy new year!

Here's to a new and good year to come in '08! New beginnings, a clean slate, new relationships and endless possibilities! In search of solutions with always a touch of fun layerd on top.
"all beginnings come from some other beginnings ending" - goodbye '07 and look out Mr. '08. Goodbye relationships that could not endure and so long to holding onto things that were not meant to be. closing the door, cleaning up shop, putting on my shades and heading on down the road. Afterall, when you are cool kids the sun is always shining. Peace.